


Allegiance

by mittilla



Category: the GazettE
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Royalty, Angst, Bottom Aoi (the GazettE), End ships are aoiha and reituki but it’s a long way till then hah, Fluff, M/M, Original Character(s), Slow Burn, Smut, Top Uruha (the GazettE), well kinda hm yeah he is
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-30
Updated: 2019-07-05
Packaged: 2019-09-02 13:37:09
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 68,171
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16787986
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mittilla/pseuds/mittilla
Summary: He signed up for the military with high hopes for his glorious future. While he searched for glory though, fate had different plans. So when he ends up assigned as a guard to a mysterious prince he has more than just his worth to prove.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Quick note for the names: I used the “real” names of the boys....names that we are used with. (At least I believe we are) it’s basically, because it feels more human to me and also to avoid other confusions. I have dir en grey’s Die in this and I kept that name for reasons that I better not disclose here, it counts as a spoiler so...with that said, I hope you enjoy the story as it goes.

CHAPTER 1

Kouyou’s eyes were mesmerized as they scanned the wide hall, his breathing shallow and his skin ablaze as a storm of feelings rose within him. The sweeping staircases he had to climb, couldn’t compare to the architectural masterpiece he was presented with right now. The different blending of styles, influenced by foreign designs kept his eyes busy with all it’s detail, sending him into a state of fascination- a dramatic aesthetic his eyes feasted on with fearful delight.

The reflective surface of the marble floor almost blinded him. The light from the stained glass windows hitting it with a vivid beauty of hues only the afternoon sun could produce. The day was almost over and the young soldier was tired but his patience was strong as it never faltered. His desires too strong and his ambitions-a fuel to his never resting heart.

Kouyou Takashima was a young soldier in the midst of his final year of training. His military heritage had been a boost to his own confidence, but the man had never failed to deliver in quality and top notch skill on his own. He had proved himself many times before on training camps and different classes of the sort. His dreams of honor and glory pushing him to his limits more than once and he craved to prove his worth. Craved to be recognized and bring honor to his family as well.

Hence, Kouyou found himself in this intimidatingly majestic place. The castle which their rulers possessed and the only place where the young soldier could ask..or beg for the much desired promotion he longed for, but was repeatedly denied in the past.

The man he was supposed to meet was his last hope and the pressure of all the things he could lose was wreaking havoc in his mind. It was an intense thought alone and Kouyou tried to distract his troubled mind by finding temporary relief in focusing on the exquisite sculpture on the ceiling above him. His eyes studied the skylight to the side and the way the color behind it began to fade as night began to descend.

When his eyes drifted down, Kouyou caught a glimpse of his reflection in the polished-to-perfection surface of the marble walls. His nervous heart spurred him to examine his appearance for the hundredth time, despite the many times he took the chance to do so on his way up to this place. His hair fell straight, it’s color bright as it reflected every ray of light in the room. His soft locks framed his mature face, contrasting the deep Hazel of his eyes. His build alone was something he was proud of with broad shoulders, small hips, and strong legs that carried him through every challenge with confidence. He wore his uniform neatly ironed and in perfect condition. Black with shiny golden buttons closing at the front. His small waist tightly hugged by a leather belt of high quality - a handmade masterpiece just like his boots.

The fine uniform he wore was a treasure his noble family had granted him as was his name, and that thought was enough to sadden the man instantly as he finally averted his gaze. But he was well prepared inside and out.

He didn’t have a chance to compose himself nonetheless because only a moment later the big mahogany door on his left creaked and opened. An old man appeared, his steps soft and small as he approached the soldier with calm movements but looking somewhat concerned. The hakama he wore was beautiful, with cheerful colors which instantly reminded Kouyou of his home.

“You can enter, young Takashima. The heir is expecting you.”

Kouyou gulped with hesitation. His breath halted in his chest as he walked over to the gaping door, entering inside the prince’s chambers only to find yet another extravagant room inside. It was decorated with designs, conveying nothing but power and wealth. Bookshelves graced almost every wall in rows of endless knowledge.

The only thing that differed from the aesthetic was a small table at the back, where the figure of a man wearing dark uniform, much like Kouyou’s own except wealthier, sat on one of the chairs with an open book in his hands. His eyes were focused on Kouyou himself and the soldier felt chills run down his spine.The man had long blond hair, piercing eyes and full lips which parted as a low voice escaped them.

“You can come closer.”

Kouyou hesitated for only a moment and slowly closed the distance between them, walking over but remaining on his feet, not daring to claim the chair opposite of where the prince was sitting.

He made a bow of appreciation and locked gazes with the man instead.

“So… you are a member of Takashima’s.” He spoke dryly while scrutinizing the soldier with his dark gaze. “Do you know who I am?”

“You are the heir prince of our country…”

“It’s just the two of us, you can call me Die.”

The remark caught Kouyou off guard but he nodded quickly after and relief washed over his troubled heart.

“Thank you, your highness.”

The prince sighed and closed his book, leaving it to the side, as he locked gazes with the young soldier again.”I understand you require my help.”

“I’m afraid that I didn’t have any other choice.” Kouyou began and made a small pause to lick at his lips. His mouth felt suddenly dry, as he realized what he was about to spill, in front of none other than the heir. And yet, his feelings and ambition were too strong to be ignored. He had no other choice but to submit to them. “I’ve been training all of my life. I’ve always wanted to be assigned in the army, leave with the troops, go on missions, and fulfill my soldier duty, but… for some reason I’m not allowed to do so. The general responsible for our class refuses to sign my documents, time and time again. I’m here to prove and show you, that I am ready and deserve to continue on my path. I’ve always been at the top of my class... Forgive me but I had no other choice but ask for help...your highness.”

“Die.” The small scolding remark came almost instantaneously after Kouyou ended his speech.

The tall blond tried to take a breath but couldn’t, while his feelings raged inside of him in a mess of panic and unconveyed desires. There was an awkward silence that surrounded them and Kouyou began to feel the first tinges of regret in his heart.

“Are you referring to general Yutaka?” Die asked with the same monotone voice he had. The realization that the prince knew more than he let on almost startled Kouyou, his eyes slightly widening in fear that maybe he was digging himself in deeper by seeking help.

“Yes.”

The young soldier felt slight panic surge inside of him. His inner turmoil threatening his hopes away. Obviously, the prince would be prepared for their meeting with facts and details on his own.

“Do you know why you’ve been refused to enter the army?”

It took a moment for Kouyou to collect himself and when he answered his voice was low and calm despite the storm of emotions brewing inside of him.

“I assure you that the reasons I’ve been given are untrue.”

The smirk that appeared on the prince’s face felt mocking to the blond, but he refused to give up. He had to fight.

“You are the top student in the class but… according to the general’s report…” Die’s eyes turned dark “you are impulsive, hot-headed, and can’t follow direct orders. It appears that you are also quite opinionated”

“If you let me explain..” the words left Kouyous’s mouth in a hurry his heated emotions prevented him from even processing them, but Die quickly silenced him with a glare.

“I can’t deny your skillset is high and you are prepared for combat, but I trust our general so I’d appreciate it if you trust his judgement as well.”

The anger in Kouyou was immense, threatening to wipe off his self control any moment now. But somehow he managed to ground himself enough to remain silent and stare back, his hands balling into fists of rage and hurt pride. It didn’t take long before Kouyou cowered under the piercing glare of the prince, however, averting his eyes in a shameful defeat.

“But… maybe I can give you a chance to prove yourself”

The newly presented light of hope made Kouyou lift his eyes and as he stared back at the prince with a desperation he’d never felt before. It almost felt like his whole world crumbled a second ago along with his pride and dreams, but the way his hopes were brought up from the ashes seemed too unreal and almost suspicious to him. For some reason his mind refused to trust the heir’s mock kindness.

“What do you mean?” He asked reluctantly and Die smiled at him with an unexpected kind of warmth.

“Maybe if you serve at the castle for a while and let me observe… things might turn in your favor with time.”

“How much time?” The blond pressed immediately, feeling eager all over again.

“As long as I need to change my opinion.”

“Serve how?” Kouyou didn’t hesitate before asking his next question revealing to the prince that he was already falling deep in his trap. Die smiled even wider, probably already tasting his victory over the blond in front of him.

“I will decide what to do at the celebration tonight. It will be starting shortly. You may wait with the rest of the guests.”

Kouyou’s eyes instantly turned shifty and even more suspicious than before.

“What celebration?”

“My brother’s birthday...he’s turning 18 tonight.”

Kouyou’s eyes widened as another wave of surprise hit him.

“I hadn’t heard that there would be a celebration. Much less one involving one of the princes tonight.”

That darkened Die’s eyes almost instantly and Kouyou wondered if he had just made a mistake. The soldier couldn’t hide his true feelings nonetheless, especially considering how suspicious everything seemed to him so far.

“My brother is...different. Our mother is protective and she’s very passionate about it. He has a special condition and so she doesn’t allow any intruders into his routine. Hence, only nobles had been invited tonight and there wasn’t a word publicly spread about the event.”

Kouyou took a moment to think, his mind going through all of the details that were just revealed to him. As much as he didn’t want to, he had to admit that there was a certain logic in the prince’s words which couldn’t be ignored. He himself had barely heard much about the younger prince and had no idea what he looked like. In fact he doubted anyone had. Whenever there was a word brought up from the castle in his home lands, and it involved the royal family briefly, the youngest prince was almost never mentioned. His name was always in the shadows, but despite it Kouyou still remembered it clearly in his head.

Yuu Shiroyama, the dark haired prince and perhaps an absolute opposite of the heir everyone had been talking about, according to the rumors.For some reason the curiosity and ambitious nature of the blond took a toll inside of him, forcing him to submit to the prince’s desires, quickly nodding and agreeing to his terms without much thought.

“Alright. I’ll stay and await your decision.”

It was pure satisfaction that Kouyou saw on Die’s face as he spoke those words.

The smile that graced the prince’s features was both warm and intimidating, sending Kouyou’s heart in another fit of distress. He didn’t have time to rethink his decision or retaliate, because only a second later Die was back to his book, lifting it from the small table next to him and opening it with a relaxed demeanor. The way he moved suggested that the soldier’s presence was no longer needed and that their conversation was over.

Kouyou snapped from his daze and bowed as low as he was capable of, without embarrassing himself too much.

“You’re dismissed.” Die’s words seemed calm and soft this time and Kouyou quickly spun on his heels, heading for the door and exiting the room with a peaceful stride.

As soon as he was back in the hallway, he gasped for air. His lungs struggling to absorb the needed oxygen as his breathing became erratic. The meeting with the heir had felt like it had taken a wrong turn somewhere, making the prideful soldier submit to plans with nature he wasn’t sure of yet. There was panic surging through Kouyou’s entire being in electric waves which made him tremble with newfound fear.

Did Kouyou just make the biggest mistake of his life? Did he allow something dreadful to happen to his future? What did Die mean by this service he required from him in exchange of the prince’s good will? Was Kouyou in danger now?

The blond sighed and shook his head in a desperate attempt to put his thoughts in order but the storm that swirled in his mind right now seemed untamable. However, before he could be swallowed by his thoughts, the same old man from earlier suddenly appeared next to him.

Kouyou was then led down the stairs and soon found himself dumped in another magnificent room. This one was much smaller than the one in which he met the prince, and yet just as beautifully decorated. The art and designs kept his eyes busy with more of the same beauty. It was there when the actual torture began and Kouyou was left with his thoughts once again. Just waiting for the time his presence would be requested again.

He tried to not think of the consequences. Even though, the image of his parents scolding him kept flashing before his eyes. Disappointment written all over their faces as his heart sank. Realization dawned on him soon after, as he thought of the real reason behind Die’s words and taunting looks. What if Kouyou was on his way to something much worse than he had expected? What if a lesson had been prepared for the daring soldier and plans of humiliating nature were in the making for his punishment?

He kept thinking about the many possibilities his mind was able to produce, his panic rising higher inside his chest until he felt a lump in his throat. It threatened to suffocate him and he closed his eyes as he inhaled.

An hour passed until the door was open again, startling him out of his mental agony and the same old man guided him through the many corridors to the hall where the celebration was being held.

There Kouyou was left to wander around alone and he swallowed the lump in his throat as he scanned his surroundings in search of a familiar face...or Die’s perhaps. However, all of the nobles seemed to be complete strangers to the blond despite the way he eyed them carefully, as he took a walk around the enormous room. The hall itself, became much more interesting to Kouyou as he started taking note of his surroundings instead. The ceiling was high with lights shining bright above the guests. The marble walls were polished to perfection and the tiled floor seemed so clean that Kouyou felt intimidated as he walked around with his dirty soldier boots.

The guests wore some of the most beautiful clothes he ever saw. Different fabrics painted in patterns, undoubtedly designed by the talents of someone with a meticulous eye. They all seemed perfect compared to the soldier and his uniform which, in his opinion, still looked decent enough despite it’s disadvantage to all the glamour surrounding him.

Kouyou couldn’t resist the smirk that curved his lips then, realizing his dark appearance probably resembled his inner state too well as he was the only person here who didn’t come to celebrate. No. He had business with the prince and he wasn’t leaving until he received the prince’s favorable response. His future was hanging in the balance of Die’s decision. And then...as soon as the thoughts crossed his mind, Kouyou heard Die’s voice.

He flinched and snapped from his daze, noticing the way everyone was gathering at the back of the hall. Die’s words became clearer to the blond’s ears as he strode forward in an attempt to follow the people, quickly catching up to them as he got closer to the prince’s voice.

Die was thanking everyone and speaking his introduction while the blond made his best effort to get to the front of the crowd. The soldier was careful to avoid pushing people and being extremely polite in maneuvering between the guests. He was scared. His heart was drumming in his ears as he finally took a glance at the blond prince, who now stood on his feet in a respectful manner as he continued his speech.

It didn’t take long until Kouyou pushed his way to the front and he froze in his spot as soon as the heir caught his eyes with an intimidating gaze. The prince paused momentarily, and it gave Kouyou a moment to look around for the royal family and saw them sitting comfortably only a few feet behind the man. He didn’t have time to focus on them though, as Die spoke again drawing all of the attention back to him.

“I’ve decided to give you a precious present, my dear brother.” Kouyou directed himself at Die and something about the cold look in the young prince’s eyes made Kouyou’s blood freeze in his veins.

“I’ve decided to gift you a companion. A person to look after your every desire and to protect you from whatever harm may come to you.”

Kouyou’s eyes widened as alarms rang in his head and his thoughts became chaotic.

“Kouyou Takashima. You may step forward.”

The soldier didn’t move. He stood frozen. Panic rose inside of him, shredding his insides with the ferocity of a wild animal he didn’t know how to tame. The fear glued him to the spot, pain set his skin ablaze and humiliation threatened to swell his prideful eyes with liquid that he quickly blinked away in anger.

The sudden hatred he felt towards Die projected through the glare he sent the prince’s way and Kouyou had to bite his tongue as he fought his pride and remained still, unmoving, and completely silent.

Die wasn’t surprised to see the distress he had caused in the young soldier. However, the prince didn’t hesitate to attack him again with words which seemed innocent yet held so much humiliation that they almost made Kouyou crumble right then and there.

“You may bow down to your new master as well.”

When Kouyou didn’t move yet again the silence in the hall became oppressive. The young man couldn’t find the strength to submit. His breathing nearly reached a halt as he kept his gaze locked on the blond prince who only smirked back at him, trying to provoke a reaction out of the prideful soldier.

It was then Kouyou’s peripheral caught a movement on his left but everything happened so fast, he didn’t have a chance to react, before someone kicked the back of his knee and he was forced on all fours, taking the worst position his prideful heart could bear.

The woman’s voice he heard next startled him, as it came as the complete opposite of the deep and husky one he expected in its place.

“How dare, you scum. Show your respect. I’ll have you beheaded for this.”

His instincts set his skin on fire, the hair at back of his neck stood up and he fought the urge to fight back and defend himself as he felt a strong grip in his blond locks which quickly forced him to bow so low that his sweaty forehead was nearly touching the floor.

“Mother…you needn’t worry, let me handle this.” Die’s voice was low as it came from above, barely a whisper but still commanding. It was more like a warning to the guards holding the young soldier. Kouyou’s hair was suddenly released. A bit of commotion took place to his side and he knew…. the empress was silently seething and on her way out.

The soldier felt small relief for a moment then, realizing that his life had been spared. Never had he felt a danger so real as he was able to breathe again and his heartbeat resumed its beating. Relief washed all over him like a wave but it didn’t last long. Suddenly, the prince was speaking to him again and this time, his tone was threatening, impatient and low as if it was meant only for Kouyou’s ears to hear.

“Stop fighting it…”

Kouyou took a deep breath. His hands balled into fists against the floor and he watched his knuckles turn white before he was ready to move again. As he stood on his feet, he received a quick pat on his shoulder and he noticed another figure standing a few feet away from them. Kouyou hadn’t noticed the person until now and he kept his eyes low, too scared to meet the newcomer’s gaze straight on, but Die was quick to wipe his uncharacteristic shyness away.

“Meet your master.”

It took Kouyou all of his courage to lift his gaze. But when he did, he found himself in a different kind of stupor, captured by the deepest dark eyes he’d ever seen in his life. The way they flickered with obvious anticipation and excitement almost made the blond feel so weak in his knees he might’ve crumbled right there. He was speechless and mesmerized. Kouyou’s eyes began tracing the shape of the person’s eyes. Dark makeup framed those captivating orbs, making them stand out even more and paralyzing him on the spot. Their intense stare sent chills down his spine.

And the blond couldn’t miss the curves of the person’s face, high cheekbones and soft full lips painted in the most beautiful hues of youth. His hair was the darkest black and tied up in a small half ponytail at the back of his head. The strands cascading down his shoulders looked soft as silk and the boy’s silhouette conveyed such beauty that Kouyou couldn’t help the electrifying heat that warmed up his face.

When Die moved and walked back to his seat, Kouyou was able to snap back to reality and his mind wondered what he should do. Was there anything that was expected of him right now? He felt rude just standing there, scrutinizing the younger prince without saying a word and he parted his lips ready to vow his loyalty at least, when the boy suddenly turned around and walked back to his seat.

Kouyou trailed behind him, still in a trance from the unusual encounter and he noticed that the younger prince was quite the opposite from his brother. His frame was small, hidden under many layers of fabric. He was dressed in an elegant type of kimono, instead of the royal uniforms the men in his family pridefully wore. And yet it wasn’t feminine, but rather flattering and rich. A fine piece of art, meant for royalties alone.

When the prince was finally seated next to his brother he gently tapped the armrest of his chair. Kouyou took that as a sign and quickly walked to his side, standing next to him like the guard he was supposed to be now. He glanced at Die for one last time and noticed the satisfied smile he had. Kouyou’s mind wandered into darker places once again. Images of him strangling the prince with his own blond hair flashed in his mind. The soldier was slipping back into his previous angered state and he used it as a distraction from the boring scene that took place next.

There were nobles who approached the dark haired boy and congratulated him for his birthday. Their words were flattering and joyful, but the boy remained silent nonetheless. The nods he gave accompanied with the gentle curving of his lips were the only reactions he gave and it seemed as if Kouyou was the only one bothered by it in the end. He hadn’t heard a single sound from the prince so far. The soldier began feeling unsettled and oddly disturbed by this sudden mystery. It was somewhat intimidating and his curiosity had stepped up a notch as he watched the younger prince and all of his mannerisms with peaked interest.

Yuu Shiroyama. The name had been spoken so many times tonight that Kouyou felt like it was imprinted in his memory permanently. He had heard it before. Yes. But now after having an actual face linked to it, the blond felt more engaged and intrigued. The worries he felt for his future were still sending him into a slight panic, but for some reason he was no longer terrified. Maybe it was too soon to judge, but from the looks of it, his task didn’t seem as cruel and vicious as he had originally presumed. He would be lying if he said that he didn’t still feel tricked and betrayed, maybe partly humiliated as well, but the task didn’t seem as bad, especially now after seeing the person who was brought under his care.

Maybe it was time for Kouyou to swallow his pride and accept his fate. He didn’t have a choice regardless and something told him Die didn’t lie to him and was going to keep his promise if the blond kept his word as well.

Kouyou’s thoughts kept swirling within his head until the next part of the celebration was announced - a feast in the prince’s honor.

The blond was surprised to see that Yuu wasn’t going to join the guests though, and the boy smiled while taking a quick reverent bow and exiting the hall through a door at the back. Kouyou followed his steps, confusion written all over his face as he pondered about his duties and what they were supposed to be from now on. He had to guard the prince, but he had to take care of him too. What did that mean? And where was he supposed to spend the night? It wasn’t the prince’s chambers for sure, but everything happened for Kouyou so fast that he didn’t have time to think about small details as this until now.

His inner turmoil continued as Yuu led him through what felt like a labyrinth inside the castle. As they walked they took many turns until they entered a small lobby. There were guards at every corner, but Kouyou didn’t feel intimidated this time and when they reached a huge mahogany door, Kouyou didn’t hesitate to follow him as the prince opened it and stepped inside.

The room they entered was big, but not as wide as Kouyou had been expecting. It looked cozy and felt warm. There was huge king sized bed on the side, shelves filled with books on the right, a small table with few chairs at the back and many pillows spread about.

As Kouyou took in all of his surroundings he sighed and took a glance at the windows realizing it was pitch black outside. Was it really that late already? Time really did fly when one’s future hung by a thread.

Yuu reached the small table with slow tired steps and Kouyou watched him in silence waiting for a word or any sign of what was expected of him next. However, such revelation never surfaced and the prince reached up to his head instead. His fingers moved slowly, undoing the ties and releasing his hair until it all fell messily down his back.

The silence in the room was making Kouyou uncomfortable and the atmosphere changed for the worse. The lights were soft, candlelight, and he felt odd. Like it wasn’t his place to be here at all. The scene in front if him felt too intimidate and caused him to avert his eyes in embarrassment. He stood frozen and concentrated on his breathing but his awkwardness picked up as he heard the ruffling sounds of Yuu’s kimono. The boy slowly approached him and drew his attention with a gentle pat to his chest.

Kouyou ignored the unknown feelings that Yuu’s sudden touch provoked, and glanced at the boy, who’s face was now serious with his eyes half lidded in a tired haze.

The prince turned his back to Kouyou, but kept their proximity and the blond was intimidated once again. Unsure what was going on. Hoping that the boy would finally say something and voice his desires aloud…. but he didn’t…

Instead they stood there, surrounded by silence, until Yuu decided to guide the soldier with his hand instead of words.

He reached up behind and grabbed Kouyou’s wrist, gently placing the soldier’s calloused arm on his waist. There, the blond felt the many cords and layers keeping the kimono in place and realization dawned upon him almost immediately. Of course there was no way for the prince to release himself of the uncomfortable clothes. Especially since it had been tied to his body so neatly and painfully tight. And yet, as soon as he took on the task, Kouyou felt a familiar heat warming up his face all over again.

Sure, he had been in situations as this before, but never did he have to untie a kimono till now. His soldier duties had been a priority through all his life, hence his time had been spent in different camps, surrounded by boys, not girls. The only women he ever cared about were his mother and sisters, he never felt the need to approach the opposite sex in such intimate matter. He had his share of romance of course, but it was short lived nonetheless. Still Kouyou never felt attraction towards anything other than men. So as he worked on all the ties and cords keeping the fabrics in place, Kouyou was able to smell the delicious floral cents of Yuu’s hair and he cursed himself for liking it so much.

He distracted himself with the knots as they got tighter and rougher against his hands with every layer of waistband that was discarded from Yuu’s body. His hands however were strong and it didn’t take long until his work was done and the last piece of fabric was removed from the prince’s waist. There was a short turmoil that Kouyou went through as he wondered if undressing the prince completely was included in his duties as well. But it didn’t last for very long because the boy moved again and silently walked towards a door positioned near the wardrobe in the back of the room. Kouyou wasn’t thinking when his instincts reacted instead of his brain, and he trailed the boy’s footsteps until a hand pushed his chest and stopped him in his tracks. There was a warning in the prince’s eyes as he stared at Kouyou this time and the blond saw his mistake immediately as he took a step back. It seemed to appease the prince and he then continued to the door without wasting any more time and once again without a word.

Once the prince disappeared, Kouyou remained silent as he stood alone in the room, his chest rising and falling as he struggled to regain his breath. He hadn’t even realized that he’d been holding it in all this time. The prince seemed harmless and Kouyou felt newfound comfort while being around him. But it couldn’t wipe away the reality of his situation from his mind.

Kouyou’s life had turned a full 180 degrees in the span of just a few hours that it seemed so surreal and he didn’t know what to make out of it. He wasn’t returning home any time soon, nor did he know how long his task would take until it was fulfilled. The fear of the unknown had never scared him so much in his life and he hated that the idea made him feel weak.

He didn’t ask for this. All he wanted was to be loved and cherished by his family. He wanted his father’s recognition more than anything, but the man was cold and distant and Kouyou was tired of searching for answers or paths to the old man’s heart. He thought that being loyal to the empire would bring him the honor he craved. That maybe his father would look at him with the eyes of a parent one day. But that future seemed so unreachable right now, that the blond couldn’t help the bitterness that swelled in his eyes.

He shook his head and blinked it all away for a second time that day as determination rose in him. This wasn’t the real Kouyou. He never felt this weak in his life and wasn’t gonna let an obstacle such as this to bring him down. No. He was strong-willed and got this far thanks to his own strength and courage. He had to stop feeling sorry for himself and take the task like a man. He never shed a tear in his life, not when he got physically injured even less if his feelings were hurt. He was prideful and held immense power within his heart. He had to pull himself together and prove to Die that he was the best choice for the task at hand. This was nothing more but a challenge on the path to his success and Kouyou was going to conquer it. Just like he did with the many challenges he took on in the years before.

A sudden knock on the door drew his attention back to reality and he stared at it with hollow eyes, not sure if he was meant to answer to whoever was knocking at all. Fortunately, the person opened it without him uttering a word. It was the same old man who led him to the heir and than to the celebration earlier that day. However, his features were distorted in an angry grimace, mixed with disappointment and Kouyou wondered what in the hell did he do wrong this time?

“Where is the prince?” The old man asked through gritted teeth, but Kouyou remained calm as he glanced at the door to his left. Considering he was trying to undress Yuu moments ago and wasn’t allowed to follow him inside, the prince was probably washing his body right now.

“He’s taking a shower.” Was Kouyou’s response and the old man took a few steps inside the room, pointing to a small clock that sat on one of the shelves.

“It’s passed 9 pm. The prince must always go to bed before then.”

The revelation made Kouyou frown in confusion. The prince had a curfew? He wasn’t a child anymore what was this all about? Still, he kept his thoughts to himself and allowed the old man to continue.

“I’ll let this slide tonight, but it must not happen again. Put the prince to sleep and I’ll be waiting outside.” After delivering his words the man was out of his sight closing the door with a bit more force than necessary.

Kouyou couldn’t believe that it was his first night here and he was already being scolded. No one had given him instructions for anything, if there was a manual tucked somewhere and he missed it he would love to read it. Besides, it wasn’t his fault the prince was taking so long in the bathroom. Or maybe… Kouyou had wasted too much time wondering what he should do as he struggled to undo the knots of Yuu’s clothes, while trying to stay mindful of the close proximity they had.

The soldier was getting lost in his thoughts again. When the door leading to the bathroom clicked open, Kouyou’s attention was drawn to it instantly. Yuu entered the room a moment later and this time the clothes he wore were of completely different nature, letting Kouyou take a better look at how small his body actually was.

Yuu was skinny, Kouyou could tell, not only because of the way his night clothes hung to his body, but also by the way he walked, tired and slow. He looked unwell and Kouyou’s heart felt heavy with worry.

Yuu sat at a small table next to his bed and the blond kept watch of his every move, drowning in their silence without comment. There was a mirror that Kouyou hadn’t noticed until now. He approached Yuu as the prince began to dry his hair with a soft towel that hung around his shoulders. The collar shirt he wore looked smooth and comfortable. White in color, contrasting to the ebony strands of hair which now left wet traces along the prince’s shoulder blades.

Kouyou was left in another trance as his next words came out if him before he had a chance to even process them.

“May I help?”

The prince flinched and stopped the movement of his hands, taking a quick glance at the blond who slowly walked over to his side. The dark makeup on his eyes was gone and Kouyou found that Yuu’s stare was less intimidating now, but still able to give the same familiar chills down his spine. Yuu nodded and rested his hands in his lap, while Kouyou carefully reached out his hands and began his work of drying the long strands with care, tenderly brushing at the boy’s scalp with the soft material.

It took a while until the strands got softer and gained their volume back, and as he took a glance at Yuu’s reflection in the mirror the blond noticed that the prince’s eyes were closed. The boy looked peaceful and Kouyou felt new found warmth rise from his heart, until his fingers began to tremble and the prince’s eyes shot open. His hands reached up, gently pushing Kouyou’s away and the blond’s heart sank at the gesture.The skin on his hands was burning but he remained in his place as Yuu stood up from the nightstand and slipped under the covers of his bed.

Kouyou felt a sudden disappointment and embarrassment for some reasons unknown to him. There was tingle on all the places where Yuu’s fingers had touched his, making him feel uncomfortable. There was irritation tormenting his senses as he felt almost angry at himself, and the blond knew he couldn’t stay any longer. Especially now after the prince was already tucked in his bed.

He took one last glance at Yuu and bowed as he wished him good night. The prince smiled briefly at him and Kouyou smiled back, before taking the route to the door and exiting the room as fast as he could.

Outside, the old man was still waiting for him and Kouyou was handed a few papers, filled with instructions and timetables regarding the prince’s routine. He sighed but was greatly thankful for the help even if it was granted quite late. He decided to forgive the man and his undeserved anger from earlier, giving him a smile and a soft Thank you in return.

The soldier was led to a room next to the prince’s and there he was given few more instructions about how he was supposed to take care of Yuu while he slept. There was a small tunnel in the wall which led to Yuu’s chambers and Kouyou was told that he had to make sure that every sound coming from the prince’s room was to be checked.

When the soldier was finally left alone, he took a quick look at his new room, and noticed how small it was compared to the rooms he’d seen in the castle so far. It looked comfy nonetheless and Kouyou rubbed his tired face, before dumping his body on the soft bed, not caring to remove his uniform nor his boots.

Kouyou’s mind felt dizzy and he closed his eyes wondering about tomorrow and what his life would be like from for the duration of this mission. All that he witnessed tonight gave him more questions than answers and the blond couldn’t help but think if there was something deeper going on. Something well hidden that no one knew about, not even the royal family themselves.

Was there an actual threat for the prince’s life and were all the precautions necessary in the end? As more and more questions of the same nature spiraled in his head, Kouyou slipped into tireless dream of his own, leaving behind all his troubles just for tonight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hohoho ok, so here is the very first story that I decided to post myself.
> 
> Firstly I will credit ezysummers for the au we created maybe 8 years ago... we used to rp and write a lot and she let me create a fic in english out of it.We have a failed attempt waaaay in the past,and Sally did an amazing work back then. There were actually 2 chapters on her lj called Voiceless but that was dropped rather quick and sank in history. So idk what hit me this year....this is the product of many sleepless nights tbh, I really hope something decent came out of it. And since I am learning, well, any feedback is welcomed. I want to do this right.
> 
> And now hehe Big THANK YOU to my beta who helps me sooo much with everything (she is an amazing girl btw) @IdiocyxAngst  
> I can’t thank her enough honestly.  
> And yeah with that ends my first note as well omg  
> And THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR GETTING THIS FAR
> 
> Ps: don’t get fooled, prince Aoi is yet to show his royal everything lol keke


	2. Chapter 2

Kouyou rubbed his eyes as he tried to wipe the sleep from his shadowed eyes. Although he was used to getting up early, thanks to the intensive training he received while at military camp, yesterday’s events seemed to have drained most of his energy and he was struggling to keep himself in check and not fall asleep on the kitchen floor. To be frank, the only reason he was awake right now was because of the way he was awoken abruptly by the old man, who’s name Kouyou still did not know. The old man showed up early to give him the keys to the prince’s chambers and also to allow Kouyou’s belongings to be brought in. Fortunately, despite the commotion in his room that morning, Kouyou had just enough time to prepare and change into a freshly ironed uniform.

He was now waiting patiently for the prince’s breakfast. The women scrambled about the small room struggling to stick to the schedule. The shelves were covered with empty bowls, dishes strewn all over the tables while the maids rushed to prepare the meals. There was noisy chatter and lots of clanging sounds which kept the blond awake despite his drowsiness. However, he was starting to grow impatient, his nerves just slightly on end, as he realized he was running out of time.

Luckily, the prince’s chambers were just down the hall, but the instructions he was given were exceptionally detailed and precise. He was the only person with access to the lobby that led to their rooms and if someone else were to enter, Kouyou’s instructions were: to stay by Yuu’s side at all times. It sounded extreme in the blond’s mind as he memorized the instructions by heart, but the blond wasn’t keen on risking another failure, such as the one he caused just the night before. If there was a way to avoid such mistakes in the future, Kouyou was determined to follow his instructions to a T. 

Thankfully the prince’s breakfast was ready only a minute later. A tea set sat neatly organised on a silver tray, and Kouyou frowned when he realised there was no actual food prepared.

“This can’t be right” he mumbled and threw a questioning look to the girl who had brought the tray.

“Where is his breakfast?”

“This is the breakfast, his majesty has been getting for the past few months.”

Kouyou’s frown deepened at that. If his memory was right, the prince was having a horse riding lesson first thing after his supposed breakfast. He would need the energy and considering how weak he looked the previous night, a tea alone would not suffice. No, the prince needed real food otherwise Kouyou was afraid he might collapse during his lesson.

“This lacks nutritional value. I am not taking this to him until you prepare something more sustaining”

“But….Takashima-san” the girl tried to retaliate meekly, but was cut off by Kouyou’s deep intimidating tone.

“I said, get some real food for the prince, immediately.”

Much to the soldier’s delight, the girl cowered away and didn’t dare contest him, as she went back to the other end of the kitchen and returned only a moment later holding a dish filled with chopped fruits.

Kouyou couldn’t hide how displeased he was, his nose scrunching up with slight disgust, but he was almost running late at this point, so he didn’t have a choice but to simply urge the girl to put the dish on the tray. 

He quickly stormed out of the kitchen and marched down the corridor that led to the prince’s chambers while hoping that Yuu was still asleep in his bed.

The blond was exceptionally careful when he entered the room. He made no sound as he placed the tray on a small table and approached the sleeping prince on the bed. As Kouyou moved closer, he was able to take a better look at the young man, his eyes traced the curves of Yuu’s face as he rested in perfect bliss. His long hair was splayed out under his head, the locks looking silky soft, the strands of which now looked like a messy sketch on the pillow underneath, and Kouyou could swear he could see a story being told in them. 

But there were other matters he had to take care of and a sigh escaped him as he glanced at the clock on the shelf. 9 am. It was time for Yuu to wake up and begin his day, but something was preventing the soldier from waking up the boy. Instead, he sat on the bed near the prince’s legs, careful so as to not stir him awake.

As he sat there, a soft furry ball appeared on the other end of the bed. A pair of green eyes scrutinized him suspiciously from afar. Kouyou was surprised to see the owner of those eyes was a black cat, her form resembling that of a round and healthy pet, her small legs disappearing under the cloud of fur on her chest. 

So the prince had a cat.

Kouyou smirked to himself at that revelation and he watched the animal as it quickly lost interest in him and opted to approach her master instead. 

The boy was fast asleep and remained trapped in his dreams even after the cat climbed up on his stomach. She was careful though, her paws gentle as she took a comfortable position and laid on one side.

Kouyou gave in to his childish urge and stretched his arm out to taunt the kitten with a playful move of his fingers. That caught her attention immediately and her head tilted, her eyes mesmerized by the new found distraction the blond was providing her right now. He was happy to see the kitten back on her feet a second later as she pawed at his hand in a playful manner. Kouyou smiled and rested his palm on the sheets, his fingers still taunting the cat until it jumped, playfully landing near his hand, causing the boy to wake.

Yuu stirred and Kouyou’s smile was quickly wiped off his face. As soon as the cat realized her master was awake, she jumped back on the boy’s stomach, meowing and urging Yuu to get up and play, instead of dozing back into his sleep.

Kouyou noticed how tired the boy looked even now, as he sat in his bed, gently ruffling the fur on the kitten’s back before putting her aside.

“Good morning your highness.” The blond spoke. Yuu’s smile was warm when he acknowledged Kouyou’s presence and gave him a nod in return.

Again, there was no sound coming from the prince and the soldier was beginning to wonder if he was able to speak at all. Die definitely forgot to mention that important bit of detail.

He missed to mention a lot of things in fact. Like the fact Kouyou was the only person who had access to Yuu’s room now, and that as a result he also now responsible for the boy’s needs as well as being watchful and protective at all times.

This mystery was beginning to get on Kouyou’s nerves, but looking at the prince right now, had quite the unexpected effects on him and his annoyance quickly dissipated by Yuu’s presence alone.The emotions felt so unnatural for the soldier that he quickly stood up from the bed, taking the prince’s breakfast and using it as a distraction to his trembling heart.

As he left the tray on the sheets next to the boy, Kouyou suddenly felt giddy inside. Breakfast in bed was such a cliche but he couldn’t blame the prince. He still looked unwell but the blond was determined to change it. He didn’t know why he even cared in the first place. He would probably say that he was simply doing his assignment and it didn’t matter in the end.

When Yuu’s eyes fell on the chopped fruits though, his eyebrows locked in a frown. Kouyou tried to read him in an attempt to guess what was going through his mind and was a bit displeased to see the prince lifting the tea cup and not giving any attention to the food.

“So...you’re going to eat the food after the tea?”he asked and there was unsettlement in the boy’s eyes as he cast him a scolding look. Kouyou quickly remembered his place “Your highness?” he added and the boy scrunched up his nose as he threw another glance at the dish on the tray.

It annoyed the blond just a bit, as he remembered the trouble he went through in order to obtain some food for the prince and his manners were suddenly repressed by his hurt pride. Kouyou took another risk and gently took the cup away from the prince’s hands, placing it back on the tray. The glare he earned from the boy was almost murderous and it shocked the blond as he didn’t expect such ferocity from the tender peaceful prince he’d seen so far. Maybe Kouyou was a bit too daring, but his pride was back in full force and the soldier refused to back down, his eyes sending a similar glare Yuu’s way.

“You have a horse ride after this, you need the strength” Kouyou tried to justify his rudeness and it seemed to work, because Yuu’s expression softened immediately.

However, the prince appeared to be just as stubborn as his new protector and he rubbed his stomach while making an appalled expression. Kouyou almost laughed at that, but remained serious, his face straight as he pondered a way to make the boy submit and take a bite of the food.

An idea struck him only a second later. Despite the fact that he wasn’t very fond of the fruits on the tray himself, Kouyou decided to offer a compromise, which involved his participation as well. Maybe that would’ve been enough to provoke a positive reaction from the boy this time.

“How about we play a game, your highness?” He asked and Yuu perked up at his words, his eyes curious and filled with sudden interest. 

“We can eat together. For every piece I eat, you have to take one as well. Let’s see who’s gonna eat more and who’s gonna give up first?”

Kouyou waited for the prince’s reaction with reluctancy. It was a dumb and probably naive thing to ask, but it was worth a shot. Judging by their discord a moment ago Kouyou knew the boy was just as stubborn as himself, if not more. Still he couldn’t help but wonder if they were well-matched on a competitive level as well.

When Yuu nodded and smiled at him Kouyou felt immense relief. So the prince had a competitive spirit in him after all.

They began eating and the blond was delighted to see that Yuu had a peaceful face instead the one of discontent from moments ago. The prince took a piece of fruit every time the blond was chewing one himself and Kouyou was surprised at how easy it was to coerce Yuu into playing this game. He was also pleased to know that it was none other but him who evoked this change in the prince and it took him only one night in this palace as well. To be honest, he was feeling quite accomplished already.

Minutes passed as they chewed in silence, the fruits slowly disappearing from the plate, but then Kouyou noticed reluctance in the way Yuu was reaching over and grabbing more of the food. The girl in the kitchen had mentioned that the prince had been having only tea for breakfast the past few months, so the blond wondered if Yuu’s body had different capacities than Kouyou’s own, who was hungry all the time and had a black hole instead of stomach in his gut. Yuu was probably stuffed already and was keeping up only because of Kouyou’s manipulative talents to spur him on. The soldier felt almost sympathetic and decided it was time to finally grant the prince a victory over himself.

After Yuu swallowed his last bite, Kouyou remained still and didn’t reach for the food again.

“I think that’s enough” he said in a soft voice. Yuu’s smile was wide and triumphant as he bit his lower lip and lifted his chin in a victorious way.

Despite the silence engulfing them at all times, Kouyou realized that there was something really intriguing in the way he was able to read the prince’s expressions. He was starting to grow fond of all the looks and smiles that were cast his way and began to feel content in the silence they shared. How could he not thought? When Yuu’s behavior was so comforting, his gestures delicate and with such grace that the blond found himself in a daze more than once from the moment he arrived.

It was an embarrassing flaw of his, as the blond continued to stare, studying the prince’s behavior with piqued interest, but was quickly caught by Yuu’s weary eyes and the questioning look in them forced him to quickly avert his gaze. He remembered his next task and stood up, putting the tray away and opening the prince’s small closet next. The clothes he saw inside threw him into another stupor and Kouyou took in all of the beauty he was presented with. He stood admiring the splendid colors, designs, different patterns and of course the richest and most sophisticated looking uniforms he ever laid eyes upon. 

For some reason he expected the prince to have a separate room housing his clothes alone , but he didn’t. Kouyou could swear he had heard rumors about the castle and the lifestyle of the nobles inside before, describing it in just a bit more glamorous way than the one he was witnessing at the moment. And yet, Yuu seemed to be living under special conditions adapted especially for the efficacy of his protection. So maybe the rest of his family lived differently than him.

Yuu’s room was also smaller, than Kouyou had expected, considering Yuu’s royal status. He hadn’t been able to take a closer look at the room last night and Kouyou took note of so many details he had missed.

The ceilings weren’t very high, the window was small, and was barricaded on the outside, while the furniture looked luxurious but rather cramped in the small room.

He couldn’t deny the logic behind it though. The fewer the rooms Yuu spent his time in, the fewer the possibilities of someone sneaking in and cornering the boy for a life threatening attack.

Die definitely knew what he was doing when he set this up. But there was yet another mystery that concerned Kouyou deeply and was torturing him every time it resurfaced in his mind. Why did Die choose him for this task, when he didn’t know him at all? Wouldn’t it be safer if he chose someone he knew personally and fully trusted? What did Kouyou do to earn this  _ honor _ of looking after the younger prince?

Kouyou realised he had spaced out again and quickly moved to grab a uniform for the prince, placing it carefully on the bed in front of him. It looked much more expensive than his own, longer, and black in color with gold buttons at the front. He supposed it would be practical for the horse riding lesson Yuu was about to have and Kouyou almost felt jealous, wondering how a uniform of this quality would feel against his skin.

He wasn’t able admire the clothes for much longer as he was pushed away from the bed, by a nervous Yuu, who seemed to be in some sort of distress. His hands were delicate but forceful enough to push Kouyou all the way to the door on the other end of the room.

“Your highness?” Kouyou was confused, but as soon as he found himself pushed outside, Yuu closing the door under his nose, realization dawned on him and he almost laughed at the thought.

The prince really had a problem with undressing in front of other people, and the cute way in which he got rid of Kouyou in order to get dressed, sent an sensation inside the soldier’s chest. He was beginning to feel much better about his new responsibility, with every minute that passed.

Kouyou waited for the prince patiently outside, his eyes and ears sharp for any sounds coming from the other side of the door, but such never came and he was happy to see the prince exiting the room only a few minutes later, dressed in the clothes Kouyou had prepared for him.

********

As they walked around the castle and entered the stables, Kouyou had some time to take a better look at Yuu, now dressed in a less formal attire than the one he had on the night before. He looked more confident in the way he walked and even his pace held more determination. The jacket of his uniform exhibited his small waist. Kouyou took note of the broad shoulders and how long the prince’s hair actually was, as it cascaded down his shoulder blades. The boy was also a couple of inches shorter than him and the blond felt a surge of confidence within himself, the protective side of glowing with pride.

When they neared the gardens, Kouyou noticed the dirt grounds they were currently treading on. It was mushy and there was a smell of rain thick in the air, but Kouyou didn't mind it one bit. He suddenly felt nostalgic, as he remembered the soldier camp he used to inhabit before coming to this place. But he had a different kind of business here and he snapped out of his thoughts with a shake of his head. 

The horse that was prepared for Yuu’s ride was white with a gentle gaze, another cliche that made Kouyou curve his lips in a smirk, but that was also quickly wiped off his face as soon as he noticed the glare Yuu’s teacher was throwing his way. It made Kouyou realise that maybe he should step away as the lesson was about to start. The soldier moved back closer to the stables and left Yuu to his teacher in the open gardens. His stern eyes however, never left the prince’s frame as the lesson began.

As he watched from afar, Kouyou realised Yuu had a way to communicate with the animal through a soft touch. The soldier didn’t miss how the prince caressed the horse’s neck, every time they finished their task with success. It was a mindful gesture with which Yuu showed appreciation to the horse and it made Kouyou feel warm inside at the sight. It was a feeling he hadn’t felt in a while and he found that he had missed it deeply in his life.

It didn’t take long before the teacher made Yuu make his way around the trees, and the prince tugged at the reins, forcing the animal to take many turns, his back straight as he maintained perfect balance on the saddle. Kouyou suddenly felt melancholy as he thought about his home. Memories of his childhood flooded his mind and the blond recalled every single time he was taken to the stables by his father as a child. 

He had been a lively young soul with dreams and hopes of glory. But his cheerful gaze was never reciprocated by his parent. There was never praise for his efforts throughout his childhood, instead he was condemned with harsh words of disappointment, accompanied with a cold look of critique. It hurt him so much as a boy, when the harsh expectations of his parents had been pushed down his throat too early and without remorse. He used to feel suffocated before but as the boy grew so did his pride. 

He avoided those memories like a plague in his mind and quickly replaced them with ones of ambition and success. But for some reason there was uncertainty in the soldier now, as he pondered if his heart desired something warm and… something else he couldn’t quite pinpoint. But now wasn’t the time to feel sorry for himself, as it was completely uncharacteristic for a soldier of his level.

A small bit of commotion to his left pulled him out of his thoughts and his attention was instantly caught by three girls, dressed in rather beautiful and heavy looking kimonos. Their giggly behavior seemed to be provoked by something happening behind him or...maybe even himself. Their eyes were firm and penetrating as they walked closer, shamelessly scrutinizing the baffled soldier from head to toe.

It made Kouyou uncomfortable and he averted his gaze, returning his attention to the prince who was now heading back toward his teacher and was casting the soldier a stern look. There was a new expression written on the boy’s face, one that Kouyou hadn’t seen yet and couldn’t read. He felt oddly confused by the new emotions nestling in his chest and it frustrated him to a certain extent.

When Kouyou was able to take a closer look at the three girls, he recognised them as the sisters of the boy he was assigned to protect. He had heard rumors of girls, about their beauty, haughty behavior, and about their flirtatious advances being the cause of many scandals in the past. Their eyes were filled with feigned innocence as they checked him out for a second time and Kouyou averted his gaze with slight distaste. Their intentions were so obvious that It made his stomach stir in an unpleasant way.

Who would’ve thought that royals like them would find it entertaining to spend their time standing in the filth outside. But then Kouyou took a glance at their surroundings and noticed a fair amount of men going about their routines. Knowing the princesses’ true nature and considering how young they were, he wasn’t really that surprised by the encounter. And judging by the way they batted their eyelashes at him, as they giggled and whispered to each other, Kouyou realised he was the entertainment they chose for the day.

“So this is our youngest brother’s new protector” one of them commented and Kouyou’s eyebrows instantly locked in a frown. So there was indeed someone else in his place before. What happened and where were they now?

“Such beauties shouldn’t be in the army though” 

Kouyou wasn’t embarrassed by their words, especially when such a compliment came from the mouth of a woman. And yet their body language was suggestive enough to make his chest feel tight. The way one girl twirled a long strand of hair around her finger, while her sisters kept looking at him with lecherous eyes…. No, he wasn’t embarrassed, but rather uncomfortable and awkward with their sly innuendos.

“What was your name soldier?” The tallest princess spoke up and walked around the blond like a predator circling its prey.

“Takashima” 

“Oh! I’ve heard of them before! Dad talks about the Takashimas sometimes.” her younger sister rose her voice, while she gazed at him with lively eyes.

Kouyou was annoyed all of a sudden, but he remained silent and took a quick glance at the palace behind them. He checked the towers and their surroundings for anything suspicious, but it failed to distract him. The girls wouldn’t shut up and instead pressed him further with more of the same suggestive remarks.

“I’d love to have a Takashima bodyguard”

“If they look just as strong and durable as this soldier here....” the tallest girl exclaimed again and moved closer, harassing Kouyou with her firm gaze. “You have beautiful skin...that’s rare.”

Girls were  _ so _ annoying when they couldn’t keep their tongues at bay. Especially the frivolous ones, who were obvious in their advances, while pretending to maintain modest behavior. 

It wasn’t like Kouyou had never been subjected to comments like the ones he received from the princesses. He knew he had the looks to provoke such reactions not only from girls but men as well. And yet this conversation was making him feel even more uncomfortable than he expected. Especially because the princesses had a certain way of expressing their true desires indirectly. 

“How old are you soldier?” one of the sister’s asked. 

“Twenty-two.” Kouyou’s patience was starting to wear thin.

“Do you have a fiance back home?”

“I don’t have time for such things”

When the tallest of the girls suddenly approached him, their eyes met briefly, her gaze drifted down and Kouyou felt a hand caress his shoulder in a way that made his stomach stir.

“I am sure you always make time for some fun then.”

It was then Kouyou’s instincts reacted instead of his mind and he jerked away from the princess’ touch. The girl’s smile quickly faded and was instantly replaced by the most heated glare Kouyou had seen on a woman’s face before. There was a silent threat in the way her eyes swelled up with rage, while humiliation pooled up at the corners of her eyes. Kouyou’s heart was beating painfully in his chest but he refused to apologise as the rejection he granted her was well deserved.

Then his ears caught on а galloping noise, which increased only a second later and Kouyou saw Yuu’s silhouette flash behind the princesses with a riled up horse, the hooves of which smashed the ground with force that sent a wave of dirt at the dumbfounded girls.

Shouting and whiny screams followed soon after and Kouyou struggled to hold his satisfaction and not laugh at the scene in front of him. The tallest of the girls was still raging, spouting slurs and verbally expressing her anger towards the prince, who now had a triumphant posture on the horse as it stalked carelessly away.

The girls’ clothes were dirty, but not as much as their mouths. Kouyou was baffled at their behavior as he had never expected to see a princess use such foul language in public like this.

Kouyou remained silent and stepped aside as he waited for the girls to recollect themselves and leave the scene with a sassy flip of hair, but not before sending a final glare to him and the prince. Kouyou watched them leave and felt contentment in his chest all over again. Only this time, it was mixed with a feeling of joy and a kind of satisfaction that he was unable to decipher.

When the girls were no longer in sight and the prince was back by his side, the blond gazed up at the young man and was surprised to see him staring back. Yuu’s eyes were lively, his lips slightly curved in a smile and for a first time Kouyou was genuine when he smiled back. For the first time in a long time, in those seconds as they gazed fondly at each other, the blond felt accepted.

For some reason he wasn’t feeling so foreign in this place or with his surroundings anymore. 

When Yuu suddenly winked at him and sauntered away on his horse, Kouyou was stunned yet again. 

The cheeky behavior of the royals in this palace was obviously a trademark they backed with their not so subtle advances every day but somehow the blond was happy to find that Yuu had a side like that as well. And as he watched him finish his lesson that day he felt content. He felt appreciation and warmth.

  
  


*****

Kouyou’s first day as Yuu’s protector had proved to be rather tiring. Looking after the prince was indeed time consuming and his nerves were on edge more than once in his attempts to be protective but gentle at the same time. Thankfully the rest of Yuu’s day was spent inside the palace and the blond was confident in his abilities to secure the boy in every room they entered. 

Yuu’s teachers seemed harmless and calm. Their voices were soothing which inspired sleep-deprived Kouyou to almost close his eyes and doze off more than once throughout the day. He did manage to stay in check and aware of their surroundings however, and ignored the burning glares Yuu’s sisters threw at him during supper.

The prince looked peaceful most of the time and Kouyou wondered if his own presence reflected on that in any way. The blond was growing desperate as he struggled to read the boy and his mannerisms, even when he wasn’t interacting with his protector, but his teachers or family instead. It didn’t take him long to realise that Yuu didn’t receive many reactions back. Most of the time he was simply ignored and Kouyou wasn’t surprised to see that he was hardly ever even included in the conversations around him. 

It only made the mystery behind the prince’s silence even more intriguing. The blond couldn’t help the curiosity which rose within him and often overpowered every other thought in his mind.

Kouyou was back in his room after he had completed all of his tasks for the day, but his chest felt tight and the unsettling feeling in his gut was troubling him even more, especially after he saw how little the prince ate during dinner. It worried him deeply and Kouyou was desperate to find out what stood behind Yuu’s lack of appetite. If only he prince could talk instead of giving everything and everyone the silent treatment that was beginning to frustrate Kouyou now.

He couldn’t just ask the prince straightforward, but maybe there was another way to build a bridge between them...even if it was built in silence.

He stood up and took an apple from the tray in his room and quickly walked over to Yuu’s door. Kouyou then politely knocked to alert the boy he was about to enter and opened it, stepping inside the room a moment later.

He found Yuu sitting cross legged on the bed, dressed in the same night clothes he wore the night before and with a book in his hands. When the boy looked up, he seemed tired and sleepy and that only spurred the blond further into what he went in there for in the first place. 

He approached the bed and sat near the prince, smiling at the confusion written in his dark eyes. When he placed the apple on the sheets Yuu’s eyebrows locked in a frown and there was a question in his gaze to which Kouyou was quick to answer with a sigh.

“Do you want to play another game before bed, your highness?”

The stare they shared was intense and Kouyou wondered if the boy would take advantage of his curfew and silently send him away, but instead Yuu’s lips curved in a smirk and he took the apple while offering the book to Kouyou, who hesitated in reluctancy as soon as the object was presented to him and open to a certain page. The blond glanced at the prince in slight confusion and felt somewhat intimidated by the smirk that still graced his face… and then a realization hit him.

“Do you want me to read it aloud?”

Yuu quickly nodded at that and Kouyou’s face lit up with excitement. But he had to make sure they were on the same page for the situation at hand as well.

“Are we sealing a deal right now?”

The prince’s smirk only grew and Kouyou was happy to see him take a bite from the apple and chew on it with contentment as he resumed their stare. The blond was ecstatic by the sudden progress they seemed to have and he looked down at the page he was supposed to read, but then another idea popped up in his mind. An idea that seemed dangerous but sent his heart into a different state of emotional flurry. He was excited and eager, the questions tormenting his mind all day desperate to find their answers. And Kouyou gave into his curiosity.

“How about we have another deal?”

Yuu’s smirk disappeared momentarily at that, but It didn’t stop Kouyou from uttering his next words.

“You can read and write, right, your highness? Maybe we can have a conversation instead? You can write and I can read what you’re saying?”

The prince immediately shook his head in disagreement. The distress Kouyou saw in Yuu’s gaze spoke of fear mixed with agonizing uncertainty and surprise. His eyes widened in a pool of emotions which Kouyou tried to decipher but couldn’t. His own emotions went into chaos as he tried to tame them. He wanted answers and he felt that he deserved them.

“Don’t you think it would be much more productive, your highness? It would be good for you. Communication is important and also can lift one’s spirit immediately. Maybe you will be surprised by the end of it and besides…” Kouyou took a breath, Yuu’s eyes penetrating him with raging intensity that almost forced him to cower away. “I have...questions. You can help me understand.” 

The book in Kouyou’s hands was taken away and the blond was shoved off the bed, by the angry prince, who’s touch was rough and rude in the way it forced him to stumble all the way to the small lobby outside. Once Kouyou was out of the room, Yuu closed the door under the blond’s nose with a bit more force than necessary. It took a while for Kouyou to realise what had just happened, and when he did there was regret that swelled his heart and anger boiled in his veins. 

Maybe he did press the prince a little more than necessary, but he was in the right to be seeking answers nonetheless. Everything surrounding the blond seemed so wrong and yet so right in it’s sick logic. The agitation Kouyou felt towards his new life, spurred him on to lift his hand and gently knock on the door in a sly attempt to seek forgiveness and try to console the boy back to his peaceful state. However an object thrown at the door was the only answer Kouyou received from the other end, and his pride was hurt yet again as the item rolled away as it fell to the ground and the blond knew.... the boy rejected in him in full that night and it was all his fault.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh boy.... ok here is another chapter  
> THANK YOU AGAIN TO MY LOVELY BETA OMG >>>> @IdiocyxAngst <3 <3  
> and hm  
> I guess it is obvious I am gonna hurt them, so I am not gonna try to defend myself.
> 
> ps: my obsession over 13th anniv looks is immence and showing keke


	3. Chapter 3

Kouyou had never thought that he would end up the way he did. When everything spiraled around him and he was swept away by the royal intrigues, his inner voice still told him that things would be alright. He was positive of his success and was convinced that his skillset was more than enough to fulfill the task at hand.

However, Yuu Shiroyama proved him wrong only a day after he had arrived at the palace. Kouyou was confident at first, as he followed every instruction with petty determination. He was a little weary at times but his confidence remained untouched. He had memorized most of the instructions that had been given to him but somehow Yuu was able to confuse him more than once, turning Kouyou’s life into living hell in only the span of a few days.

Kouyou never thought that such an innocent request as the one he made would turn the prince so angry, which only made his curiosity grow, quickly reaching a boiling point which affected everything the soldier did.

After Yuu’s mysterious tantrum took place, Kouyou saw a completely opposite side of the peaceful prince he had seen at first. Not only had Kouyou not slept because of the constant emotional turmoil his heart was racing with, but he also had to deal with an exceptionally grumpy prince. It took Kouyou an hour to force the young man out of bed the first day and Yuu didn’t touch his breakfast at all, despite Kouyou’s immense patience as he remained calm, and kept his posture, cold and unshakable when he tried to coax Yuu into taking a bite. All of his attempts got quickly rejected however as the prince fully ignored him in exchange. 

Yuu seemed to be observing Kouyou’s every move on his own and was following every gesture of the soldier while their routine continued to be spent in silence. Kouyou found himself swept up in a game of a cat and mouse, except he couldn’t tell who was the winning side and who was slowly conceding defeat.

Kouyou hated to think that it was probably him who was now losing his authority over the younger prince. He was slowly beginning to feel uneasy with every new trick Yuu was able to pull out of his sleeve. They were late for almost every single lesson the prince had the following week and by the end of it, Kouyou could already feel the ropes of suppressed insecurities and fears tightening around his neck. Yuu’s triumphant smiles and all-knowing smirks didn’t make the situation any better and Kouyou was beginning to lose his patience again.

The memory of him being forced to bow down, while the empresses shouted and nearly condemned him to become beheaded, was still clear in his mind. It was so vivid that Kouyou was absolutely terrified of the possibility to end up in the same position ever again. And as days rolled by and the silence between him and the prince grew heavier with every battle of glares and taunting stares they threw at each other, Kouyou realized he had enough. 

It was on the seventh day when he finally decided that a confrontation was unavoidable and necessary, as his nerves were hanging on by a thread threatening to break and wreak havoc upon everything and everyone. 

Kouyou and Yuu were back in the library, the prince comfortably positioned on a chair within arm’s reach from his protector as he had his face lowered, eyes focused on the books splayed on the table in front of him. There was a thoughtful expression on his face and Kouyou watched him with weary eyes, hoping to receive some kind of reaction or at least a glance from the prince. 

Things between them seemed to be getting worse today as Yuu refused to grant him any of his attention, not even his signature taunting smirk, and it wasn’t like the prince to not create an occasion deserving of that same provocation...like the look Kouyou was used to receiving at this point. The fact that Yuu hadn’t created the opportunity to tease him today was actually alarming. Hence why the blond was getting annoyed just by the simple fact that Yuu seemed to enjoy everything that he had put him through so far, especially the avoidance.

The soldier wasn’t sure if the prince was actually trying to get rid of him, but he wouldn’t be surprised if that was the case. Yuu was the childish one though, not Kouyou. The blond was here with a certain task and he was doing it well until his royal highness stepped in and showed his bratty attitude of a self-indulgent prince. 

Royals really were something special, but Kouyou wasn’t one to be fully compliant, including obeying everything they said and kissing their asses all the time. No, Yuu was Kouyou’s one-way ticket to his brighter future so he had to make sure things would go as planned. 

And as his eyes fell on the tray with the prince’s lunch on the table, food still untouched and unattended, Kouyou’s blood boiled with anger and disappointment. They had to leave for Yuu’s next lesson in 10 minutes. The prince was taking longer than usual to do his supposed homework again and by the looks of it, he had no intentions of touching his lunch at all this time.

Considering how tired and drained the boy looked today, Kouyou wasn’t gonna let it slide. The prince had to start listening to him or they were both in for serious trouble. It was Kouyou’s main task to take care of Yuu’s well being after all, which was probably why his stubborn heart wouldn’t rest as he watched the boy wither away before his eyes. 

Yes, it was Kouyou’s human sympathy that evoked these feelings in him, it definitely wasn’t the prince’s dark eyes and the way they made Kouyou’s spine tingle with excitement every time their gazes met. There was something really mystical in the way Yuu’s eyes were able to tell Kouyou exactly what they wanted or felt, and the blond had almost began to enjoy reading the boy and was slowly becoming fascinated by the odd connection they seemed to have. Despite the prince constantly ignoring him for the past week, the connection was still there...perhaps not as prominent as it was at first, but Kouyou could still feel it lingering in the silence.

As the tension increased and the warmth in these captivating orbs began to dissipate Kouyou was beginning to miss it and it only added to the frustration his hurt pride already made him feel.

Yuu’s gaze was probably the only thing that made him feel content and fulfilled, despite the way he was treated upon arriving at this place... and that thought alone angered the blond even more than he expected. He hated the insecurities that those conflicting emotions were awakening in him.

When Yuu stirred and closed the book that he was reading Kouyou flinched.

“Lunch.”

There was no glance cast his way again and Kouyou watched him as the prince scrunched up his nose and pushed the tray slightly away.

“You have 5 minutes to eat it, your highness.”

Yuu was quick to shake his head in disapproval and Kouyou’s blood was boiling again.

Yuu wasn’t allowed to be a brat to him today. Not anymore.

“We are not leaving until you eat it.” Kouyou’s tone was lower this time, demanding and sort of threatening, making Yuu halt slightly in his tracks as he continued to close the books in front of him. His eyebrows lowered for a moment, the corner of his lips curved slightly and the boy seemed amused. 

When he didn’t grant Kouyou his attention again but stood up instead, preparing to leave for his next class, the blond felt undermined. And it sent Kouyou’s feelings into a flurry mess which made him rise from his chair abruptly and take a deep breath, before declaring his next words.

“We are not going anywhere yet, your highness.” 

This caught the younger man off guard and Kouyou saw it in the way the prince’s face distorted in a frown, his posture stiffened and he seemed alarmed. The fact that his eyes were still averted and not making contact made Kouyou even more irritated.

“Please finish your lunch first, I’ll take responsibility if we are late for the next class.” Despite the fact that Kouyou was trying to sound polite and more understanding this time, it didn’t seem to attain the effects he hoped for. Instead, Yuu lifted his gaze and Kouyou felt the same electrifying heat that surged through his skin the night they first met. It almost felt like he’d been deprived of this gaze for too long and his body needed time to adapt and cope with the intensity of the boy’s stare. Yuu had been his only companion after all since the moment the soldier had arrived and Kouyou couldn’t believe how much he missed being acknowledged.

It took only a few seconds for the magic to dissipate and replaced by something less alluring and of a completely different nature. Yuu’s face morphed into one of taunt and mock satisfaction. He looked so pleased with their current situation it made Kouyou’s lungs clench painfully in his chest. The way Yuu’s lips curved into a teasing smirk after that, stunned Kouyou to the spot. But when Yuu spun on his heels and slowly walked away obviously determined to piss-off the blond and head to his next class... Kouyou lost it.

His hurt pride reacted instead of his brain and Kouyou was quick to follow the prince and reach him in a matter of a few long strides. His rough fingers circled around Yuu’s upper arm and the boy was spun around and forced to meet the other’s gaze.

Kouyou was furious and so was the prince. Both of their gazes were now set ablaze, sparks bouncing all around as the tension increased and reached its peak soon after, resulting in Kouyou’s tightening grip, Yuu’s frown deepening with disappointment and.. was that fear?

It struck something in the soldier, but It didn’t sway him one bit. The prince deserved it all, with his smirks, avoidance and mocking stares. Yuu’s attacks on his pride were merciless and full of all which Kouyou hated passionately and had avoided in his life. He never allowed anyone to give him the same kind of abusing neglect his family used to treat him with in the past. And he definitely wasn’t going to give in to the spoiled royal-ass of the boy he was supposed to look after right now.

There was pain resurfacing on Yuu’s face as he tried to free his upper arm from the painful grip of his protector, but Kouyou ignored it all. He ignored the way his heart leaped upon seeing the hesitation and fear in Yuu’s dark eyes, he ignored the slight blush on the soft cheeks as the boy’s flesh began to heat up, the warmth of which radiated from Kouyou’s chest. The blond tried to ignore his beating heart at that moment and forcefully pushed the prince into the nearest chair, tossing the boy on the seat and hovering above him in a threatening manner which made Yuu’s eyes widen in shock.

The boy was furious and struck by the uncharacteristic behavior of his so-called protector, but Kouyou was too angry and hurt to acknowledge the warnings in the prince’s eyes as they glared back. Their breathing was erratic and Kouyou’s mind was treading into its darkest realms once again.

“You better eat your lunch now, or I swear to god I’m pushing that food down your throat myself.”

Maybe Yuu was the one holding all the power over the soldier but when it came to the young man’s well being Kouyou had all the power he needed over the spoiled brat...or so he thought.

“How dare you!” 

A familiar old man’s voice made Kouyou’s blood freeze in his veins. Not again. Kouyou took a step back and managed to catch a final glance at the startled prince, before the back of his knee was kicked in the most humiliating way again and the soldier was forced to kneel before the boy as two pairs of hands restrained his movements and kept him in place.

Cold sweat broke out on Kouyou’s forehead as he felt the sudden dread and the blond refused to look up and meet Yuu’s gaze. Soft steps approached them and he guessed they were of the same watchful man which followed Kouyou since the first day he stepped into the palace. Kouyou was suddenly scared for his life once again.

“Apologize.”

When Kouyou’s hair was grabbed and he was forced to meet the prince’s eyes he saw that Yuu was staring at him with the sad orbs of compassion and distress. His gaze was cast down, but alarmed and the fear he felt was indeed genuine but mixed with so much sympathy. The soldier realized it was directed at him alone.

“I said…” the old man started again but was quickly silenced by the prince as the boy raised his hand towards him. 

Kouyou’s breathing was erratic again and his chest was in pain as he struggled to gain the needed oxygen back into his system. He hadn’t even realized he had been holding his breath until Yuu reacted in his favor and the blond felt relief wash over him. And yet, his heart couldn’t rest as the uncertainty of the situation was still present and fear raged within his veins.

As soon as the boy gestured to the guards, Kouyou was released and he quickly stood up on his feet, fixing his uniform and the collar of his shirt. He averted his gaze and refused to meet Yuu’s eyes again.

“Are you sure, your highness?” The old man spoke and Kouyou’s skin was prickled in fear. There was still an obvious threat in his tone. His peripheral caught Yuu nodding at the man and the prince stood up next. The boy walked over to him then and Kouyou gazed at them for a moment with peaked curiosity. He saw Yuu touching his lips with his index finger as if he was trying to tell the man to keep silent. There was surprise in the old man’s eyes, but he quickly nodded agreeing with the prince’s terms.

It startled Kouyou to realize that maybe Yuu was saving his ass right now and was also sparing him from punishment as well...maybe. The feeling was different and uncharacteristic of his master that the soldier couldn’t hide the surprise as it appeared on his face. It earned him a glare from the old man and although, on the outside, he did his best to remain stoic, the feeling didn’t ease his heart even one bit.

Yuu was already nearing the exit when the soldier snapped back to reality and moved again, trailing the prince’s footsteps with regained confidence.

……………

Kouyou took a final glance at Yuu’s bathroom, the marble surface of the walls making him feel uncomfortable as his own silhouette appeared wherever he looked. 

He was extremely irritated with himself and despite his efforts to ignore it all and follow his duties, the blond couldn’t tame his thoughts. The incident he had with Yuu earlier made him feel oddly guilty and unsatisfied with himself. He was uncertain of his motives as he realized the anger he had unleashed on the prince probably had much darker origins than he originally thought. It made him fall into a certain trap his mind used to trick him with many times before and Kouyou knew... he couldn’t blame anyone but himself about what happened.

Maybe the general was right to refuse him promotion after all, as the blond now saw for himself how difficult and impulsive he could be, unable to remain focused and breaking rules without a second thought.

He definitely didn’t blame the prince for not granting him another look for the rest of the day.

Even after Kouyou was done with checking the rooms and returned to the prince in the lobby, Yuu refused to lift his gaze and it ripped Kouyou’s insides a little, making him hold his breath for a moment before speaking up.

“It’s safe, you may enter your highness.” 

Yuu nodded at that. Kouyou watched as he walked over slowly to his door, entered the room and closed the door with a soft click. A sound so soft and yet powerful enough to make the blond flinch in his spot. Kouyou remained unmoving for a moment as his brain tortured him with more of the same questions that were recently spiraling in his mind. Why was Yuu so annoyed and determined to not communicate with him? Why was the prince hurting himself? Why did he protect Kouyou earlier today even though the blond definitely deserved what came for him? And most of all.. why wasn’t Yuu even looking at him anymore? 

Kouyou hated this. He hated the lobby, his room, his duties and even…

He turned around and took a final glance at the door to Yuu’s chambers, before he stalked inside his own room and began to undress his uniform in a particularly hasty and angry way.

Even Die wasn’t speaking to him, avoiding any encounters and refusing to let Kouyou enter the room in which Yuu was called into earlier that day.

His chest was burning with curiosity and he wanted to know what happened between them and if the younger prince had graced his brother with his words, even if only on paper. The one thing Kouyou had asked of the prince, innocent and logical but apparently so rude and disrespectful that Kouyou had to be punished for it day after day for an entire week.

Kouyou’s rage suddenly reached a peak and he tossed the jacket of his uniform on the bed next to his belt with unnecessary force.

“Why so angry?”

A familiar low and demanding voice came from behind him and Kouyou quickly turned around. His eyes widened as soon as he saw the blond prince in question leaning against the doorframe of his room. In his ire, the blond had apparently forgotten to close it. He really shouldn’t let his emotions interfere with his watchfulness.

He was confused at first but his nerves quickly eased as the realization came to him. Of course Die would be able to enter here since he probably had a key of his own. That meant Kouyou wasn’t the only one who had access to Yuu’s room. Good to know. And yet… after all of the avoidance Die inflicted on him, there he was, standing at Kouyou’s door and smiling softly, his eyes half lidded and looking somewhat tired as they watched him with their dark gaze.

“What’s going on?” Kouyou asked, still in shock from the sudden appearance of the prince.

“I should ask you the same question.” Die replied with scrutinizing eyes, but Kouyou didn’t feel intimidated this time. Not anymore. He couldn’t ignore the worry nestled in him though and so he remained silent, as he was certain Die wasn’t done and had more to say.

The prince proved him right only seconds later when he finally spoke again. “You are failing your task.”

The exclamation made Kouyou shiver in his spot, his anger was still untamed, and he was maybe even slightly more furious than before. The royal family seemed to have an expertise in getting on his nerves.

“The old man told you…” Kouyou said and lowered his gaze.

“Of course he did, but you know… You’ve been failing it for a while now. You’ve been here only a week and you already got on Yuu’s nerves.” The prince had a firm voice as he spoke, low and a tad bit annoyed. But it only served to annoy Kouyou even more and he didn’t take second to think twice before he began pouring out everything that was on his mind.

“Well he hates me. And for gods sake I have no fucking idea why because he absolutely refuses to speak with me. Which by the way is one of many things you totally forgot to mention. Why is he not talking? Why all the secrecy and the protection? What happened with his previous guard? Why is he not eating and how is this my fault when I’ve been doing everything I can to protect him- ”

“Wait..” Die suddenly interrupted him with a deep frown on his face. It spoke of distress and worry that Kouyou hadn’t seen him express before. As far as he remembered the prince had only two faces, the unreadable one and the smug one that Kouyou had come to despise. “He’s not eating?”

“Yes.”

Die averted his gaze and there was nothing but silence surrounding them. The prince seemed hurt and confused by the revelation and Kouyou was almost certain Die didn’t know that Yuu had been doing this to himself for however long the younger prince had been starving himself. The soldier was almost certain that it wasn’t alack of appetite which was preventing Yuu from eating normally. The boy was doing it all on purpose and there was a reason behind it. Something deep that Kouyou couldn’t read in him yet. If only Yuu would communicate with him instead.

“I’ll see what I can do about it.” The prince spoke again startling Kouyou out of his train of thought. “That doesn’t mean everything is alright though. You did something to anger him or else Yuu wouldn’t act like that. You have one day to fix things up or everything is over and you are returning home sooner than expected.”

Kouyou’s jaw nearly fell at Die’s words and he gaped at him abashed and utterly shocked.

Die eyed him for a last time but didn’t wait for a response, as he turned around, ready to leave when Kouyou’s anger took over in him once again and his next words escaped him.

“And why am I the one who’s getting punished again? Like it’s my fault your brother is a spoiled royal ass.”

  
That made Die quickly turn around and face him. The glare that Kouyou received wasn’t as harsh as he expected and knew he probably deserved for his outburst. But he would be lying if he didn’t admit that the way Die was glowering at him had a few tingles running through his skin with a daunting feeling.

“Watch your mouth Kouyou. I’m not the only one who can hear you.” The prince said with an intimidating tone while nodding to one of the corners in Kouyou’s room. The blond followed Die’s gaze and his eyes landed on the small tunnel in the wall connecting his and Yuu’s rooms, Kouyou’s heart sank.

“I hate this place.” He mumbled as he closed his eyes and took a deep breath. The thought of Yuu hearing their conversation was probably the worst part of his day so far.

“One more day, Kouyou.” Die reminded him with a knowing look and Kouyou remained frozen in his spot even after the prince left him alone, his emotions in total chaos once again.

He didn’t sleep a wink that night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...so here is another chapter up, thanks to the wonderful @IdiocyxAngst  
> I owe her so much. I hope we did well with this one and ah, as always any feedback is welcomed.
> 
> I am sorry for the late update. I just came back from Japan so I hope...next updates will roll one after another, much faster.


	4. Chapter 4

Kouyou left the prince’s breakfast on the table and took a quick glance at the boy who was now standing near the window, his soft purring cat resting in his hands and scrutinizing the blond protector from afar. And yet it wasn’t the gaze Kouyou had hoped to receive today.

He wasn’t sure if Yuu was even angrier with him at this point, especially since he probably heard Kouyou and Die’s conversation the previous night, but the posture of the young man seemed stiff despite the relaxing manner in which he kept petting the cat behind her ears and under her chin. His eyes weren't focused on her but averted and locked on something out of the window. Despite that, Kouyou had made enough noise to alert the boy he was there and that his breakfast had been brought in and was ready.

Yuu was still in his night clothes, the white collar of his shirt seemed loose around his neck and the soldier worried for a moment. It alarmed him every time he was able to take a better look at Yuu’s silhouette, especially in the mornings when there weren’t enough layers of clothing to cover his lithe body and tired frame.

Yuu looked bad and Kouyou’s heart was beating in a new rhythm which he couldn’t yet understand nor explain. It must have been his emotional heart, which kept torturing him even more now after their incident in the library the previous day.

Kouyou had enough time to think about his mistakes and their situation, hence the blond didn’t pester the boy to touch his breakfast, nor tried to call Yuu’s attention upon himself. He found it futile now after having shown such a bad side of himself to the prince that he felt he probably didn’t deserve to be on Yuu’s good graces. He would expect that the prince would hate him by now and Kouyou decided to end the overwhelming silence before it drove him mad. He had to; he had no choice.

“I will be waiting outside, your highness.” the soldier mumbled in an uncharacteristic way and walked out without waiting for Yuu to react to his words.

He simply strolled out of the room and stood in the lobby as he tried to clear his mind. He tried to not think of all the things that clouded his judgment and stirred up the nestled insecurities inside his chest. His breathing felt suddenly shallow, like he had just run a marathon and his body was exhausted, probably failing to keep up with the life he was forced to lead for the past few days now.

He didn’t want this, but he hadn’t expected to fuck up so soon either. Die looked serious when he threatened him the previous night and Kouyou knew that he had to come up with something quick or he was bound to fail his task and leave the palace sooner than expected. He wasn’t a quitter and the harder his tasks were, the more determined he was to accomplish them. He liked to be challenged and take risks. But something was telling him that the bodyguard job he had been tricked into, held a lot more secrets and unpredictability than anything he’d ever encountered before.

He was surprised and realized that the unsettlement he felt with himself might be partly because of fears he had suppressed that were finally resurfacing, thanks to the insecurities he had failed to tame. Yuu had practically already rejected him and probably had no intentions of making things right with his protector. For some reason, the thought alone was able to scare the blond to the core of his bones. He wanted to apologize too but he did not know how, nor was he sure if he had the strength to put aside his pride and say the words aloud. He was so stubborn that he sometimes even disliked himself. And yet somewhere deep down, he thought he might be willing to accept the idea of submission even if it was just in part, but not without lots of resistance and hesitation. He had to win the prince back on his side today or his future would be destroyed forever and there would be no going back. And if putting his pride aside for at least a moment would grant him this, then maybe he’d talk himself into submitting...just this once.

When Yuu appeared in the lobby, dressed in his uniform and ready for his horse ride, Kouyou didn’t flinch, nor did he give any signs that he acknowledged the prince's presence. However, as soon as they made their way outside and headed down the corridor to the open gardens where the lesson was supposed to take place, a certain old man reappeared causing them to stop in their tracks.

It appeared that the empress was requesting the prince’s presence. The revelation sent odd chills running down Kouyou’s spine the moment the old man requested for the prince to head to the Empress’ chambers, the ones which spoke of danger and stirred up the soldier’s nerves. For a moment, all of his previous emotional torment had been wiped off by the simple fear of the unknown. He hadn't had the chance to spend time in the presence of the empress since their unfortunate encounter on Yuu’s 18th birthday, and the soldier was unsure of how things would go.

Was he on the empress’ blacklist still and should he fear for his life? That thought kept ringing inside his head until they reached the Empress’ chambers. Kouyou took a breath before walking inside and followed Yuu’s steps quietly until the boy stopped at the center of another enormous room.

As Kouyou looked around, he realized how different the setting was. Everything seemed to be basking in the light; every piece of furniture was painted in white. It looked almost surreal as everything seemed to draw his attention with it’s strange and odd nature. The room seemed foreign and the designs looked rich. There was commotion taking place at the back and Kouyou took a glance at the prince who now looked nervous and...disturbed. His posture was stiffer and his eyes were cast down as if he was waiting for something quite unpleasant to take place.

There were fabrics and clothes of different origins splayed around and Kouyou was mesmerised by the beautiful patterns of the kimonos that graced every wall. The beauty of it all was enough to send Kouyou deep into thought and he didn’t even realize when the dark figure of the empress had approached them from the side.

“My darling.” Her thin voice startled Kouyou out of his gaze as he saw the woman approach the prince. Her thin hands landed on his shoulders, gently touching Yuu’s dark locks of hair.

Yuu wasn’t moving and Kouyou wasn’t sure if he was even breathing at this point. The young man was like a statue, not responding to the empress words, not even with a gesture or a smile.

It alarmed Kouyou immediately and the hair at the back of his neck stood up. The blond had to fight every fiber of his body as the fire of doubt had reignited with new destructive force within him.

He had never seen Yuu look so hollow and void of emotion before. His frame was so unreadable that Kouyou couldn’t help but feel oddly disturbed. He remained in his spot, however, simply watching them from afar and didn’t dare make a sound as the situation unfolded before him.

“We have to make sure we are prepared for our guests, darling.” the woman spoke again, her voice just as thin as moments ago but carrying a lot of weight this time. Yuu didn’t react to her words again.

“There is some business to be done, a few more alliances to be sealed.”She laughed, her hand grabbing the prince by the wrist and leading him towards a group of women who seemed to be fretting over something splayed on the table at the back. When Kouyou got closer and recognized the set of makeup and folded fabrics on the side, he felt a painful throb in his chest and took another glance at the prince.

Yuu was made to sit on a chair not too far from him and Kouyou tried to examine his face and posture again. It startled him to see that the prince had managed to seal his emotions away already, the blond couldn’t help the worried look as it appeared on his face. However, Yuu seemed to be the only one noticing the change in Kouyou’s emotional state, his gaze landing on the soldier for a brief moment, eyes widening slightly before returning to their previous unreadable lock on the empress instead. The woman was talking again and the blond decided to focus on it, as it provided as a distraction to the unsettling in his chest.

“The Matsumoto family will be arriving soon. Your father is yet to seal the trade for iron they have been negotiating. You know how fond Takanori has always been of you. We have to make sure you’ll look perfect at all times.” The empress gestured to the servants in the room and the women quickly rushed to the prince who remained frozen in his seat. Kouyou tried to keep his emotions under control and kept his eyes on the prince, unsure what was happening as he continued trying to analyze the situation before him.

Yuu’s eyes grew colder as one of the women combed his hair. Her touch seemed gentle, putting the wild strands in order, taming them into a small half ponytail at the back of the prince’s head. It was similar to the one Yuu had when Kouyou had met him for the first time. A few strands fell to the sides, framing the prince’s face, accentuating his beauty even more.

“I rely on you to please the young prince. I count on you to make Takanori’s stay a pleasurable one. You know how important the deal is for your father and our country.” The way in which the empress spoke of the other prince, made Kouyou’s insides stir and he noticed the way Yuu’s fingers gripped at the armrest of his chair, his knuckles turning white instantly. It swelled Kouyou’s heart with sympathy, while Yuu’s face remained cold and just as lifeless as moments ago.

Another woman powdered Yuu’s face, before her delicate fingers outlined the shape of the prince’s eyes with kohl. Yuu’s gaze suddenly looked darker and more intimidating with its empty gaze and the woman moved to his lips, the tint added to them making the young man look even younger, pure and virtuous. Once his makeup was completed, the empress leaned closer and held Yuu’s chin with her fingers. A long, painted nail, traced the curve of the prince’s full lips and the way his master remained motionless like a doll in her hands made Kouyou tremble. He couldn’t recall a time when a woman seemed so dangerous and frightening in his life before.

“I like it.” she whispered, her eyes focused on her son’s painted face and she released his chin, gesturing to the women and smiling maniacally this time.”Do his nails next.”

Soon, one of the servants reached out her fingers and found their way to Yuu’s hand, the prince slapped them away and jerked in his seat. Silence filled the room for the next few moments, as Yuu’s chest rose and fell at a rapid speed. The empress didn’t waste any time and walked over to her son, her hand lifting and delivering a loud smack across the prince’s face.

Kouyou stopped breathing right then, as his eyes locked on the shivering form of his master. The boy’s face was spun to the side and his eyes remained closed, while his body struggled to return to its previous peaceful state. There was a pain in Kouyou’s chest, one he never felt before and didn’t know how to deal with at all.

“You have to behave, my darling.” the empress spoke with fake kindness, while her hand tucked a strand of hair behind Yuu’s ear. Her fingers held his chin again and forced him to look at her as she kept talking. “Don’t force me to be mean to you, again.”

Kouyou felt sick. He was in shock. Unable to decipher the harshness with which the empress treated her son, his sense of justice began to rage inside of him like a storm in spring. He couldn’t understand and he refused to do so as he saw the hues of humiliation appearing on the prince’s face. Kouyou felt helpless for a moment. Realizing that the boy needed his protector more than ever, and yet his guard couldn’t hurt a royal despite how much the blond craved to do so right now. It was then Kouyou realized he had to do something and protect Yuu still even if it wasn’t in the most traditional ways.

He bent his knee next and took a submissive position, his head lowered and unable to see the royal’s reactions as his words escaped him in a hurried mess.

“Forgive me, your majesty, for I interrupt you now but please understand my worries. The tasks I have been given by the crown prince had been very strict and forgive my rudeness but the prince is already late for his lesson. It is my duty to remind your majesty, the prince’s schedule is tight today and I fear the royal’s wrath. I strive to be compliant and meet my master’s expectations, hence I humbly ask for your understanding. I fear that the prince is too late for his lesson already. If you wish to spend more time with him, I will simply remain silent and comply, but I want to make sure I won’t earn the crown prince’s punishment all the same.”

When Kouyou stopped speaking he was out of breath. His lungs clenched and the soldier remained on the floor, unmoving and not producing a sound. He simply waited for the empress’ answer to his pleas and he hoped that his tone and posture were obedient enough for the woman to consider not beheading him this time. He knew his act was bold, his words daring despite their humble nature and Kouyou knew that punishment was probably the most logical outcome he should expect.

The silence in the room was suffocating but the blond didn’t feel any type of regret in his heart. The hurt look Yuu’s eyes held after his face had been struck by the heavy hand of his mother was still vivid in Kouyou’s mind and for some reason, his blood was boiling, quickly reaching a dangerous degree and making his limbs shiver with rage. He couldn’t believe how angry he felt. He didn’t feel capable of forgiving the way the empress had treated her son. It felt wrong and unjust. The blond couldn’t stay aside and watch. Whatever the consequences were, he would gladly take them now.

“Rise up, soldier.” the empress voice was calm, not carrying any threatening undertones and Kouyou hesitated for a moment before he complied and stood up. When their gazes met the blond was surprised to see that the woman was smiling at him, a sly look in her eyes. She quickly closed the distance between them and when her hand touched his shoulder, Kouyou flinched. That instantly resulted in her smirk growing wider.

“Why should I be angry, if Yuu’s protector is so dedicated?” she giggled and the madness Kouyou saw in her eyes was petrifying. He couldn’t move or breathe and he finally saw and understood the reason behind Yuu’s current lifeless state. It was protection, a wall he built that those eyes of condemnation couldn’t penetrate and Kouyou wished he was capable of the same right now. He felt vulnerable and so exposed.

“I think it’s time for us to have a talk” she exclaimed and walked over to her son, letting Kouyou take a breath again as he was no longer under the effects of the empress mad gaze.

“I will send out a word, once your presence is required. You may go now. We don’t want my darling Yuu to miss his lesson. It is important to make a good impression on his father as well.”

When Kouyu looked at the prince, Yuu had the same expression he had since they arrived in this room. It was scary to watch and the soldier was worried for the boy this time as he was still unable to read any emotions on the prince’s face. Once they were dismissed, the young man was the first to move and head to the exit with a fast pace. Kouyou was surprised but did not dare question the prince, as they strode down the corridors and reached the gardens not long after.

As they walked towards the stables Kouyou noticed a troop of soldiers on the side. There were different kinds of large and developed weapons positioned around the field. The cloudy weather made everything look gloomy and dark. The colors of everything seemed to have lost their vivid strength making everything seem lifeless, from the soldiers to the near forests and plants.

Kouyou looked around for a second time and noticed Yuu had suddenly sped up his pace. His steps were longer and faster, his figure looked stiffer from behind and Kouyou had to speed up his walk or he was afraid he wouldn’t be able to keep up. Yuu’s aura seemed to have changed for the worse. Especially after they had left the Empress’ chambers and the soldier was still so stunned and in a slight stupor himself, not being able to recognize the prince as his behavior had taken another 180-degree spin.

The teacher was already waiting for them, sitting on the saddle of his black stallion, while Yuu’s white horse stood still on the side, unmoving and her soft gaze locked on her master, who suddenly sped up his pace again and ran to her making Kouyou’s heart take a leap in his chest.

Yuu was fast, reaching his horse in no time, as he got on the saddle with a quick jump. There was no hesitation as he pulled the reins and strode off into the nearest forest, leaving his teacher and protector completely stunned and in shock. Kouyou’s heart began racing inside his chest, his mind in sudden disarray as he began to process all the details of what had just happened. He shook himself out of his stupor as he knew he had to come up with something fast. His instincts kicking in immediately and making him run off to where Yuu’s teacher was still standing frozen to his spot.

“Get off the horse.” He growled but the man just glared at him, making Kouyou raise his voice, his tone turning into a commanding one. “I said, get off the fucking horse! Now!”

The fire in his chest was burning with destructive intensity, the strength of which was now mirroring into his eyes as his glare put the man to submission and he got off the animal quickly. The moment the saddle was free, Kouyou quickly climbed on top of it and didn’t waste any time as he pulled the reins and strode off into the direction in which the prince had taken off.

It was then the soldier realized Yuu was no longer in sight. Once he was inside the forest himself, Kouyou took several breaths as he tried to tame both his heart and lungs. The adrenaline in his veins seemed to reignite the newfound fires of doubt — uncertainty mixed with insecurities he tried hard to suppress. He had to find the prince asap and he wasn’t even sure why his heart was racing the way it did. It took the soldier several deep breaths to recall all he had learned in his training, taking a glance at his surroundings and noticing the way in which the grass laid on the ground to his right...as if someone stomped on it in a hurry just moments ago.

Kouyou’s breath hitched and was quick to follow the traces his prince was careless enough to leave behind. He took note of the broken branches and the mushy ground which soon took over as there was no longer stomped grass but mud instead. It signaled the soldier that a river might be nearby and he followed the horse traces on the ground as they got more prominent until he heard the sound of rushing water nearing as well.

Kouyou held his breath as a small meadow was finally revealed. A piece of colorful paradise in the middle of the gray canvas that was the forest right now. Small rays of sunlight penetrated the canopy of trees above him, and he took a look around, spotting the dark figure of the prince and his horse a few meters away. The young man was crouching where a small river was passing by. Splashing sounds reached Kouyou’s ears as he approached him cautiously. Once close enough for the prince to notice him, Yuu halted in his movements and flinched, freezing in place and waiting for the soldier to make his next move.

Kouyou jumped off the horse and approached the boy with soft steps, reaching his spot and crouching beside him on the rocks. Once he was able to see the side of Yuu’s face, the blond realized he had never seen him express such vulnerability as this right now. The prince looked annoyed — infuriated in fact, with his eyes glassy and his face wet. Droplets left traces on his high cheekbones and down his strong jaw and neck. The makeup around Yuu’s eyes was smudged and almost gone, making him look even more….broken. The image made Kouyou sigh, realizing that the prince was in even bigger inner turmoil than he was, pain resurfacing on his gorgeous youthful features as he remained still. Probably too embarrassed of the state he was in.

Kouyou was sure the Empress’ words and behavior had hurt Yuu deeply and he couldn’t blame him either, considering how mad she looked as she forced him to obey her whims. He was almost sure the woman was demented at this point, her crazy eyes being the most frightening he had ever seen. He couldn’t believe such a person held so much power in her hands and even got away with treating others in the worst ways possible while being violent all the same. The way she slapped the prince was so outrageous it made Kouyou’s blood boil even now, as the memory refused to leave his thoughts.

He was so sorry for all of his previous anger now, as his heart throbbed with sympathy and a strange sense of...pain? He wanted to comfort the hurt boy but he did not know how, nor did he know if it was his place to do so at all. He never thought the prince would be maltreated by his mother in any way. Having witnessed the small interaction between the two made him wonder if the young man might be mistreated in any other ways. And somehow….Kouyou felt that he was able to understand him better now.

“Can I?” the soldier asked, his voice soft and soothing but, it made the boy flinch nonetheless.

When Yuu looked at him, Kouyou’s blood froze in his veins. The humiliation he felt since his first day in the castle couldn’t compare to the one written all over Yuu’s dark orbs. It took him a while to realise the prince was actually confused by his question and was waiting for him to continue.

“You have some left.” He muttered and reached up to Yuu’s eyes, ignoring the shocked expression of the prince as his thumb brushed at the boy’s eyelids, wiping the last traces of kohl from the delicate skin. He was careful and gentle as he managed to clean all of the makeup left on Yuu’s face and was happy to see the clear, mesmerising gaze of those orbs locked on him without the intimidating darkness which framed them moments ago. And for some reason, he felt so free of scrupulous and meaningless etiquette that he was forced to maintain in the castle. The forest felt so different, the air was pure, the sounds of the running water beside them brought comfort to both of their hearts as they simply exchanged looks of understanding...and sympathy.

Kouyou felt no regrets for touching the prince nor for his next words as they escaped him.

“You hate it. The clothes...the makeup, all of that glam you wore the first night I met you.”

Yuu’s eyebrows closed in a frown but he quickly nodded afterward, his gaze lowering and avoiding Kouyou’s own. The soldier didn’t even realise that he was breaking the proper etiquette as he failed to mention the prince’s title this time.

“I like the hair though.” He didn’t think before he spoke and Yuu glared at him with the eyes of a prideful prince, making Kouyou giddy inside as he managed to bring back at least a brink of that confidence he knew the prince held. “it reveals more of your face...you don’t look as intimidating right now.”

A smile broke on the prince’s face at that and this time the way he averted his eyes spoke of a different kind of embarrassment. One which quickly painted his cheeks in the same vivid tones Kouyou remembered and missed. At least Yuu seemed to be easing up and the vulnerability that radiated from him was beginning to fade away again.

“Are you worried...about the event her majesty spoke about?”

Yuu’s smile quickly faded, but Kouyou couldn’t suppress the urge to try and coax the prince into some sort of communication. He was actually desperate for it and Yuu’s walls seemed to be crumbling right now. Kouyou had to take the chance no matter what.

“Or...are you worried about the way she spoke about that prince?”

This time Yuu flinched again and he gazed at his protector with worried eyes. He nodded.

“Is Takanori kind to you?” The soldier quickly pressed on the matter. Seeing the way most royals were acting around here, he wouldn’t be surprised if the Empress wasn’t the only person to be as mad and violent in her advances. Especially towards Yuu. The prince was quick to smile briefly before nodding again.

“Are you sure?” Kouyou was suspicious nonetheless but Yuu’s smile grew as he nodded again and the reassurance in his eyes seemed genuine. The soldier had no choice but to believe him and a tired sigh escaped him. It was then that loud thundering sound shook everything surrounding them, from the tall trees to the rocks on which they crouched near the small river. The horses fumbled in the dirt and whined, making high pitched sounds mixed with growling ones full of distress. It alarmed Kouyou immediately as he stood up, Yuu following him quickly after. The reason behind the odd commotion hit him only a second later.

“The new weapons….” He whispered. Then another sound shook the whole forest, making the horses go wild, growling in fear as they rose and whined. Of course, the new weapons had to be tested exactly when Kouyou and the prince were out in the open and their only transport happened to be none other than the two horses — one of which was the most sensitive animal to walk this earth.

Yuu was quick to rise from the rocks and he grabbed the reins of his white beauty, delivering gentle caress all along her strong neck and jaw. Kouyou wasn’t surprised to see how fast the animal was tamed and how obedient she was to her gentle master as he continued to soothe her with his tender touch.

The black stallion, however, seemed to become angrier with every attempt Kouyou took to approach him and grab the reins. The way the animal stomped away and jumped in his place, obviously not impressed but rather confused and annoyed by Kouyou’s advances, seemed to scare the blond a little as he hadn’t seen a horse get this wild before. The stallion’s dark frame looked monstrous now, his big eyes scanning his surroundings with a look of madness and despair.

Kouyou made another attempt to approach him, halting his own breath and hoping that the animal would submit to his kindness and his touch. The horse produced a loud growl instead and Kouyou froze in fear as he saw a pair of wovens aim at his face, but then…. a strong push sent him to the side avoiding the hit, his body landing on the soft wet ground.

The weight which crashed on him didn’t cause him the pain he had expected. Instead, he felt a warmth spread along his torso just before he hit the ground and rolled to the side, the body which he quickly guessed belonged to the prince, still pressed against his own. He became dizzier as the two rolled down the incline, he hadn’t noticed they had been standing on, prompting them to roll faster and further down the slope. His body grew weak in a matter of seconds, losing any feel of gravity as they spun, until there was only pain and blow to his head. Kouyou lost his vision in an instance, his brain wiped out of any thoughts the moment his body came to a stop and he was engulfed in darkness.

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really hope you guys enjoyed this chapter, I've been waiting for it myself. The empress is my fav villain.  
> Thank you so much for reading and getting this far too! I decided to post some sketches of the characters, so they'll be up very soon. /arting is back at full force this Christmas break hehe/
> 
> ALSO THANK YOU FOR THE HARD WORK ON THIS ONE @IdiocyxAngst !!!!!!! (She was so patient with me)  
> I really hope you guys like where I am going with the story. I assure you it was done with lots of love. I think this is turning into one of my most precious bbies ever. Itried.jpg
> 
> ps: writing is flowing, I am super happy.... better keep it up


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry that I missed to update last week. I was with my family for new years and wow it was such chaos :D  
> I hope everyone had wonderful holidays and I really hope you guys gonna like the new chapter ah enjoy ~

There was silence — one of comfort and Kouyou felt timeless... weightless...floating into nothingness. That was until his skin prickled, his senses came back and he felt submerged by many emotions which crushed him and caused him a familiar pain. It surged through his limbs, his chest went ablaze and he hissed, his eyes slowly parting but his vision was too blurry to make out any of his surroundings. There was a bright light that blinded him at first. Quickly frustrating him with its annoying intensity and the blond fought the pain in his temples, as he was now determined to stay awake.

His mind cleared shortly afterwards, coherent thoughts slowly filling his head once again and pushing away the emptiness he previously felt. His eyes began to regain their focus soon after, recognising the silhouettes of the trees hovering above him. Cold air invaded his lungs but he focused on the smell of rain and grass that filled his senses as they distracted him, freeing his mind until he was able to think straight again. He felt a familiar weight crushing him and it was then he realised there was someone laying on top of him as he laid on his back. The flashbacks that came to him in a wave only worsened the pain in his temples even more.

“My prince….” his voice was so low it was barely there and yet...the body on top of him stirred and he felt slight movements as the young man seemed to awaken but wasn’t coming to his senses yet. Kouyou pushed himself further and his voice was raspy when he called for him again. “Yuu”

At that, the body stirred even more and the weight on his chest lifted a second later. The boy managed to push himself up and Yuu’s face hovered over Kouyou’s. Мessy strands of hair brushed at the soldier’s cheeks and frightened eyes stared at him in horror. Kouyou was speechless for a couple of seconds as he examined the gorgeous features of the prince. The panic in Yuu’s dark orbs grew by the second, turning them watery and darker than they had ever been. It was so cold that the soldier felt an odd sensation of warmth brush at his face every time the prince exhaled. His eyes scanned Yuu’s skin and his gaze landed on the crimson staining his collar and neck, which sent a throbbing pain in his chest.

“Are you hurt?” he asked, his eyes still locked on the place where blood seemed to have spread and Yuu touched his neck and examined it, shaking his head a second later and assuring his protector that he was unharmed.

However, Yuu’s face distorted in even more distress and Kouyou was confused as he pondered what caused the change in the prince’s state….until the boy reached down and caressed the back of his head.

A surge of pain made Kouyou growl and he felt Yuu tremble above him, The prince removed himself from the soldier's body then and sat up next to him while still hovering over his face. Faint far away noises made their way to the soldier’s ears and he recognised them as the ones of distress only the black stallion could’ve produced. 

So the horse was still around. There was a brief idea that crossed his mind, but Kouyou quickly pushed it away, realising that there was no way for them to make the animal help them go back — at least not in their current state.

When he looked at Yuu again, Kouyou saw him staring at his bloodied hand with wide eyes. His fingers began to tremble soon after.

He was falling into shock.

“My prince” he called for him again, but Yuu wasn’t responding.

Kouyou didn’t even think before the young man’s name left his lips.

“Yuu.”

The prince flinched immediately and his wide eyes lifted to stare at his protector. It made Kouyou’s heart fall, seeing the young man so terrified and he saw genuine concern and worry in the boy’s eyes. It was all directed at Kouyou only.

Another throb in the soldier’s chest made him snap out of his own stupor and the soldier tried to prepare the prince for what was coming next.

“Yuu, I want you to listen to me. Everything will be alright.”

His soothing voice seemed to be working it’s magic because the soldier had the prince’s attention fully on himself now. There was no way for Kouyou to examine his own state, considering there was pain all over and he couldn’t move...at least not yet. Yuu was his only chance for them both to survive.

“I need you to look at my head. Is there any blood spilling out of my ears or nose?”

The prince immediately complied and hovered closer. His touch was gentle as he examined Kouyou’s head for said injuries and it made Kouyou ease up as he suddenly felt calmer and more confident that they were going to be fine... as long as Yuu stayed with him and didn’t fall back into shock. 

His reactions so far spoke of inexperience and Kouyou wondered if he had ever been in similar situation before...the blood seemed to be Yuu’s biggest scare nonetheless.

When the prince was done, he shook his head assuring the soldier that he was alright. Kouyou couldn’t feel any iron taste in his mouth either which was good

“I don’t think I have a fracture. I will be alright Yuu.” he tried to smile at the prince, but it didn’t affect the young man as he expected. Yuu’s breathing was rapidly increasing instead and Kouyou was afraid he was going to fall into shock again.

“There is a lot of blood when the head is injured Yuu, that is normal.” he tried to smile again. “We have to lift my head and press the wound, It has to be at a higher level than my body.” Koyou didn’t have time to ponder of any options himself, because Yuu was already straightening up and removing the coat of his uniform. Once he was done the cloth was quickly folded and placed under Kouyou’s head.

“It is cold— ” Kouyou growled in protest, but the moment he felt the pressure on his wound he felt relief. His pounding headache seemed to be subsiding as well.

However, when he looked at the prince he realised the boy was trembling. His collared shirt seemed too thin and despite the vest hugging his waist, it didn’t seem to be enough to protect him from the cold in the woods. Winter was still present and there was time until spring ascended. Kouyou was thankful that there wasn’t any snow left to make their conditions even worse.

Yuu stayed with him for a little while longer, simply crouching next to him, trembling and caressing his neck, making sure that the blood had eventually stopped soaking the coat underneath. Kouyou had begun to regain the feeling in his limbs now and he managed to move slightly, lifting his hand and tucking few strands away from the prince’s face.

The fact the prince was so caring and gentle only made him feel warmer by the second— realising that maybe the way his heart pounded with adrenaline and awakened his body resulted from a newfound bond he seemed to have sealed with the boy. Yuu seemed concerned and Kouyou felt cared for... a feeling he hadn’t experienced in years. He actually wondered if he ever been treated with such care even as a kid. He never had someone fret so much over his injuries and he’d been through a lot. Some of the worst bruises he suffered were caused by his training and Yuu’s concern over something seemingly trivial as a hit on his head, at least in comparison to greater injuries he’d sustained in the past, made Kouyou feel slightly embarrassed and giddy. He liked the feeling even if he wasn’t ready to admit it yet.

He couldn’t help it as he began to wonder what stood behind Yuu’s concern and worry over his condition. They had a rough start and Kouyou felt undeserving of the things the prince was giving him right now. If they actually had made progress and this bond he felt between them was real, Kouyou wouldn’t have minded it at all. However, as time passed and Kouyou was slowly going back to full consciousness, the soldier began to stress over another important detail. He couldn’t tell how long they’d been out. The sun seemed to be set lower than it was when they arrived. But it was still hard to tell because of the woods surrounding them and Kouyou wondered if it had been hours since they rolled down the slope. It must have been a while either way, considering how cold he felt when he woke up. He couldn’t move or feel his body, and as the adrenaline kicked in and slowly warmed up his blood to a boiling degree, he was now beginning to feel the prickling pain in his limbs as they came back to life.

“Yuu…” he called for the prince again and the boy smiled at him, obviously much calmer than he was before. The soldier didn’t even realise he had dismissed their etiquette completely by now. It felt futile to be mindful of it given the situation they were in. It seemed to have a soothing effect on the prince too. “You have to go back.”

It took only a second for the boy to realise what Kouyou was asking of him and his eyebrows locked in a furrow as he frowned.

“They are probably looking for you. But we don’t know when and if they will find us. It’s going to get even colder soon and you are already freezing. You have to go back.”

The glare Yuu threw at the soldier was murderous. Kouyou was able to read so many emotions floating in Yuu’s dark orbs. Hurt and anger seemed to be the most prominent as they were first to strike him and Kouyou’s skin went ablaze. Yuu shook his head soon after, denying Kouyou’s reasonings and the prince’s face radiated with disappointment. When his eyes turned glassy, Kouyou was stricken by another annoying feeling which made his hand lift up and grab Yuu’s which was now laying on his chest.

“See…” he tried to console the young man into listening to him again, as his fingers moved and his skin set fire to the freezing hand of the prince. “I have been in the cold before. I know what I am doing. I have survived through worse. You can’t carry me so... go the fuck back!”

Kouyou didn’t even realise that he rose his voice this time. He was scared himself now, the prince’s stubbornness making him feel anger and empathy at the same time. He felt helpless, seeing the way his words fell on deaf ears and the young man simply shook his head again, disagreeing with his protector. It made the soldier so angry, his headache was almost back to its previous agonizing degree.

It was then Yuu suddenly stood up and he threw one last glare at the soldier on the ground, before he turned around and slowly walked away. Kouyou could swear he saw tears in the boy’s eyes and it only made him feel worse.

Why was the prince so annoyingly stubborn every time Kouyou made an attempt to protect him? Was he so blinded by his own emotions that he failed to see what Kouyou was doing? The soldier was here with one task only and his life had been devoted to fulfilling his duties at all costs. Yuu was his only duty as well as his honor now and Kouyou couldn’t deny that fact anymore. He felt slightly relieved now as Yuu seemed to have listened to his words, but something was telling Kouyou that the prince was yet to surprise him again. They had been through enough already and the soldier couldn’t trust the young man. The prince’s glares had always signalled rebellion in the past.

Kouyou tried to focus on his senses next as fear began to empty his head of anything coherent. He didn't even realise when Yuu had become his only concern. The soldier focused on his limbs as he moved slightly. His hands gripped at the mud underneath him and he was able to feel the gritty texture with his skin. His legs were next to move and he managed to fold them slightly. He was beginning to feel his body again. He should be able to lift himself up soon and find shelter before the night fell and made him freeze to death. Or maybe Yuu would reach the castle in time and have someone directed to where Kouyou was. 

Yes, Yuu was stronger than anyone thought, Kouyou wouldn’t doubt the prince and his abilities to find his way back. He would reach the castle and be saved. He had to. 

He owed it to Kouyou as well.

The soldier focused on his body next and he tried to prepare himself for his next step— lifting up and not losing consciousness in the process. He didn’t know if he had a concussion at this point and lifting himself up would be a struggle. His past experiences made him remember that much.

He was almost ready to finally make an attempt and lift himself from the ground when he heard steps. It made him freeze and remain in his spot, simply unmoving and halting his breath. As the steps got heavier and the noises became clearer the soldier was able to recognise them as hooves thumping the mud. It took only a couple of seconds and Kouyou was able to stare at the noble frame of the same animal which caused the incident that landed him in this pathetic condition in the first place.

Fear made his eyes grow wide, and Kouyou’s breath hitched the moment his eyes fell on the person he expected to see the least right now. His prince stared at him from above, lips parted as he took several cold breaths in a row. Kouyou’s entire being was on fire as his mind was desperately trying to put his newfound feelings in some comprehensible order. Yuu didn’t leave him...he was here now and considering how long it took him to come back, Kouyou knew the boy never had the intention of leaving him. Yuu was a different kind of royal, carrying a noble heart, that was fearsome and unshakable in it’s stubborn and impulsive mess... and as Kouyou realised the level of risk the boy had taken, only to bring help along with him, made Kouyou’s eyes water with appreciation and an odd kind of gratitude that he had never felt before.

It was a mixture of shame and relief.

He didn’t dare say a word and he simply watched the prince as he slowly moved in front of the horse. His hands gently caressed the animal’s jaw, drawing soothing patterns on its silky head. It was like a ritual for the boy and the animal, as Yuu continued with his kind gestures until the horse’s gaze softened and his breathing became calm.

It was mesmerizing to watch and Kouyou followed every movement the boy made as he continued his work and his hands trailed down the horse’s neck. Kouyou couldn’t believe how different the stallion was now, so calm and uncharacteristically obedient compared to the noisy monster he remembered him to be. 

Yuu had him under control and the prince slowly walked over to the side of the horse, careful to not scare the tamed animal with unnecessary noise or movements. His hands left fleeting touches down the horse’s front leg and Kouyou was baffled at how easy it was for the prince to coax the animal into full submission.

When Yuu locked his eyes back on him, Kouyou was able to breathe again, his own eyes shamefully staring back. 

The prince crouched next to him and it alarmed the soldier he was probably gonna try and have him climb the saddle next.

“Wait.” he whispered as soon as Yuu’s hands landed on his shoulders, making the prince halt his movements.”There is a possibility I might faint after I stand up. It is normal so just wait a bit. I will be back, just don't get scared.”

Yuu’s face was unreadable this time, but he nodded quickly after and Kouyou knew he can trust him.

It wasn’t easy to lift himself back on his feet, but once he was up Kouyou felt that same throbbing pain in his head that agonised him only moments ago. It made him growl and he nearly fell back on the ground but Yuu’s hands gripped him and supported him in the best way they could. Kouyou almost felt embarrassed then, realising how fast the roles had been reversed. His pride kicked in immediately and he made an attempt to ground himself — taking a few steps and grabbing the saddle little before his mind got dizzy and his knees turned weak. Yuu’s hand was now around his torso and heat spread along Kouyou’s entire face as he was able to focus on the task at hand. His hands gripped the saddle tighter and he managed to lift himself, climbing on top of it and sitting comfortably, not missing to notice the fleeting touch on his waist as he did so.

Yuu was just as caring as he had remembered him and despite the dizziness growing in Kouyou’s mind, the soldier was able to stay conscious just a little while longer, supporting himself while the prince claimed the remaining space on the saddle. When Kouyou’s front became flush with Yuu’s back, the man felt a slight kick in his guts. His eyes were already closed, his head spun and he quickly got lost in the dizzy mess that was his mind. It was as if he was floating in a sea and Yuu was his only support, his only guide— a bright northern star he chased and obediently followed. The smile of which was bright and powerful enough to make him feel like home every time it was bestowed on him. A smile of youth and gorgeous full lips that he admired since the day they first met. The scent that filled his senses was beautiful and intoxicating with delicious flowery notes. It seemed to be radiating from the soft locks in which his face was buried now and Kouyou took deep breaths, determined to memorise every tone of this beauty, which relaxed his body completely as the horse began to move. 

His hands found their way around this pillar of undeserved kindness and warmth. His fingers gripped to it as if his life depended on it, little before he lost himself in it entirely.

\------------------

Kouyou’s eyes shot open and his gaze focused on the dark ceiling above him, realizing he was back to his room in the castle. His body was warm and in so much pain, while his breathing was like a horse in the races as he began to come to his senses. It sent him into a slight panic as the soldier wasn’t supposed to be here at all. The unsettlement he used to feel before was now much stronger and Kouyou was beginning to go mad with uncertainty and fear.

A flashback of what had happened last made him shut his eyes and growl as another throbbing pain resurfaced, while his skull felt like it was about to burst. The forest...the horses….a dark-haired prince and his gentle touch...

“Yuu…” he whispered and slightly raised himself from his lying position, ready to jump out of the soft comfort that his bed was giving him. However, the excruciating pain in his skull quickly made him drop back on the sheets...but not before noticing a human form curled up on the couch in the corner of his room and he took a moment to adjust. Kouyou glanced at the couch again and was surprised to see his companion was no other than the dark-haired prince indeed. His frame was covered by a thick soft blanket and his features rested in a bliss, comfort projecting from his form all the way from the other end of the room to the soldier in the bed. Kouyou’s eyes remained locked on the prince as he found himself captured in an appreciative daze. It gave Kouyou a feeling of contentment as he realised they were both currently residing in the safety of his room.

A swirl of emotions tickled his chest and his breathing picked up the pace but halted immediately when he heard someone clear their throat somewhere on his right. Kouyou quickly followed the noise and saw the crown prince sitting in a wooden chair, staring at him with the same penetrating look he always wore on his face.

“You are awake” Die whispered before his lips curved into a soft smile.

It startled Kouyou in the first moment and the soldier took another glance at his surroundings — his eyes taking every detail of his room with suspicion and a dose of worry.

“What happened?” His eyes fell on Die this time and their gazes remained locked on each other as the prince took a deep breath while his smile faded.

“Well, I understand you fell and hit your head. When I asked Yuu if you got injured while fulfilling your duty he nodded, but there’s no way for me to get any more details from him...so unless you remember anything...we will never know for sure.”

Kouyou scrunched up his nose and tried to recall any details from the incident he and the prince shared. He quickly realised the prince agreed to a completely different story than the one he remembered. The embarrassment from that revelation made him so dangerously warm. His chest felt heavy and he had to swallow the lump that was currently forming in his throat as it threatened to suffocate him very soon.

“Where did you find us?” Kouyou spoke again and Die’s lips curved into a knowing smirk. 

“He came back little after we sent help in the woods. You were unconscious and clinging to him on the horse’s back. Considering he’s not as strong as you I wonder how he managed to put u on the saddle.”

So the moments they shared in the forest had been kept a secret thanks to the prince’s mute condition. Kouyou thought about it for a second wondering what was best and if he should reveal the truth behind his injury and how lame the situation was. However, his train of thought was quickly interrupted by the prince’s mocking voice.

“You slept for two days, even though your injury isn’t severe. One would think a soldier with your experience would be more durable.”

“Excuse me?” Kouyou was beyond embarrassed now, as his cheeks burned with the flames of humiliation— a feeling he hoped he would never have to experience again, but with these royals around, it was quickly becoming a routine.

Apparently, the younger prince had managed to save Kouyou’s ass once again while making him look like a hero all the same and the soldier was sure Yuu wasn't going to let him forget that fact. It was a powerful tool the younger held right now and probably would have used to have Kouyou wrapped around his finger, but Kouyou knew better now.

The prince was different and held so much more inside of him including kindness and a pure heart. True, Yuu had the bratty trait in his blood but as Kouyou thought about it now, the prince wasn’t the type to unleash his temper on a whim and his wrath had never been unreasonable so far. Kouyou was a brat himself, whenever his pride kicked in. They were both stubborn and maybe...considering the latest events, Kouyou had to finally admit a change in the approach was necessary. He felt closer to the boy now and he almost laughed at himself as he realized he had never even heard the prince speak or share any of his thoughts.

Yuu was a mystery and yet so obvious, like an open book the soldier had no problem delving in. It was intriguing, full of twists and secrets, captivating the soldier with the beauty he couldn’t help but silently admire from afar.

“You look terrible” Die spoke again and drew Kouyou’s attention again. “The doctor said you should rest for a couple more days. I hope you feel better soon though. The negotiations are about to start and our guests will be arriving soon. Yuu has to be there at all costs.”

“I’ll do my best” Kouyou assured him without a second thought and Die nodded, his smile was completely gone this time.

“Were you attacked... in the forest?” he asked.

Kouyou took a deep breath, but there was no hesitation in his voice when he answered.

“No. I am sure. There is nothing to worry about.”

There was a short pause between them as Die stared at him with a scrutinizing gaze. As if he was trying to read between the lines or contemplate the soldier’s answer. When he spoke again, it gave Kouyou a relief as the subject was suddenly changed to another, much lighter one.

“You can shower but your wound must be kept dry. I will be the only one entering your chambers until you are back on duty and will be here every time a woman is sent to change your bandage. Even though, as I think about it, Yuu might insist on taking care of it himself.”

It was genuine confusion which locked Kouyou’s brows in a frown then.

“What makes you say that?”

Die’s eyes were dark and intimidating when he spoke again.

“He hasn’t left your room since the day you got back.”

It took a moment for Kouyou to realise what the prince’s words meant. When a realization hit him, the soldier couldn’t stop the blush from spreading across his face. It was a naive and innocent reaction of his body, which he couldn’t suppress and the embarrassment he felt was of a completely new kind. It frightened him to an extent.

However, the prince didn’t torture him further nor teased him like he usually did. He stood up from the chair instead and walked over to the exit of the room, quietly as to not stir his younger brother awake.

“Rest well.” Were his final words before the blond prince was gone and Kouyou was left there with his whirling emotions once again. He didn’t dare look at the sleeping Yuu on the couch for the rest of the night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things are about to get serious hehe Thank you for all the support so far guys I can't wait to hear your thoughts on it tbh I was nervious and I am still a bit worried about the writing even tho I have an amazing wonderful beta. Thank you once again for everything @IdiocyxAngst you precious human being. bguyl8y uwu


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HELLO MY DEARS  
> OK I really really hope you gonna like this chap. I had so much fun writing this tbh omg  
> Enjoy

Yuu looked so peaceful as he slept. His features softened as he rested in bliss, with his long eyelashes thick and dark and his lips slightly parted as soft breaths escaped him. His high cheekbones were painted in a beautiful masterpiece of shadow and light as the sun rays made their way into the room and fell on the messy strands of hair framing the prince’s face. Kouyou studied them with a particular fondness that was growing within him. His movements halted as he failed to button his sleeves. The soldier sighed and tried again, successfully tearing his gaze away from the beautiful sight that was his prince right now.

Kouyou had woken up not too long ago, the clock in his room showing ten o'clock in the morning. The soldier didn’t waste any time as he stood up from the bed and quickly dressed in a fresh uniform. His head felt light and his mind was clear. No tiredness seemed to weigh on his eyelids and Kouyou took onto his duties without a second thought. Even the slight pain in his shoulders wasn’t able to put him back to rest as he remembered Die’s words clear in his head. The crown prince wanted him back on duty as fast as possible and Kouyou couldn’t let him down. Not after the incident that put him in this situation in the first place.

He wanted to get on Die’s good graces at all cost now. Especially since he and Yuu seemed to have broken some walls between them and seemed to be closer than they had been before. His memories were still jumbled whenever he tried to recall them in his head, but a few aspects still made his face flare up in shame.

Protecting the prince was his duty, after all, and having their roles reversed was a big hit to Kouyou’s pride. And yet he couldn’t deny the warmth which spread in his chest whenever he thought about all the risks the young man took, refusing to leave Kouyou behind till the very end. Any other royal would have left him in the cold, as their self-preservation had been instilled in them since birth, but Yuu wasn’t like any of them. Yuu was different and noble in so many other valuable ways.

When he managed to button his sleeves, Kouyou took another glance at the prince but this time his eyes travelled to the side, taking note of a big, heavy book resting on the table next to the couch. He took a few steps closer to examine the cover and smirked as soon as he read the title. 

_ War and Peace _

Another cliche the soldier didn’t expect, but he couldn’t blame the prince for this choice of entertainment either. The book was intriguing indeed despite its volume of 1000 pages worth. 

It had been some years since Kouyou had tried it himself and he was delighted to find that he and the prince seemed to have similar tastes in that regard. 

He didn’t delve into his newfound feelings for too long, however, because then his eyes fell on another book resting next to the heavy novel and he was surprised to see a quill sticking out from in between the pages.

It made the soldier frown in confusion, his hand reaching down but stopping midway as slight hesitation resurfaced in his mind. The book looked familiar and he could swear he had seen it before in Yuu’s room. Finding it here stirred Kouyou’s curiosity in ways that he found he couldn’t suppress. Yuu had always been so quiet and mysterious despite how good he was at expressing every little thing he felt. He was still unknown to the soldier and if this book wasn’t a book at all but held the prince’s thoughts instead… Kouyou couldn’t miss this chance. He still had his questions, he still needed answers and felt insecure... troubled, even. His dark thoughts were still haunting him as he feared for his future and didn’t know what to expect from it all.

And, most of all, he wanted to understand the prince; he wanted to get to know him. Kouyou wanted to have a glimpse of Yuu’s identity in its raw truth. He wanted to look at Yuu and start seeing him.

Kouyou’s hand trembled then and he didn’t hesitate any longer. His fingers grasped at the book and lifted it with careful silent movements. He opened it to its last page and took a quick glance at the prince, making sure he was still fast asleep on the couch.

Slight regret and shame made Kouyou sigh, but the soldier quickly wiped it all away and concentrated on the handwriting that was splayed out on the soft papers in his hands.

He took note of how elegant the style was. Yuu’s hands seemed delicate in the way they did every chore with precision, no matter if it was domestic or a lesson that he had to perform. The young man was a prince and the best at everything he did; Kouyou couldn’t help but admire and feel slightly envious of the talents the prince held.

Kouyou hadn’t heard him play any instruments so far, but he was sure Yuu would have mastered it by now, whatever it was. However, as he skimmed through the page, his attention was caught by his own name in between the lines.

_ Kouyou hasn’t woken up. _

The soldier felt something halt in his chest, but he wasn’t sure if it was his feelings or his heart itself. He began to feel a slight pain forming between his lungs as he kept reading, his curiosity peaking a notch.

_ Despite the blood, no one took care of him. Everyone rushed to my side. He wasn’t breathing and I thought he was dead. I’m still scared. I’m surrounded by hypocrites. They’ve always been so empty and I still hate them all. Die will never understand. It was my fault. _

Kouyou’s breath hitched as he was stunned by what he had just read. The prince’s words seemed angry and full of distress, and while Kouyou has gotten his glimpse of truth, it made his heart ache so bad he struggled to take another breath. Yuu felt guilty about what happened and it made the protector  _ hurt _ . It wasn’t Yuu’s, but his own fault instead.

A sound startled Kouyou and his attention was drawn by the same prince whose words had just made his insides an emotional mess. When he saw the young man wasn’t waking up but simply moving into a comfier position on the couch, Kouyou sighed with relief; but it didn’t tame his turmoil as he found it hard to keep his mind rational and his feelings in check. There was a storm raging within him and his curiosity was raised another notch as he opened the treasure he held to another page.

It seemed to have been quite an old one, as the style of Yuu’s handwriting looked different. The words seemed to be left on the paper in a hurry and the elegance was replaced by a scribbly mess that Kouyou found hard to read at first. As soon as he grew accustomed to the style, Kouyou was able to understand the first line.

_ She wants to kill me and I deserve it. _

Another ruffling sound made Kouyou’s fingers tremble and he almost dropped the journal. The blood in his veins froze and he looked at the prince who now had a different expression on his face. His eyes were still closed but his features were distorted in a grimace of pain and distress. The way in which he stirred and moved under the soft blanket, while his breathing picked up its pace, made Kouyou realize that Yuu was probably having a nightmare and it was quite a bad one as well.

Despite what he had just read, Kouyou quickly placed the journal back where it was and rushed to Yuu’s side at the couch. His hands were careful and gentle as they caressed the boy’s hair and his trembling fingers travelled down to Yuu’s shoulders as he held the prince in place.

“Yuu, wake up.” Kouyou raised his voice a bit and shook the prince’s shoulders, hoping that it would pull him out of his nightmare. When Yuu didn’t open his eyes, Kouyou panicked.

“Yuu!” He almost yelled this time while his hands shook the prince’s frame violently. Yuu’s eyes shot open instantly, his dark orbs full of fright, fixating on Kouyou’s hazel, worried ones. They locked gazes briefly before Yuu’s movements halted and he fell into a silent stupor. The confusion his face held was so genuine and close to panic, Kouyou couldn’t help it as his hand found its way into the prince’s hair, his fingers gently stroking the back of Yuu’s head.

“Everything is alright. You were having a bad dream,” Kouyou whispered and smiled at the prince, but Yuu’s breathing was just as rushed and not halting in its race. He took a quick glance at his surroundings, but there was a questioning look in his eyes when they fell on Kouyou’s face again. 

The young man scanned Kouyou’s frame before his soft, frightened gaze quickly turned into one of anger and disappointment. It happened so fast and so suddenly, Kouyou didn’t have time to react when he was pushed away by the prince. It all caught him off guard and he rose to his feet, his instincts reacting immediately, trying to give Yuu space. However, the prince followed him and, once he stood up, another push was delivered to Kouyou’s chest. It was much stronger than the previous one. Kouyou didn’t dare to fight back and quickly submitted to the force as it sent him stumbling back and falling on the bed. He was out of breath himself when he looked up and saw the ferocity with which Yuu glared at him from above.

The boy reached to the side and lifted the coat of Kouyou’s uniform from the bed. The soldier sat in the sheets and threw him a questioning look of his own. Yuu continued to glare at him as the coat was thrown at the soldier with such force it almost made Kouyou lay back on the sheets.

He held the fabric in his lap, simply staring at it, but it didn’t take him long to realise what Yuu’s behaviour meant. He wasn’t allowed to be back on duty today. Fair enough.

“You know… I just suffered a head injury, you should be more gentle with me...”

His words were cut off by a large spoon being shoved in his mouth next. The liquid which spread on his tongue was salty but held a delicious mixture of vegetables and some kind of broth.

Kouyou was so stunned by Yuu’s sudden innuendo, he couldn’t even react nor gulp before another spoonful was shoved into his mouth. He almost choked this time as Yuu seemed even angrier, holding a bowl of soup and sitting on the edge of the bed, presenting more of the hot liquid with each spoonful and without mercy to the troubled blond. It was making Kouyou drown in shame as he never had anyone feed him the same way, not even his mother or sisters when he was a child.

“Okay, I get it! I can feed myself. Thank you.” Kouyou managed to stutter out and Yuu glared at him before shoving the bowl into his hands, dumping the spoon inside. It splashed the soup enough for some droplets to fall on Kouyou’s freshly cleaned and done up shirt, making the soldier curse internally and feel his headache slowly coming back. It was obvious the prince had never done this for another person before… or it was meant to make Kouyou suffer, which wouldn’t surprise the soldier at all.

He followed Yuu’s frame as he returned to the couch and the prince ignored his presence then, opting to open the heavy novel instead. He kept his focus on the pages and Kouyou began to eat in silence, still engulfed in shame. His mind quickly drifted elsewhere as his eyes fell to the diary, quickly remembering what he had seen inside.

Yuu’s recent thoughts explained his current behaviour quite well. Yuu was a passionate young man with so many emotions, Kouyou was sure he had yet to see them all surface on his gorgeous face. Hence Kouyou wasn’t that surprised by the way Yuu handled his stubborn protector, considering the soldier was supposed to rest at least a day more before he was able to return to his duties at hand. He couldn't deny how cute the prince was with his glares and advances, but he couldn’t delve into these newfound emotions for too long as another dangerous thought resurfaced in his mind.

Someone wanted to kill the prince. It wasn’t like it hadn’t crossed Kouyou’s mind before, as there must have been some reason for the mysterious ways in which Yuu lived and how protective everyone around him seemed to be. What troubled Kouyou more was the fact that what he read was probably written by a much younger Yuu and, worst of all, he seemed to know who wanted to get rid of him.

It must have been a huge blow to a child’s mind, to find out his life was in danger, sent another wave of sympathy crashing into Kouyou’s heart. He glanced at the angry prince again as he took another spoon of soup into his mouth and watched the boy in silence as he pondered what was happening inside the prince’s mind.

How did he live with that threat upon his life? How did he suffer in the loneliness of his growing up? Was that the answer to his silence and the lingering sadness in his eyes?

And, most of all, did Die know that his brother might know who stood behind this plot against his life?

Kouyou was now more desperate than ever to find out what Yuu thought and felt behind his walls of silence. He knew he couldn’t do much yet, but he couldn’t stay passive, either, as he found he cared for the prince more than he ever did before. As much as he hated the thought, maybe Kouyou cared for him more than he ever should.

“You know you saved my life, right?” He said, disturbing the silence in the room.

Yuu didn’t grant him attention but Kouyou knew the boy was listening. It had been quite a while since the last time Yuu turned a page of the book in his hands and the soldier was clever enough to notice his eyes weren’t even focused on it anymore.

“Thank you.”

As soon as the gratitude slipped through his lips, Kouyou noticed a change in Yuu’s state.

The boy flinched slightly and sighed as if he’d been holding his breath the entire time.

When he looked at Kouyou, the soldier was able to see the hesitation in his eyes. Hesitation that spoke of guilt and unsettlement that Kouyou already knew far too well. It pained him to watch the young man go through trials that he probably didn’t understand just yet. Guilt was a tough nut to crack and get rid of. Kouyou had learned that the hard way.

He decided it was time to give the prince reassurance. A certain form of release from guilt that he prayed to be bestowed unto him in the past, but It was never granted, nonetheless.

“We both know how wild that horse was.” He lowered his gaze as he tried to speak. Yuu turned to face him, slowly closing the heavy book and leaving it on the table on his left. “You took a risk and I will be forever in your debt.”

The silence which followed afterwards felt soothing for them both.

Kouyou didn’t dare to look at the prince straight in the eye as the words which crept on his lips seemed too heavy for him to share. Their weight was for him to bear alone and he couldn’t allow himself to put his weakness on display yet. Kouyou was a bad liar and his eyes had always been a portal to his feelings, so he chose to keep Yuu locked out, just this time, as he wasn’t ready to accept how weak he felt in the younger’s presence. Maybe it was inevitable and Kouyou should’ve expected this to develop at some point, but his pride refused to let him soften and break out of his confident shell. 

No matter how understanding Yuu’s dark orbs were, or how captivating his smile of reassurance was, Kouyou couldn’t let him in.

“I know I can be very stubborn sometimes, but I promise you that, whatever I do, it’s simply to protect you and fulfil my task, so please… have faith in me. I promise I’ll do the same, too.”

When he was done talking, Kouyou took a deep breath and focused on the steamy soup in his bowl. He probably let out just a bit too much than what he had originally intended, but it was fine for now. He wanted Yuu to trust him as he was ready to put his own trust in the prince, too.

After a minute, Kouyou began to wonder if the prince was able to grasp what stood behind Koyou’s uncharacteristic behaviour.

He was ready to submit yet again and ask the prince if he had overstepped some boundaries between them, but then his peripheral caught Yuu moving and standing up from the couch. It stunned the troubled blond and his eyes followed the frail prince as he approached the table on which the rest of their food had been placed. Yuu took a bowl of his own and returned to the couch. He simply began to sip from it in peace and Kouyou watched him, confused and unsure about what had just happened between them and if his words were at fault.

As he watched the prince eat in silence, his eyes cast down and his face free of the anger he previously held, Kouyou’s eyes widened in shock as he realised Yuu… was really eating.

The feelings Kouyou felt next were so overwhelming he gasped. The stubborn prince who refused to listen to him so many times in the past, was now obediently following Kouyou’s advice. The same suggestion that had been the catalyst for conflict in many of their disagreements and one that resulted in sleepless nights for Kouyou, while his insecurities grew as he wondered if he could keep Yuu safe even from himself.

When their eyes met, Kouyou felt content with the way in which they were both able to exchange looks of sympathy, loyalty and even fondness and trust. Kouyou may have taken the first step, but Yuu followed and sealed their bond even further than they both had ever dared to expect.

And as they finished their lunch and simply stayed in each other’s company that day, the soldier felt at home once again.

****

Kouyou rested his eyes closed as he felt tired all of a sudden. It was late in the evening, Yuu was covered with his soft blanket on the couch while he continued reading and checking on his protector every now and then, making sure the soldier was tucked in bed. Kouyou hadn’t disobeyed any of the prince’s silent orders as they had been revealed in every glare that was thrown at him that day.

Instead, they both rested in the silence which engulfed them — Yuu sitting on the couch while Kouyou laid in his bed. When night fell upon them, Die brought the needed material for Kouyou’s bandage to be changed. The task, of course, true to the blond prince’s words, was taken on by his own brother instead.

When they were finally alone again, Yuu was exceptionally gentle as he carefully removed the cloth and cleaned the hair that was slightly soaked in the medicine that was meant to disinfect the wound. Kouyou felt so calm at that moment, so free of any trouble or lingering threat. He basked into the soft touch of the prince’s fingers and his cheeks slightly heated up every time he remembered how he was treated with such care. 

It sent him into that state even now as he rested in his bed and his mind kept drifting to that moment when he was brought comfort by the prince’s touch.

Yuu had such soft skin, or at least, it looked that way from afar. His fingers were careful and full of grace. They were able to place Kouyou into a form of submission that he hadn’t known or felt before and he fully understood Yuu’s powers as they hit him with an intensity he didn't expect.

Kouyou felt submerged by many emotions he never let out in the past and only allowed himself to observe. His dreams have never been ones of positivity and joy, but today seemed different and Kouyou trusted his mind for the first time in months. It led him to a colorful spin of faces, places, even memories he had forgotten or repressed. He was ready to drown in all of them and experience more of what they had to offer but then… he felt a touch on his cheek.

There was an electric shock that went through his entire being, while his mind went blank. His dreams disappeared and drowned in darkness that sent his skin ablaze. His soldier instincts sent him into a form of frenzy that quickly drove his senses mad before his eyes shot open.

His body was fast as lightning as it grabbed the hand which touched him just a moment ago and his intruder was quickly shoved and pinned to the sheets of his bed.

They were both gasping messes as warm breaths graced his face, Kouyou’s eyes scanning the dark eyes that now stared at his own. The panic and fright in them was familiar, as well as the hue of pink which quickly surfaced on the prince’s face.

And it was then Kouyou’s senses came back and he fell into shock as soon as he realised who he was pinning and restraining to his bed.

“My prince?”

There was a knee that hit his crotch in such a painful way that all of Kouyou’s limbs weakened and his vision blurred. The pain made him growl loudly with frustration while the prince quickly took advantage of the protector’s state and was gone from the bed in a heartbeat.

The pain in Kouyou’s crotch was still so prevalent that he couldn’t move nor say anything as he heard rushing sounds and a loud bang as the door of his room was closed with force.

When the soldier was finally able to breathe again and his vision cleared, he was able to see that he was alone in his room and there were no traces left of Yuu’s presence anymore.

Kouyou gasped and, for the first time, he felt genuinely afraid of the confusion he was experiencing as it made his body tremble.

What the hell had just happened?

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So MANY THANKS TO MY DEAR @@IdiocyxAngst for her beta abilities ILYSM  
> ALSO The ending was looked after my bb Gracie this time as I was getting late with the update and I didn’t want to bother my beta too much /she is having amazing time abroad/ so THANK YOU SO MUCH @itsukoii for checking it for me. I hope I wasn’t too late with this update I am sorry omg.  
> Thank you again to anyone who is reading this, like seriously, you guys warm my heart. I really am touched by every single one of the kudos and the comments too. You have no idea how motivational it is. I hope I will have the next chap edited even faster <3  
> Wish y'all a great week ahead. I hope you liked the update.  
> ps: Little spoiler but I am more excited than ever bc my baby boi appears in the next chap I AM PROUD OF HIM UGH cries


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WELL It's been little over a week since my last update but this chapter was long.  
> I hope the wait was worth it! Enjoy guys!

“Your Highness?” Kouyou called for the prince from the other side of the door, not daring to enter the prince’s room. He’d even used the boy’s title, despite how comfortable he had become to calling him by only his first name.

Nothing happened, however, and Kouyou remained in his spot in the lobby, giving the boy some more time as he felt extremely uncomfortable to enter without being given permission first.

Even though Yuu wasn’t speaking and there was no way for him to verbally invite the blond inside, Kouyou felt like a bother, and he didn’t want to violate any of the prince’s personal space. Especially after what had happened a few nights ago while Kouyou was still recovering in his room.

He had been so relaxed that he was nearly asleep when that tender touch grazed his cheek and the memory of it was very prominent in his head... as well as the pain he felt when Yuu kneed him in the crotch. It was beyond him as to why the prince had reacted so violently towards him. His curiosity was burning him inside out, but he knew it was best to not press the young man about it.

A few days had passed since the incident and the awkwardness between him and the prince was growing rapidly with every minute they spent together. It was making Kouyou nervous and so he often projected his swirling emotions into things he was supposed to be calm about or at least rational enough about. His emotions proved to be too strong when he failed to tame them. His ways of protecting the young man became stricter and he found himself in a state of distress more often than he had been before.

He was becoming over-protective by not allowing the prince to enter any rooms without him checking every corner first— a practice that he probably should have been following all along, as his job was to protect the young man. But somehow the distance he kept between them, as he followed the prince around, had gotten significantly smaller than before and it earned him a glare or two in response from the boy on more than one occasion. 

The fact that those glares were the only reactions he got from the prince since their accident was making Kouyou so tense he even went as far as to check Yuu’s meal the previous night, making the servants bring another plate as the one the prince had smelled...  _ weird _ .

On the other hand, Yuu seemed to be just as tense as the blond. At least their new silent agreement was kept as the prince was eating three times a day now. Kouyou was delighted to see him finish his food every time and he used it as a distraction to his uneasy heart, as their bond seemed to be suffering from something Kouyou couldn’t or wasn’t ready to understand.

It was a big day for them both today, however. The soldier hoped that Yuu would be able to focus on something else and maybe somehow find it in him to forgive Kouyou for whatever he had done. He had enough time to think about their incident but the ideas that popped in his head scared Kouyou dearly and he pushed them aside just as fast as they came.

Despite his attempts to avoid thinking about them, his clever eyes caught on several signs that managed to put him in the biggest turmoils his insides had ever suffered before.

The way Yuu avoided his gaze and avoided confrontation of any sort between them was alarming because Kouyou knew how stubborn and confident the prince could be.

Overall, the way they seemed to go back and forth in their relationship was making Kouyou extremely insecure as well. They were either progressing fast and getting closer or simply drifting apart and getting angry at each other in stupid prideful ways.

Kouyou was so tired of it all and his patience was slipping through already, but he couldn’t lose the prince now. He was ready to accept one last defeat and get on the prince’s good graces again, as he knew Yuu needed his support and protection now more than ever.

Today was supposed to be a challenge for them both.

When the door opened and Yuu appeared in the lobby Kouyou flinched and stared at him as he hoped to receive a glance in his direction, but it didn’t happen. Yuu looked nervous however and the soldier couldn’t blame him.

When they left and stalked down the corridors headed to the Empress’ chambers Kouyou felt immense defeat. It was a new feeling, one of many he was forced to experience ever since he arrived in the castle, but this time he didn’t try to resist. He let it sink into his bones and crush his pride once again and he found he didn’t have the strength to care as he did before. It was so uncharacteristic of him and yet he wasn’t surprised.

As they walked and neared the Empress’ chambers Kouyou noticed how Yuu’s demeanor changed. His body stiffened and even his normal stride was hesitant. The woman was terrifying indeed and even Kouyou began to feel afraid of the encounter. His skin prickled as soon as they entered the room where he had witnessed the woman’s true nature for the first time. The same servants from before greeted them and Kouyou took a moment to examine every corner as he searched for any signs of threat. The hateful woman was the only person who seemed to alarm him with her presence and he tried to remain calm, as he put a mask on his face, very similar to the one Yuu wore.

The prince was just as emotionless as Kouyou remembered him to be the last time they stepped into this room. It hurt Kouyou in ways he didn’t expect.

“You look tired my darling.” the woman frowned upon seeing her son and she walked closer lifting his chin with a finger and making him look up. “I hope you have your smile back for when Takanori arrives.”

She chuckled then and Kouyou’s insides tensed. Her voice alone was enough to make him feel sick and he felt a slight pain at the back of his head where his wound was still healing up. Thank god for his long locks of hair as they fell down his shoulders and back hiding that embarrassment of his.

“Hurry up.” The woman clapped her hands and the women in the room began to fret over the clothes splayed out on the table next to the prince.

The fabric looked beautiful, painted in red with delicate patterns of flowers and leaves illustrated on every corner of it. Kouyou was momentarily mesmerized but then, his attention moved to the prince as he suddenly began to move.

Yuu lifted his hands and undid the buttons of his uniform at a slow pace. When the coat was removed from his shoulders and he began to work on the buttons of his sleeves, Kouyou’s eyes widened in shock.

Was he….removing his clothes? Was he supposed to undress of it all?

Kouyou’s mouth turned suddenly dry and he had to lick his lips as he felt hot and nervous at the same time. He knew he had to look away and probably save the young man’s dignity but yet he couldn’t find the strength in him as he fell into a stupor and stared instead. It robbed him of any thoughts and his mind went blank as he felt entranced by the way Yuu moved. The prince’s fingers gently removed the vest that hugged his waist and pulled his shirt up, releasing it from his pants.

Kouyou was getting warmer, his body heating up by the second as his eyes followed the prince’s fingers while they unbuttoned his shirt. The intimacy of the situation stepped up a notch when Kouyou saw a glimpse of the young man’s chest and a certain form of anticipation began to pool in his abdomen.

The moment Yuu took his shirt off, served as a kick to Kouyou’s gut and he turned his gaze away, but not before stealing a glance of the soft skin and the perfect curves that laid underneath. He remembered all the times Yuu had pushed him away in order to save his privacy and undress in peace. Kouyou knew it was all sacred for the prince and he felt like a traitor for staring as he did.

He shouldn’t have looked.

When he heard Yuu unbuckling his belt, the soldier’s skin heated up some more, but not because of the impure nature of his thoughts. He felt so angry and disappointed in himself, the pain in his chest made him let out a breath full of guilt.

Kouyou remained like this for the next few minutes as he kept fighting with his inner thoughts, desperately trying to tame his emotional turmoils and failing time and time again.

He continued to drown in shame and he fretted over whether the prince would be angry or forgiving of what he did.

He was pulled out of his thoughts almost instantly as the Empress raised her voice again.

“What is that?” she chuckled and the soldier found that he was growing to hate it. “I’ve never seen you blush before, my darling.”

The remark startled Kouyou and he couldn’t help it as he turned to face the prince again. He felt relief wash over him as he saw that Yuu was half way into his kimono already, while two women worked on his belts trying to tie the obi around his waist. His eyes landed on Yuu’s face and the pink tint painting his cheeks. His eyes however looked hollow and his expression was cold and unreadable.

Kouyou was terrified of how empty the boy looked right now.

“Are you embarrassed because Takashima is here? We can ask him to leave.” the woman chuckled again and Kouyou had to use all of his willpower in order to stop himself from throwing her a murderous glare. She was trying to mock them both, wasn’t she?

“I’m afraid I have orders to never leave the prince’s side, your majesty, so I can’t do that.”

The woman threw a glare in his direction then, but her lips curved into a smirk quickly after and Kouyou tensed up as he sensed a threat coming his way.

“What if the Empress commands you?”

“I’d rather take your majesty’s punishment, as I already have been tasked by another member of the royal family and I gave him my word. I am bound to it with my life.”

The woman didn’t respond immediately but Kouyou didn’t cower under her stare nor felt any intimidation as he stared back. She was powerful, yes, but she couldn’t break him anymore. He had seen enough of her ugly truth and her words couldn’t mock him or scare him like they used to. He cared for the prince too much to let the Empress crush him again. He couldn’t fail Yuu, as he pledged the prince his loyalty and the prince did the same back.

They had faith in each other and that simple fact gave Kouyou strength to stand tall and unshakable like the guard he was supposed to be.

“You seem so stubborn, but I know you have a history of not following orders. Isn’t that true?”

The Empress’ words managed to strike a blow straight into Kouyou’s ego and his eyes widened slightly, while his mouth remained shut.

“I heard it even cost a soldier’s life too.”

Another blow to Kouyou’s heart this time. He searched for Yuu’s eyes in desperation of something his soul craved. A certain type of salvation and a kind of shelter only the boy’s eyes held. He found that the prince was indeed staring back with his soft gaze, tinted cheeks and parted lips. An expression of sympathy and surprise that didn’t judge him but simply touched his heart, repairing the cracks that the Empress’ words had just created in him.

When Kouyou’s attention returned on the woman, he found that for the first time...he didn’t break under her intimidating gaze. Her words may have stricken him but didn’t pull him down.

“We make mistakes to learn from them. Isn’t that true….your majesty?” He retorted back and Kouyou noticed how the empress’ face fell, her smile got wiped off completely and got replaced by her pure anger and dissatisfaction.

The soldier felt so proud of himself then.

“I hope my son made the right choice when he assigned you for the job,” she muttered through gritted teeth and Kouyou’s smile was genuine when he replied back.

“I hope so as well.”

Despite the fire forming in her eyes, the woman didn’t bite back and slowly walked away, leaving the soldier baffled and completely stunned. He expected a punishment at least, but when that didn’t come, a wave of relief washed over him and his breathing returned to its normal pace. His calm state didn’t last long though, because Yuu was ready only a couple of minutes later and when Kouyou glanced at him, he couldn’t help but stare.

The prince’s hair was tied up in a ponytail with messy locks framing his face in the most flattering way. It accentuated the beautiful curves of the boy’s cheekbones and jaw. Kouyou felt the urge to gulp down hard as he felt a lump forming in his throat. He almost cursed at himself then, not believing how fond he had grown of everything that the prince was and did.

The soldier felt an odd sting on his face and he realised that the place where the prince had touched him was burning now and was sending his emotions into another swirling mess. It was an intense feeling and Kouyou had to lower his gaze as he sought solace in the beautiful patterns of the fabrics the boy wore. Despite the beauty of it all, Kouyou found that he didn’t like it as much, nor found it as flattering on Yuu’s body anymore. The prince had a small waist and a beautiful silhouette that couldn’t be admired as the kimono was rich and heavy as it hung on his delicate frame. Not even the beautiful obi, no matter how tight it was, served as the proper beauty enhancer that Yuu deserved.

“Good job.” The Empress nodded, pure satisfaction written all over her face and it was enough to pull Kouyou out of his state.

As soon as the blond was back to his senses he quickly followed the prince, who was already walking towards the exit, probably just as impatient to leave the room and hide from the woman’s scrutinizing gaze as the soldier himself.

As they walked towards the hall where the guests were supposed to arrive, Kouyou’s mind went blank again. He was still hurt by the Empress’ words, but the memory of Yuu’s undressing and his body’s reaction disturbed him in ways he couldn’t ignore. He knew himself too well and he began to see signs in his behaviour that spoke of something he wasn’t ready for and definitely didn’t need as a complication in their current state. It was a scary thought and a frightening emotion that he quickly tried to brush off as soon as they arrived in the hall and Kouyou felt Die’s piercing gaze on himself.

“It was about time.” the blond prince sighed from his chair and Kouyou felt scolded yet again.

He didn’t react back though and mimicked Yuu’s silence instead, hoping it would spare him and additional comments of the same nature from the older man.

There were other nobles in the hall and Kouyou was able to recognise most of them. Some were part of the emperor’s close circle of advisors. Others, the soldier simply remembered from the last event he attended in the very same hall. The event on which his life changed and he met the prince he now had to protect at all cost. Kouyou decided to drown in memories then, as Yuu finally took his rightful place on the chair beside his brother and the soldier had no other choice but stand beside him, observing everything and everyone as the guard he was.

The time flew faster this time as he found entertainment in almost every person in the room; from the woman who kept stealing food, tucking it carefully into her bag, to the old man at the back who kept staring at the paintings, completely oblivious of the other nobles as he kept bumping in them completely mesmerized by the masterpieces on the walls.

As he watched the pure bloods, Kouyou felt warmth engulf his heart. They were all just as silly in their actions as a common person could be and their emotions didn’t differ much from the ones the normal people had. Despite their titles and origins everyone seemed so normal in Kouyou’s eyes. Even the royal family seemed not too far from the image as they were just as vulnerable and were haunted by the same troubles any other human had; love, power, money, their future and success. And as these thoughts crossed Kouyou’s mind, the soldier couldn’t help but take a glance at the prince beside him and frown….if all that was true then why did Yuu feel so different from the rest? Why did he have the extraordinary aura of someone special? Someone foreign and unfitting. An entity that deserved more and had to be protected and treated with care.

Or was that Kouyou’s mind and body playing tricks with him as they did many times before? Or was it something new, that he had never experienced before? Hence, the confusion and distress he felt every time he looked at the prince and heat spread all around his face.

Kouyou was so troubled by his own emotions that he was afraid he would go mad.

“They have arrived.”

Die’s words reached Kouyou’s ears and it was then he was able to notice the little messenger who had just entered the hall. He definitely missed when that had happened and didn’t see when the news was delivered to the prince. It made the soldier slightly irritated with himself as he failed to keep attention while drowning into his thoughts. He didn’t fail to notice Yuu’s hands though, as they suddenly balled into fists, despite his face remaining just as cold and emotionless as it was since they had left the Empress’ chambers.

As soon as the thought of her crossed his mind, Kouyou saw the woman enter the hall, changed into a rich and heavy kimono of her own. The colours of it were much colourful and bright, contrasting the dark red her son wore.

When she approached them and the chatter in the hall died down, Kouyou realised she wasn’t alone. A big group of men entered the hall next, wearing white military uniforms and Kouyou guessed they were the escorts for the prince who was supposed to arrive today. They had golden buttons, medals on their chest and shiny golden ranks on their shoulders.

Kouyou instantly felt uncomfortable as he realised how plain his uniform was, without being graced with any of the honours these men wore. His clothes missed the most important signs of skill and qualities in war. His chest was void of any medals as well, despite that, it was something even a soldier in training like himself was allowed to wear.

He’d lost count by now on the many times his pride had been hurt today alone and he had to use all of his will to suppress his emotions. Thankfully his face remained the same and he didn’t even flinch when the name of the prince was announced and he entered the hall.

Matsumoto Takanori was a young man, at least a head shorter than Kouyou himself, with a small build and gentle features, while his eyes held a stern and penetrating look. It must have been a signature of the nobles as Die also had the same intimidating gaze. The foreign prince had a different aura however. His smile seemed genuine as he walked with confidence and a swish of his hips. His uniform matched the ones the men in his escort wore, but his, of course, had a ribbon on his shoulder— a sign for bravery and skill Kouyou wished to have on his own. Despite the prince’s smaller frame, Kouyou felt somewhat intimidated by him in the end.

It frustrated him as the humiliation he felt suddenly became too much to bear.

“Takanori.”Die was first to speak as he stood up and quickly walked over to the prince offering him a hug.

The two men embraced each other and laughed when they pulled apart.

“It is so good to see you, Die. It’s been awhile.”Takanori’s voice was deeper than Kouyou expected, but it held tender undertones. It spoke of kindness that instantly eased the soldier’s nerves, as the intimidation he felt began to dissipate.

The two princes talked about the Matsumoto's journey to the castle and Kouyou took a better look at the newcomer then. His hair was dirty blond, messy and merely brushing at his shoulders. His gestures were precise, while his posture was full of confidence and something Kouyou couldn’t pin point yet. Instead, the soldier continued studying him as the boy received his greetings from the emperor next. Yuu’s sisters seemed to be very fond of him as well, as their eyes were locked on him at all times.

Kouyou’s train of thought was interrupted as the prince suddenly turned to Yuu and a wide smile curved his lips. The joy in Takanori’s eyes was so prominent now as Kouyou was able to see so much fondness and appreciation in his eyes. It made the soldier’s insides stir in a newfound way and Kouyou’s jaw tensed up.

“My Yuu!” Takanori called for the dark-haired prince and Yuu stood up only to have the other jump on him for a tight embrace.

Kouyou was shocked but didn’t move or dared to react. He simply watched the two men hug in front of him and something tickled his insides in ways he hated to the core of his bones.

Thankfully the hug didn’t last for long and they pulled away soon after. Takanori’s face was full of glee and Kouyou would’ve let it slide if only Yuu wasn’t smiling back.

So this little blond deserved to be graced with the prince’s good graces so easily, while Kouyou had to fight for it all and even then he couldn’t be sure if he would receive any of it at all. The protector was angry now and there was no going back.

The little moment of the princes was interrupted by Yuu’s father then and Kouyou let a sigh of relief escape his lips. He hadn’t felt so frustrated by a person he didn’t know or met before and it was confusing him and making him question not only his emotions but his mental state as well.

A feast in Takanori’s honor was announced and everyone moved to the dining room. When Takanori followed Yuu, Kouyou noticed another man in a white uniform walking side by side with him. The soldier hadn’t noticed him before, but the man had a mask hiding half of his face. His hair was short and black in color and his clothes held the same signs of honor, as the prince. The masked man was also shorter than Kouyou and the soldier smirked at that.

At least that quality of his remained unconquered by the newcomers.

When everyone entered the room and took their places on the table, Kouyou wasn’t surprised to see Takanori claim a seat next to Yuu. He felt a slight tinge in his chest, but quickly brushed the feeling off and took his place beside the exit. It was something he was accustomed to by now, as he wasn’t allowed to remain close to the prince while he ate. Events like the one they had right now held a certain etiquette and despite that Kouyou thought of it as pointless, he had to oblige. It was a rare opportunity for him to be in the presence of the emperor too, so he had to use the chance and make a good impression.

The masked man suddenly got close and stood beside him. He had mimicked the blond’s actions pretty well so far and Kouyou began to wonder if that man was given the same task as the one he had.

Maybe Takanori had a personal guard of his own.

Kouyou tried to focus on Yuu instead and he watched him from afar as Takanori kept talking to the boy throughout the entire evening. Die had attempted to draw his attention, but the little prince seemed to be entranced by his brother instead. To Kouyou’s surprise, Yuu didn’t seem to mind the attention at all. He smiled softly and nodded every now and then, obviously giving Takanori signs that he was listening to his story. The other boy seemed gentle and Kouyou knew he could trust him in treating Yuu properly and yet his heart was suffocating every time Takanori’s kindness got just a bit too affectionate for his taste. Whenever Yuu was offered some more drink or sauce, the soldier had his body tense up and his irritation boiled in his veins.

For some reason, he couldn’t get over the fact that maybe it wasn’t even his place to feel like he did. No matter how close he felt to the prince, the gap between them would never close. They were part of two different worlds that had their own build of emotion and values. No matter how much he wished for them to merge, Kouyou knew it was impossible to happen.

The mere fact that the soldier wanted such a thing, was making him so angry.

He shouldn’t wish for anything as the prince owed him nothing.

Despite Kouyou’s inner turmoils though, the evening was calm and dinner was spent in a laid back atmosphere, which Kouyou appreciated.

When it all ended and the nobles began to part, Kouyou decided it was time for him to near the prince again. The masked guard, however, didn’t move from his place by the door and as Kouyou took a couple of steps in Yuu’s direction, intimidation made him halt in his steps. He realised Takanori was still talking to him and maybe the man was trying to keep distance and not interrupt their privacy, but something in Kouyou snapped right then.

He was Yuu’s guard, not someone else’s and they had a routine. It was special and theirs only. Kouyou wouldn’t break it no matter what.

When he got close enough for the two princes to notice him, Takanori stopped talking and glanced at him for the first time that evening.

“Is that your new guard Yuu?”

His voice was just as tender as it was when Kouyou first heard him in the hall, and yet it held an undertone of irritation that the soldier didn’t miss.

Yuu nodded without looking in Kouyou’s direction.

“Is he treating you well?”

That made Yuu smile and almost chuckle but no voice came out of him. The boy nodded then and Takanori smiled back.

The little blond was beginning to get on Kouyou’s nerves and he had to resist the urge to roll his eyes and throw him a glare.

“Akira!” Takanori called up and the masked man immediately walked closer, stopping where Kouyou was. “We will escort Yuu to his chambers.”

And with that, the boy grabbed Yuu’s wrist and led him towards the exit of the room. Kouyou had to ignore his feelings yet again and silently follow the princes, along with Takanori’s guard beside him.

When they entered the corridors and began their route to Yuu’s chambers, Kouyou noticed the man was trying to keep the distance from the boys again, but Kouyou decided to ignore the alarms in his head and followed Yuu as close as he was used to. He regretted it instantly after that as he was forced to listen to Takanori’s rambles about the cat he got as a present for his birthday. He must’ve known Yuu had a soft spot for animals and the fact the boy was using it to make the prince smile, irked Kouyou deeply.

He knew he was supposed to be happy for Takanori being as charming and as kind as he was with Yuu, however, his mind was preventing him doing so and gave him only negative thoughts to fill his head.

When they finally reached the door to Kouyou’s and Yuu’s chambers, Takanori sighed and there was pure disappointment written on his face.

“The evening was short Yuu. I hope we will have time to catch up properly tomorrow.”

Yuu granted him with one of his gentle smiles and Kouyou felt chills run down his spine.

“I’m looking forward to meeting you tomorrow. You have no idea how much I’ve missed you.” Takanori’s voice was low when he spoke his last words. Kouyou hoped that meant their evening was finally over and they could leave, but then the shorter prince leaned in for a gentle embrace. When Yuu returned the gesture, Kouyou’s skin prickled and his feelings went wild in his chest.

When Takanori pulled away his eyes were half-lidded and his face was full of content.

“What is that scent, Yuu?” he muttered and stared into Yuu’s eyes. The taller prince looked back at him but his smile faltered. There was a worry in the boy’s dark orbs and Kouyou wondered what caused the sudden change in the prince’s state.

“Can I smell it again?” as soon as Takanori’s question left his lips and Yuu answered with a nod, Kouyou’s entire body froze. He couldn’t move and his breathing halted. The prince leaned closer again and this time, his attention was set on Yuu’s collar and neck. Takanori’s eyes closed as soon as he breathed in and Kouyou’s hands balled into fists.

His mind and emotions were a chaos in his chest and it ripped him inside out. It almost felt like his ribcage snapped open and his vulnerability poured out. He felt so small and insignificant in the intimacy of the moment the two princes had. A thing Kouyou found to crave himself, as he wondered how divine that scent was, as it made Takanori look so blissful and content.

When the two princes pulled away Kouyou noticed Yuu was avoiding Takanori’s gaze.

“See you tomorrow, My Yuu.”Takanori said and Kouyou’s jaw went slack.

His? As if….

The protector got pulled out of his emotional torment soon after, as the blond prince turned around and walked away, his guard trailing close behind him.

Kouyou didn’t move. He tried to calm down and tame the fire in his chest, as it burned with such intensity, he was afraid it’d destroy him if it wasn’t defused on time.

He had never felt so disturbed or hurt before and it confused him so much. It angered him just as much as it pained him too.

When he felt ready to move again, Kouyou avoided looking at the prince and didn’t seek for his attention for the first time. Something was preventing him from doing so and he blamed his anger. His soul was suffering and he couldn’t let the boy see it in his eyes either. 

He carefully unlocked the door and quickly entered the prince’s chambers. He checked every corner of Yuu’s room in an oddly hurried way and when he was done and returned to the young man, his voice was full of defeat.

“It’s safe...my prince.” 

He didn’t use the prince’s title and didn’t even realise what slipped through his lips instead.

He failed to notice the way Yuu’s breath halted, nor saw how a pair of dark eyes followed him as he hid inside his room.

All that was left in his heart that night was the feel of defeat and pain when he took a glance at his palms as he unfolded his fists and saw the marks of jealousy his nails left.

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> here is my usual big THANK YOU to my precious beta @IdiocyxAngst ilysm  
> ;w;  
> Takanori arrived dun dun dun  
> my poor babies, I promise I won't hurt them...much   
> ...or will I  
> :3


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really hope it was worth the wait <3 enjoy babs

It was a bright afternoon in the gardens of the castle, and the view was beautiful as Kouyou scanned his surroundings with watchful eyes. It had snowed the previous night and now everything was veiled in a white, calm beauty that brought comfort to the protector’s troubled thoughts. The worry nestling in his chest, however, was growing instead.

It’d been a couple of days since the Matsumoto prince had arrived at the castle and the soldier was still struggling with accepting his new routine. His time alone with Yuu had decreased significantly and, more often than not, he was forced to watch the prince only from afar—unable to escape the raw truth of his feelings as they grew clearer and scarier in his head with each passing day.

Kouyou was suffering in a way he had never felt before.

Every time Takanori neared Yuu for a gentle embrace or even just a brush to his hand, the guardian was left an emotional mess. He forced himself to think that it was probably for the best as he tried to be thankful for the kind nature the foreign prince seemed to have. It was friendly at first, while Takanori showed signs of appreciation towards the other prince. But it didn’t take long for Kouyou to realise he was actually lying to himself.

Takanori was interested in Yuu in ways that had him reaching for strands of the prince’s hair, feeling its softness while his fingers stole a touch of the boy’s cheek as well. Those same fingers clasped around Yuu’s wrist often as Takanori pulled the dark-haired boy to different corners in the castle, coaxing him into a play of chess or into a simple walk as he continued to share stories of his journeys broad. Yuu seemed to appreciate their interactions with nods and soft glances of his own. 

How Kouyou wished those glances were directed at him instead. He craved to have Yuu’s attention all to himself. He longed for them to return to that serenity they both shared in his room when Yuu’s kindness and gentle touches were his. Only Kouyou’s and no one else’s.

It hurt him deeply as he felt them continuously drift apart instead, while Kouyou grew intoxicated with all that he couldn’t have. Things he never had before nor dared to crave. And now his soul cried for it all; everything he couldn’t reach out and take.

His own desires apparently didn’t differ much from the ones the foreign prince had. The same prince, however, had the freedom to bond with Yuu in ways Kouyou wasn’t allowed to.

It was hard at first, but the guardian found that the bigger his pain was, the thicker his walls became. Hence, he didn’t spare a glance from any affections the two princes had exchanged.

Kouyou used it as a fuel to his determination. He had to focus on his tasks and fulfil his part of the deal he had with Die. The soldier was supposed to protect the prince, not fall for him.

Today was another day spent in the same new routine that he and Yuu had established all in favor of the guest prince. Kouyou had almost grown accustomed to his new place, letting Yuu and Takanori walk and have their conversations in private, while their guardians stood far enough to not eavesdrop on their matters... and advances. Despite that, Kouyou’s vigilant eyes captured more than a few gestures from Takanori that had Yuu giggling in his own silent ways, while his eyes looked soft and his smile genuine.

The soldier had managed to maintain his facade of a cold guard quite well so far. He kept his breathing steady and his face unreadable, while his body stood tall and tense scanning every detail of their surroundings... wherever they went. However, whenever Takanori’s hands landed on Yuu’s shoulders or simply brushed at his hair, Kouyou had his fists ball into the same fists of jealousy he had experienced since the night the foreign prince arrived. It was his form of release and he grew accustomed to the familiar pain which now pierced his palms several times a day. 

He couldn’t help it now either as he bruised his palms countless times throughout the day, whenever Takanori said something to the prince that made him turn his face away shyly while painted in hues of embarrassment that Kouyou knew too well.

“You're new to this, aren’t you?” 

Kouyou’s thoughts were interrupted abruptly. It took him several seconds to finally turn to the source of the question as he waited for his obvious jealousy to subside.

They hadn’t so much as exchanged words until now. Kouyou didn’t particularly have any intentions of initiating any communication between them on his own. He had heard the man speak on more than one occasion during the past few days, but it was never directed at him. In fact, he wasn’t sure what to respond or how to react, as the question came as such surprise and he was rendered speechless.

The man named Akira, however, seemed to understand Kouyou’s surprise and didn’t wait for an answer before he spoke again.

“You seem very dedicated. You either did something and are trying to prove yourself, or you just haven’t done this before and are still learning.”

Funny how both of the other’s observations fit the profile and Kouyou felt almost ashamed and simply lowered his gaze in response.

“I apologize.” Akira smiled then. The man’s voice was gentle and his apology seemed genuine which eased Kouyou momentarily. “I used to be in the same boat. I can see you’re trying hard, and I was just curious… you’re not wearing any insignia so I don’t know your rank, and I was wondering how you got the assignment. His Highness, the crown prince, has always been strict about it and he wouldn’t assign someone for the job if he wasn’t special in some way.”

Kouyou was stunned by his words. The warmth that engulfed his heart was soothing and like a balm to his hurt pride. He’d almost forgotten what it felt like to not be degraded but praised instead, even if it was only indirectly like this. Despite all of his hesitation towards the other guard, he found himself in a state of appreciation as he smiled back.

“I don’t know if I’m special, but you're right. I am new to this.”

“Yeah, I understand.” Akira chuckled and there was a short pause as Kouyou took a glance at the princes once more, making sure they were both still in sight. “But His Highness, Takanori, isn’t an enemy. You don’t have to glare at him; he is not a threat.”

Kouyou quickly turned to the other man again, while his eyes slightly widened in surprise. He had thought his walls would’ve been thick enough to shield his true thoughts or feelings by now, but Akira had managed to read him so easily, it made Kouyou shift to his previous wary state. Was he that obvious or was the other man just too good at reading people?

“I know… I just worry, I guess, and it shows on my face more often than I would like.” He tried to explain and mask his true intentions. It seemed to work as Akira didn’t press him further about it, but changed the subject instead.

“I know it’s hard,” he assured him, and Kouyou’s gaze lowered again. “There are two types of nobles. Those who are vain and care only about power and wealth, and those who have hearts and think about others more than about themselves.” Akira gestured towards the two young men. “They both hold the same purity within them, I’ve seen their bond grow throughout the years and you can trust the prince. I can assure you that.”

Kouyou smiled and his gaze lowered again. Akira’s words were kind and held certain logic that Kouyou accepted and appreciated. His feelings, however, turned into a bigger mess as he realised how unfair his emotions had been. His jealousy was strong and growing, like a force he couldn’t control nor tame. It was wild in its nature and held so many colours of anger and shame. The intensity of it all blinded Kouyou’s heart so often, he wasn’t sure if he had any good left inside of him.

All that was left was darkness now, despair and pain he tried to get away from more than once and failed time and time again. His purpose seemed lost as he found that he hadn’t thought about his dreams or glorious future for days. Those dreams seemed so unreachable now and Kouyou couldn’t concentrate nor try to prioritise them as he did many times in the past. He hated himself for falling into this trap, where his thoughts were slowly consumed by another human being instead.

When Kouyou took a breath and lifted his gaze to search for the prince, he saw Takanori alone in the gardens, slightly bent down and with a frown on his face. He seemed to be searching for something, but Yuu was nowhere to be seen and Kouyou’s breath hitched in his lungs as panic sent cold chills down his spine.

“What’s wrong?” Akira came closer, noticing the change in Kouyou’s state.

The soldier licked his lips but when he tried to speak, his voice was low and weak.

“I can’t see Yuu anywhere…”

“Yuu?” Akira’s confusion of Kouyou’s use of the name was dismissed by the worried soldier, however.

Kouyou was in distress, the panic wrecking his nerves being so great he didn’t give it a second thought before storming into the gardens. He reached the blond prince in no time and when Takanori finally acknowledged his presence, Kouyou didn’t hesitate to speak.

“Forgive me your highness, but where is the prince?”

Takanori frowned at him and there was an awkward pause between them. 

When the shorter man smirked at him, the soldier realised the absurdity of his question, but it was already too late for him to correct himself.

“Isn’t that your job, Takashima? To know where Yuu is?”

Kouyou’s jaw went slack at the comment and his body tensed up even more as he tried to tame his thoughts and prevent his hurt pride from taking control.

The prince knew his name, at least. He probably knew who he was and that made the soldier even more cautious than before. Yuu’s disappearance was his priority though and he dismissed his pride, easily putting it aside as he bent down slightly and ignored his burning shame.

“Please, your highness.”

When he straightened up, he noticed Takanori’s expression had changed. His smirk was untouched but his eyes held a form of sympathy that instantly gave Kouyou hope.

“We are searching for his cat, Oki. He must be somewhere close. Don’t worry though, the whole royal family is here. We are surrounded heavily by guards.”

Kouyou couldn’t hide how unhappy the boy’s words had made him. His eyes quickly turned dark and his aura changed completely shifting back to the cold statue he had trained himself to be as of late. He didn’t respond as the irritation in his veins boiled and he took another careful look at their surroundings, examining the paths, the bushes and the trees at the back where a small fountain stood. 

The prince wouldn’t understand, right? Yuu was a treasure that Kouyou now held in the core of his pride. It gave him an emotion and a certain type of flurry that fluttered inside of him like a mad butterfly. It was a throbbing in his chest, whenever those dark eyes cast a glance at him and the soldier had accepted its origins already, unable to escape the fondness growing in his heart.

When he turned around and took another glance at the gardens, Kouyou saw the royal family not too far, gathered at a small table where Die and his father were supposedly playing chess.

That left the protector with no other choice but the trees and the fountain at the back.

When he began his search, Kouyou’s mind was void of any coherent thought. The time it took him to reach the trees had flown by in the blink of an eye. His breathing was erratic when he finally reached the fountain but Yuu was still nowhere to be seen.

“Yuu… goddammit…” he cursed through his breath as he spun in his spot, taking in every detail and failing to spot any signs of a human presence except his own. There were no steps in the snow on the ground, only the ones he left behind. There were no broken branches either, and the soldier’s nerves grew so tense they threatened to break.

He almost jumped in his spot when he heard a meow and then he looked up. He was able to spot a black ball of fur trembling on a branch above his head. The green eyes of Yuu’s kitten were gazing at him with orbs full of fright, and Kouyou felt so helpless and lonely in the silence of their stare.

He felt vulnerable and weak, and it made him call for the prince in a desperate attempt to seek solace in his name.

“Yuu!”

A ruffling sound made him spin around and when his eyes fell on Yuu’s worried face, his breath halted in his chest. A wave of relief eased his body and he felt an odd happiness rise within him. He didn’t enjoy it for long, however, because his swirling emotions crashed over him like a wave, his anger resurfacing and sending him into overdrive. It instantly washed away his manners along with the useless etiquette he was supposed to keep.

“God, I thought something happened! Don’t disappear like that ever again!”

Kouyou was out of breath for some reason, but it didn’t prevent him from rising his voice and earning a glare from the prince in response. It was one filled with the flames of reprehension only the prince could produce, and Kouyou found that instead of fighting the prince and sending a glare back, he simply cowered away and averted his gaze. It was then that a heated and a certain tingling sensation spread around his face.

“I got worried,” he tried to explain, his voice so low, it was almost a whisper. 

Kouyou wondered if the prince heard him at all, but the gentle touch on his shoulder that followed soon after told him otherwise. It was accompanied by a gentle squeeze and when he glanced at the prince, he saw a certain form of understanding in the young man’s eyes. Yuu’s lips had curved into a gentle smile again and the prince nodded as if he understood and wasn’t mad for Kouyou’s slip up of words.

The soldier had never felt guilt as big as the one that wrecked him right now.

“I’m sorry.”

That made Yuu’s smile grow wider and he shook his head to the sides as if telling the soldier that his worries were unnecessary. 

There was another meow sound which drew Yuu’s attention instantly and the boy moved past the stunned blond, looking up and searching for his kitten that was still stuck on a branch, trembling while her big eyes begged them for help.

Kouyou felt so misunderstood right then, as he failed to keep his thoughts from spilling and his vulnerability poured out in a soft whisper full of honesty and raw pain.

“I’m sorry I pinned you down.”

Yuu’s body halted in its tracks and froze, while Kouyou kept his gaze locked on him and observed his frame from behind. The soldier didn’t miss the way the prince’s shoulders slouched and his head lowered in an uncharacteristic form of defeat. It gave Kouyou small amounts of distress and he took a breath before he spoke again in an uncharacteristic meek tone of his own.

“I didn’t mean to offend you, my prince. I regret it now and I humbly beg you to forgive me. Please…”

Kouyou’s voice gradually lowered until it was lost completely. He simply remained in his spot, feeling the cold air in his lungs as he took deep breaths, waiting for the prince to turn around and glare or smile at him in his noble genuine ways. But none of it happened. No matter how long the soldier waited as he didn’t dare to approach the prince or draw his attention with a touch or even another word.

He couldn’t.

Kouyou’s pain had grown strong enough to immobilize him completely and his body felt just as weak as the beating muscle in his chest. He knew he wouldn’t have another chance to have Yuu alone with him like this, not even in their chambers as Kouyou wasn’t allowed to spend time with the prince like before. So he gathered all of his strength and for the first time accepted his heartbreak as it came.

He bent his knee in seeking for Yuu’s forgiveness and he found that he cared for neither his pride or dignity anymore. He never felt so defeated in his life. Not even when he was treated with indifference whenever he failed his family’s expectations in the past... the soldier hated the weight his feelings were inflicting on his soul right now. He was desperate to release himself of it all.

“Forgive me, my prince, as I didn’t have any ill intentions. I was half conscious and stunned by the touch that stirred me awake. If I have to, I’ll forget it ever happened. Just nod and I’ll do it. I don’t want us to keep drifting apart. Please, my prince, I’ll do whatever it takes to go back to how we were...”

Kouyou hadn’t realized that his voice was breaking until he came to the end of his thoughts and found that he was running out of breath. He remained in his spot on the ground as he kept waiting for Yuu to react to his words, with his heart breaking with each second that passed.

He was crossing borders he shouldn’t have, but his heart was honest and his soul too stubborn to give up. It was his last resort. He knew he couldn’t go by another day and simply watch the gap between them grow wider than it had already become.

He wasn’t sure if it was his place to beg the way he did, but Kouyou felt no regret and when the silence between them continued for longer than it should have, he was ready to spill more of the same pleas effortlessly.

The moment his lips parted, his voice got stuck in his throat because it was then he heard the boy turn around. Cold sweat appeared on his forehead and he felt immobilized once again as he failed to move and lift his head in search for the prince’s eyes.

It appeared he didn’t have to, because only a second later he saw the prince sink to his knees in front of him. The heavy fabrics of his rich clothing splayed around on the thin veil of snow underneath and Kouyou’s eyes widened in shock. 

Yuu’s face came in line with his own and Kouyou’s words of objection never left his lips as he was rendered speechless by the prince’s hurt gaze.

The pain in those favorable orbs looked so different, the soldier could swear Yuu had never shown him a look so full of regret till now.

He didn’t move from his spot as they continued to stare and Kouyou felt regret of his own while his heart swelled with sadness and his breath halted in his chest.

“Your wish is my command.” He vowed, his voice soft and full of feigned contentment this time.

Yuu’s answer came almost instantly after that.

The moment Kouyou’s cheek was granted the touch he so craved and reminisced on for the past days, the soldier felt his eyes glass over with joy.

He had to close them as he feared the true nature of his feelings would spill right then. Yuu’s palm cradled his face with such care, Kouyou felt the healing powers of the prince’s touch instantly as it eased his body and mind.

And then it hit him.

“You’re not mad at me...” he whispered, as he realised the prince was granting him the same touch Kouyou had just vowed to forget if only Yuu had wished so.

The smile on Yuu’s face was so warm, his eyes half-lidded and his expression so serene, Kouyou felt relieved for the first time in days. Yuu didn’t want him to forget, nor did he hate him. No. Their bond was still strong and Kouyou felt bound to the prince now even more than he had felt before.

And yet… despite everything he felt, there was one thing that still worried Kouyou that he still failed to understand.

“Why have you been avoiding me then… my prince.”

Yuu’s smile faded and his lips parted. His eyes bore into Kouyou’s, sending chills all around the soldier’s body, making him shiver in anticipation as the uncertainty he felt grew and wracked his senses.

It was then Oki meowed from where she was stuck in the tree and Kouyou felt utterly disappointed when Yuu used it as a distraction and rose up, his hand quickly freeing the soldier’s face from its touch. Kouyou couldn’t blame him for reacting the way he did, though. The boy had gone through so much already, and maybe Kouyou was too pushy in his attempts to unravel him and maybe even reach out and touch his heart.

He quickly mimicked the prince and rose to his feet, taking a deep breath. The warmth on his face where Yuu had touched him made him shiver as the cold air now made it tingle.

Yuu had his attention entirely focused on the kitten above them, however, and failed to notice the way Kouyou admired his profile as he stared and examined him from afar.

“I can lift you on my shoulder and you can take her down,” the soldier spoke, and Yuu’s body jolted in response, quickly locking his eyebrows in a cute frown. It made Kouyou’s chest beat and he felt daring enough to simply bend a knee again and hug Yuu’s thighs, lifting him up on his shoulder a second later. The boy was caught off guard and one of his hands landed on Kouyou’s shoulder for support, which only made the other smile wider as he looked up and their gazes met.

Holding Yuu like this felt so natural for the blond, his muscles were tense but there was no struggle for him to keep the boy lifted with his arms. The prince stared down at him, confused and dumbfounded by their new position. It took him a moment until he was able to move again and look up. Oki was meowing loud now but was silenced immediately when Yuu reached up and grabbed her. When she was finally back in her master’s arms and snuggled against his chest, Kouyou bent slightly as he helped the prince to get down and back on his feet...

“How sweet…”

A woman’s voice startled them and they both pulled apart. Kouyou noticed the way Yuu’s eyes widened in fear and when he traced the prince’s gaze, he saw the prince’s oldest sister standing not too far from them, leaning seductively against a tree.

“I’m sorry for interrupting, but you were so cute... I was about to vomit in my mouth.”

Kouyou was so taken aback by the princess’ advances, but he dared not move nor retort back. Her foul aura and promiscuous behavior had already made quite an impression on him a while back, but he had never seen her and Yuu interact before. In fact, they may have been avoiding each other like a plague and whenever they were in the presence of the other, they didn’t dare to spare each other even a glance. Hence, when he saw the other two sisters peeking up from behind the same tree, Kouyou felt danger coming and his senses heightened.

The oldest and the most fearsome of them was Mika; with long blonde hair just like her father and eyes dark and deep, like her mother’s. Her blonde sisters looked just as identical but shorter and with giggly behavior, while she seemed to have the intimidating and malicious face of the Empress herself.

Kouyou’s body instantly tensed up as he saw the predatory way in which she stared at the prince, who now stared back at her with irritation. 

“Did you use your little charms on him yet?” Mika continued with her mocking tone. She was now slowly nearing them, as she took careful steps while she spoke. “Takashima is probably the most handsome of all the guards you’ve had so far. It’d be such a pity if we lose him too, don’t you think?”

The tension in the air had gotten so thick, Kouyou felt suffocated by his swirling emotions and the questions arising in his head. He had never dared to ask the prince about his predecessors. 

He hadn’t asked the crown prince or anyone else about what had happened with them or why he was brought in to fill their place. The girl spoke about it with such a cryptic undertone that the implication hit Kouyou like a hammer to his ribs. Did they all… die? Was he bound to the same fate? What was going on, and why was Yuu so afraid? The boy’s chest rose and fell at a rapid pace. His eyes were wide and when he glanced at Kouyou, the soldier saw guilt and shame spread across the boy’s face.

It dismayed the blond and he felt his heart almost skip a beat.

“Oh…” Mika gasped and her sisters giggled behind her. “He doesn’t know?”

The kitten in Yuu’s arms began to squirm around and it didn’t take long before she jumped and left the prince’s embrace. When Yuu let her go and looked up, Kouyou could swear he saw flames forming in his eyes. There was no intimidation in the way he glared at the girl and Kouyou failed to recognise his prince then. The soldier was so used with the mask of contentment Yuu now wore as of late, he had almost forgotten about the chaotic mess of passionate emotions swirling behind the prince’s calm facade.

Kouyou hoped for the girl to back down and simply leave them and walk away. But it was too obvious that she wasn’t done with them yet and had a sleeve full of malice and venom ready to be unleashed on her younger brother.

She probably had waited for an opportunity like this, to finally spill her poison and hurt Yuu deeply with her hate.

“Die was so worried that you had stopped eating, but I think I know the reason now… my poor special brother, overcome with guilt.” The look on her face almost made Kouyou feel sick. “Maybe if Takashima dies too, you will finally starve yourself to death.”

Everything that followed after the girl’s mocking words happened so fast, Kouyou couldn’t do anything else but watch in shock, completely stunned and in a stupor as Yuu neared his sister and shoved her to the ground. The girl’s scream was so loud and like a shrill to Kouyou’s ears. Yuu, however, seemed almost possessed of something that Kouyou had never had seen in his life. His calm demeanor was replaced by an impulsive mess filled with aggression that the prince was ready to pour on the princess any moment now. As soon as he neared her for a second impact, the two younger sisters grabbed at the long sleeves of his kimono and it didn’t take them long before they pulled him to the ground.

His heavy clothing seemed to restrain his movements and Yuu gasped as he tried to free himself from the death-grip of the girls, but failed as they restrained him completely.

“You little… always so sickeningly special and getting everyone’s attention all to yourself!” Mika shouted as she rose to her feet, while Yuu was forced to kneel with the two girls grabbing at his sides and holding him in place. The boy struggled to shove them off himself but he gave up soon after and the ferocity with which he scrutinized his sister as she closed in on him was so intense and impressive that it kicked Kouyou off his silent stupor. The girl lifted her hand high above her head as she prepared to deliver a blow to the younger prince’s pride but as she took a swing, aiming for Yuu’s face, it was interrupted by the bruising palm of the blond protector who suddenly appeared to her side.

The anger in Kouyou’s veins boiled, setting his skin on fire and his emotions took over. His fingers closed around her wrist even tighter and the girl’s angry slurs soon turned into whimpers and cries. It was like music to Kouyou’s ears and he enjoyed it all, satisfaction pumping his anger, as some of his own aggression was unleashed on the girl’s wrist.

It only took a few seconds for the princess to sink to her knees and for tears to spill from the corners of her humiliated eyes. It was then Kouyou’s senses slowly came back and his grip loosened.

When Kouyou found it in him to release the girl, he watched her fall to the ground and curl up in her sisters' arms as they cradled her in a sympathetic embrace.

The soldier simply watched her, satisfied with her cries and there was no regret in his heart, despite the growing danger that sent chills down his spine. He was still overwhelmed with anger and hatred that corrupted him inside out. No matter their status, he just couldn’t forgive the girl for the way she spoke or threatened her brother.

Even when he heard noises of familiar voices approaching, the soldier didn’t budge. Not even when guards appeared from different sides and Kouyou felt the sickening despair of his perhaps well-deserved end. He didn’t care about either his life or the pain. For Yuu, he was ready to take it all as he so willingly had signed his death sentence the moment he attacked the royal princess and turned her into a whimpering mess. He simply waited for the impact as the guards approached him, ready to defend the girl with their lives. 

A black head of hair suddenly appeared in front of him and Kouyou felt momentarily baffled, the body of the prince was shielding him from the punishment he had just earned. The guards stopped midway in their tracks and everything fell into silence as a realization finally dawned on the blond.

Did Yuu save his life for the second time just now?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PLS DONT KILL ME I PROMISE TO GIVE THEM A BREAK..... at some point
> 
> Also my beta is a superhero I swear! She caught a cold in the middle of editing but was so determined to finish the chap I was able to update a week later. THANK YOU MY SWEETHEART. @IdiocyxAngst  
> @itsukoii gave it a final read too Thank you my beb <3
> 
> ...and again...I hope you guys liked this chap, any feedback is appreciated omg I really hope I am doing this right. It's all written with love so...thank you all who got this far and supported the story. It means the world to me. I hope the newcomers like it too. lkewpdq9uirehfd see ya again for another update very soon.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so :3 hello again babs  
> like always  
> lots of hugS and kisses from me  
> enjoy <3

Kouyou wasn’t moving, despite the adrenaline pumping through his heart. He tried to take a deep breath, but couldn’t. His lungs felt appressed like something was weighing on them, preventing them from properly expanding and complying with his instincts of self-preservation as he felt like he was beginning to suffocate. He was temporarily void of any coherent thought, while his body remained in its stupor of shock and panic.

Yuu’s body was still shielding him away from the danger that the guards represented. There was deathly silence surrounding them as even Mika didn’t dare to make a sound. The tension in the air was so thick and Die’s voice came as a knife slicing through Kouyou’s nerves in half.

“What is going on?” the blond prince emerged from behind the trees, his gaze landing on the princesses on the ground and quickly moving to the young man who was still standing in front of Kouyou. He was unmoving like a statue and of course, no sound escaped his lips. His head shook to the sides and Kouyou knew it was a desperate plea for help and sympathy, as Yuu tried his best to reassure his brother something was wrong and nothing was like it appeared to be.

The rest of the royal family appeared soon after, their gazes landing on the scene in front of them and looking worried as the realization hit them.

“My poor girl.” The Empress was first to speak up and she quickly rushed to the girls on the ground, quickly embracing Mika into a tender caring hug. The woman trembled alongside her daughter and the princess whimpered— quite loudly and more desperate than Kouyou had heard her do moments ago.

 _Bitch_.

“He hurt me, mom.” the girl cried and Kouyou’s eyes widened as he prepared for the worst.

“Who?” the woman cried in unison with her and the soldier felt sick.

“Takashima! He hurt me, mom, look at what he did to my wrist.”

The girl continued to cry and show her bruise, lifting her hand and pleading for Kouyou’s punishment, but the guardian’s attention was quickly caught by another two figures who had just appeared. Yuu had his attention on them already and when Kouyou took a better glance at Takanori, the soldier realised that they probably had an ally and maybe not everything was lost...yet.

The man seemed shocked and his eyes were full of worry, his gaze locked on the raven-haired prince, who seemed to communicate back with him through their intense stare.

It was then the Empress managed to draw all of the attention back on herself.

“I want him punished! I want him dead by the end of the day!”

Die quickly made a grimace and it was obvious he had enough of the drama. He definitely didn’t buy the whole image of Kouyou hurting the princess without a reason. Kouyou, however, couldn’t risk to speak up yet, not before he was granted the chance to defend himself. The emperor seemed too unreadable and cold as a statue, it was safer for Kouyou to keep the etiquette and observe as long as he could. He had to remain obedient as he knew he already had made the good impression he was supposed to. Kouyou was sure they probably knew the princess all too well themselves and that this incident probably wasn’t the first, nor would it be her last.

“Let him explain.” Die’s words finally granted Kouyou with the needed relief, and the soldier was able to take a breath for the first time since the scene occurred. “I want to hear what exactly happened.”

“Why does it matter? He hurt your little sister!” the Empress tried to oppose the crown prince immediately but was quickly silenced by another much deeper and colder voice.

“Let him speak.”

It was the first time the emperor had spoken since everything happened and no one dared to speak up again not even the Empress herself. There were pure anger and disappointment written on her face, but she gritted her teeth and simply glared at Kouyou as everyone waited for him to explain.

The task appeared to be hard nonetheless as the soldier wondered about the consequences. Was it his place to speak ill of the princess and would it worsen his situation, despite it being bad enough already?

However, as seconds passed, Kouyou realised he had no other choice and he licked his lips before speaking up.

“Her Majesty and her little brother had a quarrel and...she tried to hit him.”

“I did not do such a thing…” Mika cried in protest but Die quickly silenced her with a glare. When he lifted his gaze and looked at his brother, the prince’s voice was calm.

“Is it true Yuu?”

The raven-haired immediately nodded and that made Die sigh. He didn’t look surprised. Neither did the emperor, who simply lowered his gaze and took a deep breath of obvious annoyance.

“I appreciate the devotion, but….why did you see it suitable to fight a princess...Takashima?” Die addressed the guardian directly this time.

“Everything happened too fast. My instincts reacted instead of me.” Kouyou simply explained and his heart felt heavy in his chest.

He knew it was probably not a reason at all, considering the girl was a member of the royal family, but he still felt proud of protecting Yuu from his sister. That girl deserved no sympathy and despite the mess he had created for the hundredth time, Kouyou felt no regret for his actions. He didn’t care much for the consequences either.

He took a glimpse at the royal family for a second time and noticed how their attention was focused on the prince who still stood in front of him shielding him with his body and not moving an inch. Kouyou almost felt giddy inside, realising the prince was there for him and wasn’t going to let him fight this battle alone. His silence spoke a million words and the soldier knew how scary Yuu could be in his emotional stubborn state.

So when the raven-haired prince glanced at Takanori again, Kouyou wasn’t surprised to see the little blond sighing and his eyes lowering in an uncharacteristic form of submission.

“I am sorry for intruding on this family matter, but may I share my opinion?” he spoke soon after, and everyone turned their attention to him.

The Empress tried to fake a soft smile while the emperor remained calm and still quite unreadable to the blond. Kouyou couldn’t miss how the atmosphere quickly changed again and there was an awkward pause of silence this time as everyone waited for the guest’s judgement.

The soldier was amazed at the influence this man seemed to have on everyone in this castle, even the royal family themselves.

“I am afraid that as much as I love your family, Mika and her sisters have many talents and one of them is, unfortunately, an extraordinary ability to provoke people and bring out….their worst sometimes.”

Takanori’s words were daring and the young man made a short pause as he waited for a reaction. The royal family, however, remained silent and no one dared to either agree or deny the prince’s words.

It was then Takanori saw it suitable to continue and he smiled briefly before he spoke his next words.

“I have seen how dedicated Takashima is. I think we should be thankful that he is ready to protect the prince at such costs. I am sure he knew what the outcome could be but still chose to protect Yuu in the way he did. You can be sure he would rather give his life then let any harm come to the prince.”

Kouyou couldn’t believe his ears and it took several moments for his brain to actually process what had just happened. Did Takanori really defend him just now?

He was almost sure, the foreign prince resented him in some kind of odd passive-aggressive way, as his royal blood didn’t allow him to waver from his manners and etiquette. His comments and looks so far had only spoken of mild annoyance of the said dedication that Kouyou held for Yuu. Takanori was totally contradicting himself and everything he had shown the soldier over the past few days.

But then Yuu took another glance at the foreign prince and the soldier saw the genuine smile of gratitude that graced his raven’s face.

Kouyou was so confused by his feelings right then, as he felt overwhelmed and so disturbed with himself. The way Yuu used his charms to save him yet again almost broke Kouyou’s heart in the most painful ways.

“Our guest is right.” the emperor spoke after a long torturous pause and Kouyou’s skin prickled. Did he hear right? Was his life spared? “We can’t lose a guardian like Takashima. You don’t see a man with his skills often and not at such a young age too. I’ve been impressed with the way he’s followed Yuu around. Besides….” he took a small pause again and used it to lower his gaze and look at the empress who still held their daughter protectively in her arms. “It’s not Takashima’s fault our daughter seems to forget her manners as often as she does.”

“No!” the empress growled in response and Kouyou was terrified at how predatory the woman looked when she rose up and rushed to the emperor. Their faces were inches apart and her whole body trembled as well as her voice when she spoke, as she tried to keep her voice down. “You can’t let him get away. He still hurt our princess. It would set the wrong example. You can spare his life and favour him all you want, but he must be punished.”

Kouyou didn’t have to wait for the emperor’s decision then, as the woman made perfect sense and her point was valid. He knew that the emperor had no choice but to follow through with her conditions. Letting anyone get away with bringing harm to a member of the royal family, meant others might think the behavior would be tolerated.

Therefore the soldier wasn’t surprised when the emperor spoke again and revealed his final judgement.

“I’ve seen your records. You’re a strong man Takashima.” Kouyou stared back at him just as intensely and nodded. ”Ten lashes.”

Yuu jolted in his spot and Kouyou knew the prince was just as terrified as he was.

“Take him away.”

The moment the guards took their first step, Yuu’s back became flush with Kouyou’s chest as the prince tried to shield him away once again. Despite the heat that spread inside his chest, the soldier couldn’t allow his feelings and reactions to the prince’s actions to bring him happiness and a certain type of fondness. Despair and hurt tormented his mind instead.

He would never think that Yuu would be in such distress over his well being and try to protect him the way he did. But he also had assured the prince they would be together in whatever may come to them. He couldn’t watch the prince hurt or guilt himself over Kouyou’s own stupid mistakes. He had to assure the young man that all was going to be fine and he didn’t have to hurt over his stubbornness.

“It’s alright,” he said low enough for Yuu to hear him and he felt the prince’s body shudder.

Die was already nearing them, with his cold eyes and face radiating with sadness and distress of his own. When he got close enough to lean and whisper into his brother’s ear, Kouyou’s heart took it as the final blow, as he heard the words himself.

“ _Don’t forget who is watching_.”

That made the prince freeze in his spot, with his head lowered and shoulders slouched in defeat. It was familiar to the one Kouyou witnessed himself only moments ago, when he apologised to Yuu under the tree. This time though Yuu’s posture radiated something different, strong and destructive. The prince was in defeat, yes, but he was hurting in a new way as well.

The reason became clear in Kouyou’s head only a second later as he threw a quick glance at Takanori who now stared at them expectantly.

The foreign royal had tried after all to help. He really did try.

When Die took a step back and nodded to the guards, Kouyou simply followed through and let them take him away. They didn’t dare touch him as he was obedient in the way he stepped aside and followed their lead. His steps were slow and hesitant at first, but he quickly straightened up and looked up. He let his pride take over and he followed the guards with confidence, not letting the empress feel even an ounce of satisfaction, as she watched with hateful eyes.

Kouyou didn’t dare to look at Yuu and entered the palace with eyes closed and holding his breath. Neither of them would take it if he dared glance back.

\-----

The sting was almost gone, as Kouyou took a deep breath and relished in the soothing feeling of the doctor’s hands on his back. He refused to think of the punishment he had just received, nor the dark revelations and new share questions that threatened to haunt the soldier’s thoughts. Instead, his mind simply drowned in memories that quickly brought comfort to the pain in his body and inside his chest. His muscles were still tense and the soldier couldn’t feel much of his back, other than the skin burning and making him tremble from time to time.

It didn’t scare him nor send him into some kind of despair, as the soldier kept his thoughts occupied with the person that kept his nights void of the nightmares that used to torture him in the past. Yuu’s powers seemed to reach him even now, despite them being apart and not in each other’s presence anymore. Kouyou could feel the tender warmth on his face, reminiscing on that moment when Yuu gave him something to hold on to and keep locked in his heart.

That same memory kept him sane throughout his punishment and Kouyou couldn’t help it when his mind drifted back to the memory now. A moment that made him feel appreciated and strong enough to go on.

As soon as the doctor’s hands left him and Kouyou closed his eyes, his thoughts drifted back to his room. To the time when he rested in his bed and Yuu was there to grant him kindness.

Kouyou felt so safe, so calm, he was able to take a deep breath and exhale without his lungs hurting and turning him into a coughing mess. He felt so content, his muscles eased soon after and his mind instantly relaxed.

There was a ruffling sound that startled him however and his eyes shot open. When he lifted his gaze and saw who had entered the room, Kouyou was shocked.

He quickly stood up and bowed, suppressing the hiss that the pain in his back evoked. His skin got lit on fire once again.

Takanori simply scrutinized him from head to toe and when the soldier straightened up, he almost felt embarrassed, realising he was actually topless and half of his uniform was gone.

He tried to not lose his confidence however and quickly tried to speak up instead of letting the silence in the room grow more awkward.

“Thank you for your words today, your Highness.” his voice was low and weak, but Kouyou couldn’t help it as his lungs felt exhausted and his throat hurt.

Takanori’s expression remained cold and there was no sign of his usual cheerful eyes and gleeful smile. It sent chills throughout Kouyou’s entire body as he began to worry for reasons still foreign to him. There was a threat in the younger’s eyes, despite him looking harmless and yet somehow, his presence felt rather calm at the same time.

Kouyou was ready to convince himself he was probably too paranoid and overreacting, but then...the prince spoke up.

“I have seen such devotion before and I know very well what it brings.”

Kouyou didn’t retort but simply eyed the prince back, unmoving and unable to produce a sound.

“I just hope you will be able to draw the line before it becomes too dangerous….for you.”

As their gazes remained locked on each other, Kouyou was able to exchange many emotions of surprise, shock, irritation…..even jealousy, with the foreign prince. Their determination and convictions seemed unshakable and solid as a wall— which both of their hearts tried to conquer, but somehow their feelings clashed like titans of equal strength with a determination that didn’t allow either of them to win the silent battle.

When Takanori’s eyes flickered with passion matching Kouyou’s own, the soldier realised what he had thought was an alliance once was actually a declaration of war.

“Take it as a warning,” Takanori whispered, little before he turned on his heels and was out of the room leaving Kouyou breathless and his feelings in overdrive.

Kouyou didn’t know how the prince was able to see right through him, but he found that his soul felt more than ready to fight. Whatever Takanori thought he knew, he would remain an outsider to everything precious and tender that Yuu was for the blond. And as soon as that crossed his mind, Kouyou was able to finally see the pure nature of his feelings as they had grown too big and strong that he’d no longer be able to ignore them or continue to lock them away inside.

Yuu was now his pride, purpose, salvation and love all at the same time.

\------

“Please talk to me.” Die’s voice was desperate as he pleaded, his eyes locked on his brother who stood not too far, looking out the window, near the table where his books were splayed out. The boy didn’t find interest in them today and simply avoided his older brother as they remained locked in his room for the rest of the day. The tension was now boiling and the blond prince was growing anxious, despite the perfect facade of self-control that demonstrated at all times. Yuu was probably the only person in his life who had ever touched him in ways that turned him weak and soft at the same time. The younger prince had always been so cheerful, pulling Die out of his gloomy and dark thoughts as his innocence became crushed by the heavy weight of his duty to the crown. Yuu was the one person that could make him smile even in his darkest times. His little brother had a talent of being a tease, coming up with little intriguing games for them to play. He was exceptionally good in teasing their sisters in the cutest childish ways. Die cherished these childhood memories up to this day.

This bond, however, had drastically changed as of late and even though Die was old enough to understand, it hurt him deeply.

His chest felt tight whenever his eyes landed on his brother and as years passed, the prince realised he could no longer recognise the boy he once knew. Yuu was the opposite of what he used to be and Die was growing weary of constantly seeking paths to his heart and soul.

He was so tired of this silence he was treated with as well.

It made him feel unworthy and so helpless whenever he and Yuu were alone ever since….that fateful day.

“You are mad at me.” the blond prince sighed, but Yuu didn’t react.

Die was treated with very familiar and hurtful indifference.

It was enough for him to completely break out of his confident shell and the prince suddenly stood up and walked over to his brother with hurried steps. When he neared the young man his anger reached its boiling point and his hand landed on the frame of the window, as he didn’t hesitate to invade Yuu’s personal space

Die’s face was inches apart from his brother’s and he took a deep breath, while Yuu remained unresponsive, his eyes half-lidded, gaze lowered and his lips parted.

“There was nothing I could do, to revoke his punishment and you know it.” Die spoke up, but again….Yuu didn’t even flinch. “You know dad wouldn’t listen to me. It was better this way. It could’ve been much worse. Not to mention Takanori was there.” His anger was growing as he spat his last sentence through gritted teeth and even though it didn’t evoke a reaction from Yuu, Die continued his speech as he had a lot of things he held inside and was finally ready to spill even if it meant he might hurt his little brother. “You know he is probably the only reason you’re useful to them. There haven’t been any attacks. Just keep him close and make him sign.”

Die was almost out of his breath, his heart breaking as he fully realised the horrible reality and the true nature of what seemed to keep Yuu safe as of late.

And there it was...the first sign of reaction as Yuu’s eyes closed and his jaw went slack.

Die was on the right path for the first time in years and he wasn’t letting go of that chance.

“You want what happened last time to happen again? You want to lose Kouyou too?”

Yuu took a deep breath and he almost shook in his place, as he remained with his eyes closed, refusing to let more of his true feelings out. Die wasn’t ready to stop pushing him, nevertheless.

It wasn’t satisfying enough— not for his neglected heart. Not yet.

“I know why you don’t speak since then. You try to keep everyone at a distance and push them away. It’s a great tool you chose. Genius in fact. But you know what? No matter how hard you try, you’re not protecting anyone. You’re simply hurting the people who care about you the most.”

Yuu took another deep breath, squeezing his eyes shut as he tried to remain in his place and simply endure the emotional pain Die seemed to have finally put him through.

Despite how desperate he was for a reaction, Die didn’t feel the much-desired satisfaction in the end. Hurting his brother wasn’t something he was good at, nor something he wished to be good at. He loved the younger prince on so many levels, his anger quickly shifted and turned towards himself.

Guilt washed over him soon after and he didn’t dare to utter another word.

Who was he kidding?

He couldn’t blame Yuu for anything, not his feelings nor their past. He was the older one, the protector. At least that was the image he wanted to pursue as they grew up.

Die parted his lips ready to speak up again, but his words got lost and he froze as they heard the door at the lobby open and then close with a soft click.

That instantly had an effect on the younger prince, as he turned his face towards the exit of his room, following the noise and staring at the door with eyes filled with...longing and a certain type of worry that almost scared Die right then.

And as he watched his brother almost tearing up in front of him, rapid breaths and hands crossing in front of his chest for a self-embrace, Die felt defeated once again.

His last words to Yuu that night were raspy but were spoken with understanding and defeat.

“Your real protector is back.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promise to give them a break at some point ><
> 
> also THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR EVERYTHING MY BB BETA @IdiocyxAngst
> 
> i've been so sick for like....a month I haven't been online much but I really hope the updates and waiting was worth it
> 
> ALSO I SAW THIS THING HIT 100 KUDOS AND I AM STILL AN EMOTIONAL MESS HOLY FFFFFFFFFF I AM NOT SORRY FOR THE CAPS LOCK  
> THE FEELINGS ARE INTENSE AND MY KOKORO IS DOKI DOKI HOLY SHHHHHHHT I NEED TO BE HELD  
> IDK HOW TO EXPRESS GRATTITUDE PROPERLY OMG I AM A NOSY TRASH FORGIVE ME
> 
> sorry for my typing BUT I AM STILL SO HAPPY ;A; you guys don't know how touched I am  
> ok I have to lay down  
> wish y'all great weekend and see ya soon <3


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heallo again sweetie pies  
> This is a special chapter, one that is very close to my heart so....enjoy <3

The moment he entered his room, Kouyou let out a breath of relief. He felt safe and there was a flow of peaceful calm that engulfed him as he closed his eyes while he stood at the door. He relished the stillness that surrounded him and took a minute before he felt ready to move again.

It felt surreal to return to this room now, after everything that happened that day, including his emotional turmoils that seemed to be under control at the moment, and yet...the soldier still felt unsettled as the questions that worried him before, once again, plagued his mind.

He didn’t feel as disturbed by them now however, because there was something about his room that made him feel strong and appeased with himself. It was a personal place of his own, that he managed to change and bond with enough to eventually call home. It was the only place where he didn’t feel vulnerable or haunted by his tomorrows and what came with them.

It was the only place where he felt like he and Yuu could be equal. Here their titles didn’t seem to matter much to the blond as he felt almost free to think of the prince as a person, not some entity of another world to which Kouyou didn’t belong to. Here he belonged with the raven as the kindness and gentle gestures that were once exchanged were genuine. Here was the first time Kouyou ever allowed Yuu reach his heart and silently bonded with him as they vowed loyalty to one another.

Kouyou realized now, that moment was probably the first time when his heart began to open up for feelings that still scared him, but he no longer suppressed.

The thought of it was painful, even now, but at least it didn’t wash out the relief he felt from the recent events completely.

Kouyou sighed while walking over to the couch in his room and dumped the jacket of his uniform on it. He pulled his shirt out of his pants and began to unbutton it as he sat on the edge of his bed. He rested his hands on his thighs and took a deep breath as he began to feel his back grow tense. His skin still felt hot, but at least it was no longer throbbing painfully. The sting he originally felt was subsiding and surprisingly, his shirt didn’t irritate him as he appeared to not feel much, only the slight burn and discomfort whenever he stirred or moved.

The feeling wasn’t foreign to him either.

A soft click made him jolt in his spot and he quickly took a glance at the door behind him. His eyes landed on the blond prince but quickly avoided Die’s gaze, returning to his original position, letting his back face him once again.

“Are you alright?” the prince spoke up and Kouyou bit his lips before answering.

“I know you sent the doctor to treat my back. Thank you for that, your highness. I assure you, I’ll be fine by tomorrow.”

Kouyou heard Die sigh. The prince’s voice was tired when he wished him good night and left.

The soldier remained in his spot on the bed for a few more minutes, simply breathing and trying to empty his head from anything that troubled his mind. He couldn’t think of tomorrow, nor the dark secrets that may have been revealed to him today. There were so many mysteries surrounding the young prince. Kouyou cared for him too much now and feared he wasn’t enough to protect him after all. Despite his calm external state, the feelings inside of him were intense. And if Kouyou was being honest with himself, he’d admit that he was actually frightened of the thought of not being enough.

He was almost ready to stand up and prepare for bed when he heard another click and the hair at the back of his neck stood on end.

He didn’t move nor turned around this time, as something in his gut told him immediately just who had just intruded on his much deserved peace.

He didn’t expect them to meet today. The fact the prince visited him the same night he got back, made the blond feel giddy inside. Kouyou wanted to think the young man was worried about him and couldn’t wait to see him as they spent the latter half of the day apart, but he quickly brushed it off and pushed the thought away, feeling far too daring to even think such things.

He heard the prince’s footsteps make their way towards the bed and came into view. Kouyou looked up at him and found Yuu had brought a big cup with him as the raven sat next to him. Kouyou didn’t react or say a word. He wasn’t sure if it was expected of him. Nevertheless, he was rendered speechless now. There was steam coming out of the cup and Yuu held it with both hands. His clear gaze boring into Kouyou’s own, his smile soft and gentle, making Kouyou’s heart skip a beat as it always did each time his eyes met that piercing gaze.

His hair was now falling freely down his shoulders; framing his face in the most enchanting way. He was dressed in his night clothes, instead of the heavy traditional clothing, the empress forced him to wear. Kouyou felt suddenly paralyzed by the beauty of it all and couldn’t keep himself from staring at the prince. Tracing every curve of his soft lips, as they finally parted for a silent giggle.

It was then that Kouyou was pulled out of his embarrassing trance. Yuu pushed the cup into his hands and the blond was compelled to take a sip.

The moment he tasted it, the soldier realised it was tea.

He looked up at the young man again and noticed he was waiting for him expectantly.

“Is that Chamomile tea? Did your brother bring it? ” he asked and Yuu nodded immediately. It sent heat straight from Kouyou’s cheeks down to his heart. “It should relax my muscles“ Kouyou commented his thoughts aloud and took another sip, before looking up at the prince again. “Thank you.”

Kouyou tried to smile back and return Yuu’s soft gaze with one of his own.

As soon as he did that, the prince’s smile faltered and the younger’s eyes drifted down until they locked on Kouyou’s chest. He traced Yuu’s gaze and it was then he realised his shirt was still left unbuttoned. His fingers trembled slightly around the teacup and he felt utterly embarrassed when he spoke to the prince.

“I’m sorry. I’ll fix it now.”

He was ready to stand up and take care of it but was stopped in his tracks by Yuu’s gentle hand on his elbow silently keeping him in place. The blond was startled when he looked at the prince once again. Yuu’s attention wasn’t focused on either his face or shirt anymore. His brows were furrowed in worry instead and Kouyou noticed a slight tint on the younger’s cheeks despite the dim light in his room making it too hard to see.

Yuu stirred a second later and climbed on the bed, leaving the blond baffled, as the prince took a position behind him.

When Kouyou felt the prince’s hands around the collar of his shirt, the skin on his whole body prickled. It was another surreal feeling he never thought he’d experience with the prince before. He never dared in fact. As he almost felt guilty of having such images involving the prince in his head whenever they surfaced in his mind in the past. He longed for the gentle touch he was receiving now and Kouyou simply froze in his spot on the bed. He allowed the young man to remove the shirt from his shoulders to reveal the bruised skin beneath it.

There was a short pause of silence that Kouyou used to recover from the swirling emotions that immediately stormed in his heart. His nerves were on edge and his cheeks burned with an embarrassment that he knew too well.

Yuu took a deep breath and Kouyou heard him gasp— his heart almost broke.

“It’s nothing. I don’t feel much of it, my prince.” Kouyou tried to assure him then, but the prince seemed too entranced by his guardian's bruises. It worried Kouyou deeply and his breaths picked up the pace. “I am not in pain.”

He lied— but It was a noble lie in Kouyou’s head. It felt that way too, as the blond hadn’t forgotten what Yuu’s sister had revealed in the gardens, as she tried to provoke her little brother by bringing up the past.

Yuu suddenly moved his hands, tracing his skin to stop on his neck. It sent shivers down Kouyou’s spine as the prince’s fingers felt just as soft and gentle as he remembered them to be. The young man slowly pushed the blond hair to the side, and the soldier realised what Yuu was searching for. It made him smile again before he spoke up.

“It healed already, my prince. I shouldn’t have a scar either.”

Yuu sighed from behind him, and Kouyou felt the mattress shift slightly as the prince sat in the sheets and remained there.

Kouyou’s face had flared up enough to kick him out of his stunned embarrassed state. He quickly placed the cup on the nightstand and covered his shoulders with the shirt again. He managed to button it up in lightning speed and turned around, only to find Yuu hugging his knees, with eyes locked on the ruffled sheets separating them.

“Yuu…” Kouyou called for him and the prince lifted his gaze, looking up and catching Kouyou in another intense stare of their own. There was no sign of Yuu’s previous boldness, as his face remained stoic and serious, while his eyes held a sadness the soldier had seen many times before.

“You feel guilty...don’t you?” Kouyou whispered as he found it hard to speak all of a sudden and noticed how Yuu’s fingers trembled as well as his legs before he averted his gaze again.” You shouldn’t… only I am responsible for my actions.”

The silence in the room suddenly felt lighter than it was moments ago and Yuu glanced up at his guardian again. There was obvious confusion written on his face, mixed with objection and apprehension. It made Kouyou purse his lips and then smile again.

“Please promise me you won’t stop eating again, my prince.” he pleaded and he saw the emotional distress that resurfaced on the prince’s face. He looked baffled by Kouyou’s clever remark and tried to avoid his gaze again as his own lips curved into a sad smile soon after. Kouyou patiently waited for the prince’s response and was delighted to see the young man bite his lower lip in hesitation before he looked up and nodded, sealing their new deal.

“Good” Kouyou noted and lowered his gaze as another pause followed, full a sort of silent satisfaction.

Yuu stirred a couple of seconds later and Kouyou thought the prince would leave, but he was surprised to see him lay on the bed instead, facing him and smiling, almost mocking Kouyou’s confusion as it came.

The guardian was puzzled yet again by the prince’s actions. He wasn’t sure what Yuu’s eyes were trying to tell him so desperately through their hazed but stern gaze. There were a couple of ideas already forming in his head, but he felt too embarrassed by them all.

“You should be going soon, my prince. Your curfew should begin soon.”

That evoked a silent snort from the young man and his lips pursed into a knowing smirk when he rose up on his elbow and tapped the sheets in front of Kouyou in a certain— inviting way.

It told the blond what Yuu wanted him to do, but he was hesitant to comply immediately as he felt unsure if he was ready to cross another line with the prince.

Yuu’s smile was so soft and inviting however, with his silky hair splayed out on the pillow under his head, which made him look so serene.

Kouyou began to feel like he was looking at something divine and out of this world. He felt he shouldn’t be allowed to witness the vulnerability that Yuu was showing him right now.

And yet….it was the prince’s choice to reveal it to the blond and that realization washed Kouyou’s worries away faster than he would’ve imagined. He suddenly felt comfortable enough to lay on the empty side of the bed as he followed Yuu’s silent orders. He laid on his side and faced the boy as he couldn’t suppress his urges to consume all of the prince’s beauty with his unworthy eyes.

He couldn’t believe how weak he felt in the other’s presence. No one had ever been able to take his breath away the way Yuu did.

Even the pain in his back that hit him as soon as he shifted onto his side wasn’t enough to make him reconsider his actions. The view of Yuu’s gentle smile was perfect like this and Kouyou tried to suppress everything else as he basked at the moment, enjoying the comfortable silence they shared.

It was then, as he watched Yuu like this— so calm and adorable in his tired state as he stared back— the questions that still tortured Kouyou’s mind began to resurface one by one, making him tense up by the second. Slowly, the stillness that calmed his soul began to wash away, giving way for the anxiety he’d felt to rise again.

It didn’t take long for the prince to notice the change in his guardian’s state and his smile faded, while his eyebrows furrowed in a worried expression again. His eyes were expectant and Kouyou licked his lips as he felt the need to finally press the younger over these matters and maybe even beg for a little reassurance in return.

“Can I ask you something, my prince?” he whispered and Yuu nodded immediately as if he was just as eager to hear what troubled Kouyou, as the blond craved for the answers he searched for. “Did all of your previous guards die?”

Yuu sucked in a breath and his eyes widened. He didn’t look surprised by Kouyou’s question however and he nodded in response, prompting the blond to press the matter even further.

“How many?”

He could tell that the question disturbed the young man greatly as the prince chewed his lower lip in hesitation, before lifting his hand and using his fingers to answer.

“Four…” Kouyou sighed and the hair at the back of his neck stood raised again, but this time...it was from the chill that ran down his spine. He had thought about the matter before, wondering if it was two, maybe three predecessors he had had. But the number Yuu presented him managed to frighten him slightly.

“Did they all die... fulfilling their duty?” Kouyou asked his next question, but Yuu didn’t nod as Kouyou expected him to do. The distress the young man seemed to experience right now grew and he averted his gaze for the first time before lifting his hand again and giving Kouyou another number.

“One didn’t?” he asked with hesitation.

Another nod.

Kouyou was able to see how Yuu’s expression changed completely then and there was such pain radiating from those dark orbs straight into Kouyou’s own. The soldier felt guilty as he hadn’t considered how painful the subject must be for the prince.

“It’s ok... I am not afraid.” Kouyou smiled as he tried to calm Yuu with his gentle voice, reassuring the prince he was there for him no matter what. He didn’t want to cause Yuu pain. There was a sudden regret that made him avert his gaze from the younger.

He couldn’t imagine how many things seemed to be weighing down Yuu’s shoulders and the soldier felt responsible for every time he caused the prince any sort of trouble...even annoyance.

Yuu was forced to live under conditions, that not just anyone could take lightly and stay sane, but Yuu did. The fact he probably knew who wished his harm made it all the more cruel and unbearable. It made Kouyou’s heart break that the prince couldn’t reveal his secrets to anyone. He must be so lonely in his silent torment, as years passed by and all of his emotions piled up. They were all locked inside and the prince would never have the release his heart had probably craved for the longest time. His secrets were his own and would remain like this.

The harder Kouyou thought about this, the more he began to realise that it wasn’t an unfortunate chain of events that robbed Yuu of the freedom to share his secrets with someone else. His mind drifted back far enough for him to remember his very first day as Yuu’s guard and the very first time their personalities had clashed.

He glanced at the prince again and this time his voice held the undertones of regret as he spoke.

“When I suggested for you to communicate with me through writing…. You were trying to protect me wasn’t it?”

Yuu quickly confirmed Kouyou’s suspicions with another nod.

The soldier didn’t say another word as he took a moment to think. He simply bored into the other’s eyes and suddenly realised that the prince’s orbs flickered with new kind of worry. He seemed to be feeling guilty again and Kouyou quickly regretted his words, as he didn’t mean for the young man to go through another bout of inner turmoil because of him.

“It’s ok. I understand.” Kouyou’s smile never left his face and that seemed to have an effect on Yuu because his gaze calmed down and his body slowly seemed to relax.

Kouyou felt some relief soon after and decided it was time for them to seal another deal.

“Can you….promise me that, one day, when you’re finally free of the danger threatening your life, you would….try that writing thing with me?”

A small nod, accompanied with the glassy eyes of the prince, made Kouyou’s blood freeze in his veins.

It was a deal of trust that they had just sealed. One that linked their troubled hearts in a bond that felt unbreakable. Kouyou was able to feel it within every fibre in his body, and when their eyes met for another look of content, Kouyou realised the fondness in their gazes nearly matched each other.

Kouyou didn’t dare to say another word as the pain in his back and shoulders suddenly began to tire his body, making him feel exhausted to his core. His eyelids began to feel heavy and despite how much he enjoyed basking in those beautiful eyes of the raven, the soldier slowly closed his and allowed his muscles to relax.

His emotions were a storm, destructive in their nature, and yet so calming. Kouyou didn’t regret any of them for the first time. He was falling back into the abyss of uncertainty and unspoken truths when he felt the mattress move beneath him slightly but he didn’t open his eyes, nor moved as he realised Yuu had moved closer. The soldier wondered if the younger was feeling cold or wished for their interaction to continue, so he simply waited for a nudge to his shoulder or any sign that the prince required his attention again.

None of it came, however, and Kouyou’s breathing picked up its pace as he grew anxious, still conscious and waiting for Yuu’s next move.

When it finally came, it was the opposite of everything the guardian had ever dared to imagine.

Kouyou’s lips parted for another soft breath when something soft pressed against them, sending jolts of electricity throughout his entire body in a rush. It was a shock for the blond as he laid frozen on the sheets, unmoving as the pressure on his lips increased. The moment he realized it was the prince’s lips pressing against his own, Kouyou’s heart halted in his chest, stunned by the adrenaline that rushed straight into his core. He felt frozen in time, devoured by the delicious taste and intoxicating touch of their lips as they remained locked with each other for a fleeting second more. Kouyou refused to give up that moment of bliss, even after the prince pulled away and left Kouyou’s senses craving and longing for more. The soldier refused to open his eyes, too afraid that the kiss was nothing more than a dream. He wasn’t ready to be crushed by their reality just yet, as he knew it would hit him harder than it ever had.

It was then Yuu stirred again and Kouyou immediately sensed something was wrong. His eyes shot open and his instincts forced him to raise and grab the prince, quickly shoving him back on the sheets and preventing him from leaving.

This time the raven showed no resistance and it dawned on the blond that maybe the prince didn’t actually want to leave either. He simply remained on the sheets, unmoving, as Kouyou pinned him down, restraining his wrists against the bed on either side of the prince’s head.

The soldier wasn’t planning on apologizing to the prince again. Not this time. He was still in shock from what had just happened between them and the thoughts in his head were now swirling in a raging storm.

Kouyou’s heart was breaking. He was trembling to the point that the bruised skin on his shoulder blades was burning with intensity enough to make his eyes water. He felt angry or hurt… it was difficult to discern the emotions that were now creating a deadly mixture that wiped out his mind and left him only with the impulsive nature of his pride.

“You are not allowed to walk away from this,” he growled.

Yuu’s eyes were boring into his, with his tinted cheeks and softly parted lips. The image was almost unbearable to look at, as the prince looked more inviting than ever, obedience written all over his face. It almost felt as if their roles had been reversed. There was no rejection in the younger’s eyes and he didn’t avert them nor tried to escape Kouyou’s intense gaze. He wasn’t resisting and it thrilled Kouyou to the point that his blood began to boil in his veins.

Still, it was frustrating and so tiring. The soldier’s muscles began to give in and he lowered his head letting their foreheads touch.

Kouyou then closed his eyes as he tried to collect his thoughts. Their close proximity was driving him mad as Yuu’s warm breaths now brushed his face, making the skin tingle and waking the cravings he had locked away.

The prince was under the soldier’s control now, laying warm and captive on the sheets of his bed. Kouyou’s body weighed on top of him, trembling with anticipation born from the passion reigniting inside of his chest. Every memory of Yuu undressing in his presence, Kouyou never missing a chance to steal a glance of Yuu’s forbidden beauty, was fuel to that same passion that the soldier was now failing to fight and subdue.

He wanted the prince. Even if he couldn’t be his. The thought of it was enough to crush Kouyou’s pride to pieces. Pieces that he would gladly give to the young man on a silver platter if given the chance.

Kouyou had been suffering for weeks and it felt so unfair. He wished he could share the intensity of his feelings with the prince, make him tremble the same way he did, make him crave Kouyou’s heart the same way Kouyou did.

When he felt ready for his next step, he loosened his grip on one of Yuu’s wrists and took a deep breath. His eyes were still closed and he didn’t dare to open them again as he gently held the prince’s palm in his and brought it close to his chest, making it rest on the side where his heart laid.

“Feel what you’ve done to me,” he whispered, just before he yielded to his feelings entirely. His lips clashed with Yuu’s and the suppressed passion in his heart was unleashed like a wave of heat that spread all around his body. The prince shuddered underneath him, his fingers trembling against his chest, as Kouyou’s lips moved against Yuu’s, reminding him of their sweet lock and coaxing him into a rhythm he found he loved. It was easy to part the prince’s lips, licking and tasting their softness before invading it’s hot cavern and exploring it sensually and yet...so hungrily.

Yuu answered Kouyou’s hunger with compliance, letting the blond bruise his lips as the kiss deepened. The soldier was so lost in the heat of it all, he wasn’t thinking straight anymore. His lungs began to feel tight, but his passion didn’t falter and increased instead. Their oxygen was running out but none of them cared as they refused to pull away.

The way Yuu shuddered every time their tongues twirled in his mouth, spurred Kouyou on. The sweet inexperience with which Yuu fought for dominance, made Kouyou want to ravish his mouth and soft lips even more, eager to explore everything his innocence had to offer. He simply couldn’t get enough.

Yuu’s fingers on his chest closed into a fist, gripping the shirt underneath and then...the first push came.

When Kouyou pulled away and broke their kiss, they gasped for air, staring at each other with glassy— hungry eyes. Yuu looked so beautiful right now with his red cheeks and lips, so captivating in their abused state. Kouyou was mesmerized and despite the burning urge to repeat that moment, again and again, something was stopping him from fulfilling those desires, no matter how strong they felt.

Whatever he had locked in a cage inside, was now out and unveiled for the prince to see. There was no going back and it hurt the soldier deeply.

Their reality almost crushed him soon after, and Kouyou shivered averting his gaze... but then the prince was quickly cradling his face with his gentle palms and forcing their gazes into another lock.

When he pulled Kouyou close and the tips of their noses touched with gentle affection, the soldier teared up. The strength in his body left him and he buried his face in Yuu’s warm neck, desperate for comfort and basking in the intoxicating scents that quickly eased his pain.

As Yuu pulled him into a gentle embrace, the blond relaxed completely and cast all of his worries aside. The forbidden warmth and touch of the prince, he now loved, was his even if just for tonight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THIS ONE DROPPED FASTER kekekeke  
> we really tried...especially because of the last cliffhanger. I am sorry for those. I hate cliffhangers too, but my chapters were too long anyways D:  
> Thank you again to my bb beta @IdiocyxAngs and Thank you to @itsukoii for giving it a final read too.  
> I really hope this chapter touched you guys. We really did our best.  
> Thank you for reading again and getting this far too. I appreciate it so much I can't describe it in words. You are all so amazing and supportive. Hugs and kisses to you all <3  
> and see ya soon


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello there cutiepies, I am sorry for the long wait but I've been feeling unwell /physically and erm health wise/ I am back and I hope you'll like this chapter. I am hyped to keep going. 
> 
> Also you may have noticed /or not omg/ that I changed he number of the chapters. I kept rewriting things and it got longer so after splitting everything properly, the fic should be 35 chapters long. Once again I am sorry for the wait and I hope the update was worth it all.

Kouyou’s mind was blank as he slowly stirred awake. A gentle flow of air came from above, caressing the strands of hair resting on his cheek and the tickle he felt slowly prompted him to open his eyes. The light filtering through the room wasn’t soft and it didn’t give Kouyou the expected pain in his temples. He rested into the morning bliss of his half-asleep state and quickly took note of his surroundings as he slowly came to his senses.

He was delighted to confirm that he was still resting in the prince’s arms, his face buried in the crook of Yuu’s neck, while the boy’s gentle hands kept him close and in place with their gentle embrace. Kouyou had remained laying on top of the prince through the night and Yuu’s soft breaths brushed at the blond’s hair now, while his chest rose and fell at a calm pace. The fact the prince had stayed and granted Kouyou with the peace his nerves and heart needed, had Kouyou smiling to himself.

Their position on the bed was almost comforting enough to coax Kouyou back into a deep slumber, but then….his eyes landed on the clock sitting on his nightstand and his eyes widened in shock.

Kouyou’s entire body jolted, the pain in his bruised back resurfacing with a burning intensity, startling Yuu out of his slumber as well. The prince’s hands released Kouyou’s frame and the blond was able to lift himself on his elbows and take a look at the young man.

The moment Yuu opened his eyes and his gaze landed on Kouyou’s dazed one, the soldier took a moment to simply stare and observe the young prince. Yuu was beautiful in his sleepy state, his hair splayed on the pillow under his head. His lips looked dry, void of the moisture that Kouyou’s own would gladly grant him if only the blond would take the chance. He couldn’t ignore the clock on his nightstand though, and despite how much he wanted to stay and bask in the warmth their bodies exchanged, Kouyou had to pull them back to reality.

“It’s ten o'clock,” he whispered and Yuu shivered. His body tensed up and the prince took a sharp breath, looking around and spotting the same clock Kouyou had checked first thing when he woke up. 

Yuu’s eyes widened in panic. 

Kouyou wasn’t surprised when Yuu pushed him off himself and he jumped out of the bed in a hurry. The soldier was still in a haze when the prince reached the door but halted in his tracks as something made him turn around and near the bed again.

When Yuu crawled back for a quick peck on Kouyou’s lips, the soldier froze stunned to his spot, unable to breathe as he fell into shock.

His face flared up instantly and he silently watched the prince leave after that, with the door slamming shut behind him and startling Kouyou out of his sudden daze.

The soldier quickly followed suit and prepared for the day at lightning speed. They were late for Yuu’s morning routine already and Kouyou was sure the empress would be irate. He didn’t care much however because that woman wasn’t a threat to him anymore. 

He no longer feared her wrath and prepared for the day not letting anything to ruin his unexpectedly good mood...not when he was still feeling so giddy and so overwhelmed by the recent events. The memory of Yuu’s lips against his was still very prominent in his mind. Thanks to that, his blush refused to leave his face, even when he was finally dressed in his uniform and ready to start his day.

They left their chambers in a hurry and Yuu’s pace was fast, occasionally speeding up as they walked down the corridors and finally neared the room where the empress awaited them. She didn’t miss the chance to comment on their delay. Still, her remarks didn’t affect the blond and he quickly brushed it all off, not giving a damn that they were late for whatever she had planned for the day. Kouyou decided to focus on the prince instead and he watched him from afar, turning his gaze away when Yuu was about to change clothes and returning his attention to him as the prince’s hair and makeup were being done.

Kouyou was oddly happy with himself and how modest he was acting around the young man, despite how much he wished to look at him as he undressed, especially now more than ever before. But he didn’t.

The memory of everything that Yuu had granted him the previous night didn’t leave his thoughts even now, under the scrutinizing gaze of the empress. He knew she was still mad over the incident with her eldest daughter and was probably waiting for any sort of weakness to resurface on the soldier’s face. Despite his back still burning from the lashes, he had received the previous day, Kouyou’s pride wouldn't allow him to show any sign of weakness and he knew that it was just a test on the empress’ end. He hoped that by now there would be no doubt in her mind, about whether or not he was loyal or deathly devoted to the young prince.

The questions that still spiralled in his head, managed to distract him briefly, but the soldier pushed those aside as well. He couldn’t delve into these darker thoughts just yet. He hadn’t felt so happy and appreciated in a while, and he wanted to bask in the memories of Yuu‘s kind touch and gentle kiss.

When Yuu was done, Kouyou was stunned yet again by the beautiful image of the prince. Today his hair fell freely down his back, cascading down his shoulders and Kouyou had to swallow the lump forming in his throat. He almost felt guilty for having touched the young man in the sinful ways he did the previous night. He wasn’t sure if he deserved that intimacy just yet and in fact… he wasn’t sure he ever would.

When the empress finally dismissed them, Kouyou didn’t miss the way Yuu threw a short glance at him, smirking at the soldier with a wink, that sent chills down his spine. Kouyou had almost forgotten how teasing the prince could be when he was calm and feeling secure. He would never forget the first time he witnessed the young man’s temper or the first time he gave him a wink full of the same charms that almost stunned him just like he did now.

The soldier knew his feelings had grown far too deep for him to bear, but there was no going back from it now as he felt happy in the clarity of it all. He was no longer confused or troubled by his emotions. Despite how forbidden they were, Kouyou knew his feelings were pure and nothing could take them away from him now.

As they went on with their routine, their day was spent in the tranquillity of the gardens, where Yuu and Takanori played chess in peace and had their lunch and dinner served as well. Yuu’s sisters didn't dare to approach them this time, despite the girls having appeared a few times before for a quick walk in the fresh air. Kouyou felt satisfaction warm him from inside out. His pride had been restored to levels that had him overlooking the pain in his back entirely, barely noticing it even as he moved around. It was nothing compared to the happiness that kept washing over him wave after wave.

There was one thing he noticed though and as the hours kept passing by, it became more apparent to the point that it began to irritate the soldier, despite the warm feelings engulfing his heart. Yuu hadn’t granted him a soft look or a smile ever since they had arrived in the gardens. Takanori’s presence seemed to be the only thing the prince cared for right now and the blond was starting to feel neglected… a feeling he detested and couldn’t cope with, no matter how hard he tried. His face remained intact but the soldier was a horrible liar even in his silent state. His body language had failed him before, not just once. Even Akira had to have noticed the blond’s irritation with the shorter prince, so the soldier tried his best to avoid the other guard’s gaze. It was difficult because Kouyou’s awareness was on edge, observing every corner of their surroundings with suspicion and that included the other guard as well.

It was already close to Yuu’s curfew by now and the soldier was so overwhelmed by his newfound anger towards the current situation that he had begun to avoid looking at the prince. Silently giving him the same sort of neglect— or something close to it perhaps. He didn’t know how much time had passed until he felt the cool evening air send chills run down his bruised back.

When he finally glanced at the prince, as was his unbreakable habit, he noticed he was staring back. His eyes weren't full of glee or the cheerfulness he used to express every time they were around Takanori as of late. They were full of worry and seemed troubled by something Kouyou couldn’t quite understand, but it made him feel a pang of guilt all the same.

“Yuu.” Takanori’s voice pulled the prince out of his daze and Yuu was quick to return his attention back toward him while smiling warmly once again. “Did you hear my question?”

Something in the blond’s voice stirred Kouyou’s insides in an unpleasant way. He was obviously displeased with the lack of attention Yuu was giving him but the prince was quick to use his charms and get away with it with a kind smile on his face.

“I was thinking that maybe we could have dinner in my room tomorrow. Have some privacy for once. We haven’t done that since we were kids. What do you think? The guardians could wait outside.”

As soon as the last sentence left the prince’s mouth Kouyou was speaking up himself with irritation reigniting in his chest.

“I am sorry your highness, but I am afraid that I can’t disobey my orders under any circumstances. I shall enter and stay in your chambers as long as the prince is there.”

That brought a taunting smirk on Takanori’s face.

“That isn’t necessary. Yuu has a long history of guards, quite devoted ones and yet failing their one simple task. I am not saying you’ll follow in their steps, but...Yuu knows that as long as he is with me, no harm will come to him. His last guard is a perfect example of that one fact.”

The blond prince certainly had a way with words, because once again Kouyou was baffled and frozen in his spot. He felt he was being taunted and it made his breath halt in his chest— his eyes seeking answers immediately as he turned to the raven who was now avoiding his gaze.

“You seem confused,” Takanori commented on the soldier’s change of state and Kouyou took a moment to collect himself before he retorted back.

“I am afraid I don’t know what you are talking about your highness.”

The smile that appeared on the prince’s face was almost insulting— full of satisfaction.

“His last guard was just as devoted as you. A young soldier as all of the previous men who had been assigned to protect Yuu in the past. This one, however, went too far and fell far too deep for the prince. He became obsessed to a point Yuu had to reject him, but the prince has a soft heart and felt sympathy towards that man. He kept trusting the guard despite the lines he had already crossed. The moment he tried to threaten Yuu’s purity and life while taking advantage of his blind trust, I was there to protect him... and put an end to the man at once.”

When Takanori finished his last sentence, Kouyou felt immense anger and sadness grip at his heart. It was like a clawed animal that had been asleep in his chest all these while and was suddenly summoned, ready to hurt him, shred him and turn him into another pile of torn emotions.

His mind was analyzing each word the blond prince had just said. Desperately trying to develop theories that might soothe his aching heart, but he found it to be impossible after the same realisation kept hitting him with an intensity that he just couldn’t fight or survive.

It all must’ve evident on his face because Takanori was clearing his throat and drawing everyone’s attention back on himself.

“I am surprised, you didn’t know. I thought you were favored around here.”

Takanori’s last words came as a blow to Kouyou’s ego. His breathing halted as fought to maintain his composure but then a noise from where Yuu was seated pulled him out of the state.

The prince had suddenly stood up. There was an apologetic smile on his face. He looked at Takanori as he stared back slightly confused. It took him only a couple of seconds for the realization to hit him and there was another gentle smile pursing his lips before he spoke.

“Curfew?”

Yuu nodded and walked over to Kouyou, who was still frozen in his spot. He didn’t even realize the atmosphere had changed and that they were supposed to leave.

“Are you going to think about my proposal?” Takanori asked and followed suit, standing up and walking over to Yuu, who still had that familiar smile on his face. The one Kouyou knew too well by now. A smile of the prince’s which held so much appreciation, despite how hollow Yuu’s eyes looked at times.

The prince nodded and Takanori’s smile was sickening as it grew wider on his face.

“Perfect. Let me know once you decide.”

Yuu was quick to nod in response and respectfully bowed for the guest prince, excusing himself for the night. He turned and was ready to leave when Takanori cleared his throat and Yuu froze in his tracks.

“Have you forgotten something Yuu?”

The way Takanori’s words were spoken, made Kouyou shiver slightly in his spot. His rage was slowly resurfacing as the claws of his jealousy began to grip at him. He knew exactly what was about to happen now, as the shorter prince had been pretty suggestive in his words and actions ever since the day he had arrived. 

Kouyou didn’t want to look, but when Yuu turned around with his wide smile and bright eyes back on his face, the soldier couldn’t even dare move and avert his gaze.

He was so confused by his prince now, as Yuu looked genuine when he walked back to Takanori to bid him good night. The embrace only lasted a moment, but for the blond it felt like hours of agonising torture. His memories of Yuu’s warmth and touch had suddenly turned painful, Kouyou didn’t know if he wished for them to be erased or not. They were something he held onto the entire day and now it all seemed hollow and wrong. The reality of where he stood had hit him sooner and harder than he had expected. In that fleeting moment of kindness that the two princes exchanged, it almost crushed him. It was a wake-up call, one that Kouyou wasn’t prepared for.

When Yuu turned around and walked away, Kouyou didn’t follow immediately, as it took some time for the soldier to come back to his senses and remember his duties. It earned him a look from Akira and yet...when Kouyou threw a last glance at Takanori, he noticed the younger’s stern gaze was fixed— not on himself but the other guardian instead.

It gave Kouyou a weird feeling, however, the strange feeling was quickly forgotten as soon as he exited the gardens and followed his prince in the silence of the corridors they treaded through.

Kouyou didn’t speak or make a sound, but Yuu wasn’t looking for interaction either. He didn’t turn around to look at his protector even once and for some reason, the blond felt strangely irritated and disturbed by that fact alone. He was mostly angry at himself for being so naive and stupid— trusting his impulsive heart and failing to open his eyes for the reality of it all. His feelings had been dangerous all along and it was all his fault that he was experiencing the disillusionment he was suffering right now. 

When they entered the lobby to their chambers, Kouyou noticed Yuu was still avoiding eye contact. He didn’t wait for Kouyou to look around the premises and followed the blond once he stepped inside his room. It disturbed the soldier greatly and he looked down at the prince, desperate for some sort of reaction but such never came.

Yuu was so cryptic now with his gaze lowered and slouched shoulders. He looked so upset and worried that it only gave Kouyou more of the same anxiety he’d been suffering every time he saw the prince so troubled in the past.

The silence surrounding them was so tense and the air so thick, Kouyou thought he might suffocate.

It took a moment before Yuu took a small breath and finally turned around. Kouyou was confused at first, but then he saw the prince wasn’t moving and was simply waiting for something….or him. It dawned on the blond that he was being urged to get on with his duties and for a moment Kouyou felt angry.

He bit his lower lip and took a quick glance at Yuu’s room scanning it thoroughly with his eyes and noting that everything was still in its place. It was then he faced Yuu’s back again and took a small breath of his own, before taking a step closer and reaching to the knots of the obi he was supposed to undo.

A moment passed until his fingers stopped trembling and he was able to do his task with ease. His mind drifted elsewhere and his thoughts were invaded by memories, that he failed to suppress. All the times he had done this before, he never missed to steal a touch or two from the other’s shoulders and waist, heavily clothed but so private and unexplored before by another hand. But the more he knew about this place and its secrets, Kouyou began to realise he was a fool. A very naive soul that disregarded all the knowledge it held for people’s minds and hearts. It was all of life’s experiences that had allowed Kouyou to read the signs of danger easily many times in the past. 

It all failed him now, as he found himself in the trap of his own feelings that kept torturing him as he continued to undo the knots of Yuu’s obi, one by one and with a dreadful pinch to his heart.

Once the last layer and belt were discarded from the younger’s waist, Kouyou took a step back but was caught off guard by the prince as he spun around to face him again.

This time Yuu’s eyes bored straight into Kouyou’s and the soldier felt trapped in the prince’s gaze. He found that he was unable to move— hypnotized by those dark orbs which used to make him feel calm and secure in the past, but now he felt so pressured and cornered by the expectations radiating from them.

The feeling was so intense and almost too much for the soldier to bare.

It was then that Yuu reached up and Kouyou’s heart skipped a beat as the prince’s hand landed on Kouyou’s cheek.

A familiar comfort began to seep through his skin down to his core but Kouyou withdrew from the prince.

When their gazes met again, Kouyou saw pain in Yuu’s eyes.

The soldier felt so unsettled right then, he simply followed his instincts and made a rushed attempt to leave the room and escape into his own. He was stopped by Yuu’s hand however, as the prince’s palm clashed with the door before Kouyou even had a chance to open it.

They remained frozen and not daring to move, both of them so close and yet so far from one another. It was enough for Kouyou to feel the other’s breath brushing at his hair, every time he exhaled, and the chills he felt down his skin, made him suffocate.

“Let me go.”

More silence followed afterwards and Kouyou watched as Yuu’s fingers trembled against the wood of the door, slowly closing into a fist until his knuckles turned white.

“What do you want from me?” Kouyou asked then but regretted it almost immediately.

As if, in a poor attempt to answer Kouyou’s question, Yuu’s next action was nothing more but a touch to his shoulder. The younger’s palm brushed at Kouyou’s muscle through the fabric with tender kindness, easing its tension and almost bringing the desired comfort the soldier's body craved. It was a suggestive touch nonetheless filled with affection that the blond desired with his entire being. But it was also just as forbidden and wrong as it has always been. That realization was still so painful every time it resurfaced in the blond’s mind and he found that he couldn’t avoid all that came with it anymore. Maybe now was his chance to explain it to the both of them and hopefully save their souls, before it was too late. Maybe the pain he felt wasn’t in vain, despite the outcome of today’s events. Kouyou could use it as a weapon and a shield, instead of letting it turn into a weakness that would only serve to pull him down. Despite how low he felt already by simply wanting for  _ them _ to be.

But there was no them. There were only Kouyou and his duty to protect a prince.

So when he finally turned around to face Yuu, his words were harsh and spilt in a rush— his voice almost trembling from the emotions he’d unleashed on the inside.

“Is this a game? Is this what you always do? Did you play it with everyone else before me?” he merely paused for a second as his anger rose higher and higher “Your precious Takanori is there to get rid of everyone once you lose interest isn’t that right?”

A shove to his chest sent him into the door behind him and Kouyou’s back hit the wood with a loud bang. The pain that surged through his entire body made him hiss and growl. His vision blurred as he felt the skin on his shoulder blades getting bruised all over again. His mind went blank for a second as only the pain in his body existed and almost made him crash to the floor. His eyes were teary but Yuu’s hands were there to hold his face suddenly with the most tender care. Kouyou felt strong and healed by the same thing he had to fully deny, refuse and turn down.

The prince looked terrified now, realising what he had just done, but it was already too late. Kouyou was at a loss for breath, but it didn’t take him long before he composed himself once again. He withdrew from Yuu’s kindness all over again, but this time, he didn’t speak with anger but with a defeated tone and a trembling heart.

“I am tired of this.” he breathed out and Yuu’s glassy eyes simply stared back, confused, scared, and maybe even a little frightened by Kouyou’s sudden change that the prince probably had never seen before. “I am tired of this silence. I am tired of these secrets. Every time I feel we are getting close I’m pushed, miles away and have to run the distance back. I am tired.”

He stopped talking and took a sharp breath, but Yuu’s expression was full of things the soldier never expected to see on the younger’s face. It brought him even greater pain and his honest thoughts slowly spilt through a painful whisper of regret.

“That’s all we’ll ever be, isn’t it. There may be an us when there’s no one looking, but I’ll have to watch everyone take advantage of you the rest of the time and without being able to do anything to stop it.”

Yuu’s fingers trembled against his skin and Kouyou forced a smile. Despite that, his next words were meant to break him once and for all.

“You can’t have me. If you can’t give yourself to me first, then you can never have me.”

It was then, Kouyou felt Yuu’s hands slowly release his face from their calming warmth. The prince took a small step back and he looked so defeated and confused, as he finally averted his gaze and avoided Kouyou’s own.

The soldier didn’t waste any more time and he didn’t wait for a reaction from Yuu either. He quickly turned around and left the prince’s room, only to seek solace in his own room. Yuu didn’t dare to seek him out that night and Kouyou’s sleep was agonising with the nightmares that tortured his subconscious. The blond didn’t notice when the dark-haired prince walked inside his room in the middle of the night and left something on the bed beside him.

It was the one thing Yuu treasured and protected at all costs. It held all of his secrets and desires. A prince’s inner world splayed on sheets of paper, that his protector secretly took a glance at only once before... when  _ them _ was just a mere fantasy in both of their lonely minds. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok now, I tried to make this chapter as intense as I could and honestly... can't wait to hear your thoughts guys, bc I've been nervous about this one ah... I really hope you liked it.  
> Thank you again my lovely @IdiocyxAngst for the hard work on betaing this chapter, you amazing precious human being
> 
> wish y'all an amazing week ahead.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again my cutie pies, I am sorry again for the wait   
> life caught up on us both with my beta but we back  
> I really hope you guys will enjoy this chapter... It's extra long and I hope it'll be a satisfying update in the end

“I can’t accept it.”

Kouyou’s whisper cut through the silence of the room, startling Yuu, who was still in shock after letting his protector step inside that morning.

Kouyou was holding Yuu’s diary carefully in his hands, as he silently begged for the young man to take it back. The prince didn’t move, however, and remained motionless in his spot. He simply stood, staring back at the confused blond, who was still so disturbed and troubled by what was happening. The mystery behind Yuu’s actions had put him in distress the moment he’d found the object neatly placed next to him on his bed.

The fact that the sacred journal had been granted to him, despite his own actions and how he had rejected the prince the previous day, made the blond feel extremely guilty and unworthy, not only because of his mistakes but also because he’d already taken a glance at its contents once before. It had been an act of desperation at the time. Kouyou’s heart had been lost and in need of answers. It was a brief glance nonetheless, raising more questions than answers in fact. But, it was still a sort of betrayal towards the one person Kouyou truly cared for and wanted to stay loyal to, till the end. 

Yuu’s trust was something he seemed to have gained on his own and it felt so futile for him to bask in it now. Especially now that he felt like he was taking advantage of it all.

And if he was honest with himself, he’d admit that he had been doing exactly that for a while now.

Kouyou took pride in everything he did for the prince. He craved for the attention that his forbidden feelings made him long for and chase, and yet...he wasn’t sure he deserved any of it now. Not after he’d been reminded of that one slip up— the way he’d betrayed his beloved prince’s trust by peeking into the journal in the past. Treason he’d never commit again if he was given a second chance.

What was done, however, was already done and there was no going back. The guilt burning the soldier’s insides was well deserved, as well as the wounding glare Yuu was sending his way.

Yuu looked hurt and so disappointed. He bit his lower lip a second later and averted his gaze, avoiding Kouyou’s own in an attempt to ground himself as his body shivered with regret. He seemed defeated as well, a state that Kouyou hated to see on the younger’s face. One that brought even greater pain to the soldier’s chest as felt tense from all the guilt radiating from there.

But he just couldn't admit to the prince what he had done. He couldn’t bring himself to confess. He couldn’t take another look at the pages either, despite being granted permission to do so now.He despised himself for that betrayal and for hurting the prince, by rejecting his act of trust in the midst of all the hurt and all that was unclear between their hearts. Kouyou’s mind was already set.

“I can’t read it. Please take it back” Kouyou said with a soft voice, urging the young man to take the diary once again. But Yuu never reached for it. Never touched the object as he was asked.

Instead, the prince threw another glare in the soldier's direction, slowly passed him, and left the room, mocking the blond with his stubbornness for the hundredth time.

Kouyou wasn’t surprised so he quickly placed the journal on Yuu’s bed, before exiting the room and following the prince through the lobby of their chambers alongside him.

They quickly turned right, headed to the Empress’ chambers for their well-known routine. Yuu only took a couple more steps before he suddenly froze in his tracks, prompting Kouyou to do the same. The soldier sensed a sudden change in the younger’s posture. Yuu seemed to be unsettled by something. Whatever it was, it prevented him from taking another step, silently opposing their hateful routine. His profile was barely visible from where Kouyou stood behind him, but the soldier was able to clearly see the dilemma written on Yuu’s face.

His breathing became irregular. He seemed confused by his own thoughts as if he was battling with himself. Kouyou tried to read into his inner turmoil but failed. 

Yuu nervously turned around and took a brief glance at his guardian. Kouyou worried as he pondered what had caused the younger’s change of state, but he didn’t dare ask as the moment lasted for only a few seconds.

Suddenly Yuu moved passed him and walked in the opposite direction of his mother’s chambers, Kouyou was surprised to see the prince go against his daily routine.

“Your Highness?” he called for the young man— concern projected through his voice. The prince didn’t even flinch and sped up his pace instead.

The soldier was confused as he finally caught up to the prince and trailed behind him as they continued farther away from the empress and closer to the dining room instead where the royal family was gathered for breakfast.

The only person missing among the nobles was the empress, and Kouyou felt cold sweat appear on his forehead. He was afraid and still so confused by Yuu’s actions, not sure what they were doing here and why they hadn’t gone to the empress as they normally would. He remembered the last time Yuu disobeyed his mother and the memory of the slap he witnessed quickly flashed before his eyes. It only made him feel worse and concerned for the prince. He knew this would undoubtedly turn the woman into madness once she found that the prince had totally broken their morning routine today.

The thing that bothered him even more, was the unknown reason why Yuu was doing this in the first place. Was it a sort of rebellion against Kouyou himself? Was he trying to get back at him for the soldier’s disobedience and all the things he had said and done that hurt the young man the previous night? Kouyou knew the prince well. Yuu didn’t have the same character that most of the royals possessed. The fact he had protected Kouyou and took care of him in the past spoke volumes of the type of bond they shared. Hence, Kouyou refused to believe Yuu was doing it on purpose and with the intentions to bring harm to his guardian, and cause him trouble all the same.

No, Yuu wasn’t like this and Kouyou feared there was something bigger going on right now, otherwise the prince wouldn’t take such a risk, especially not when their most treasured guest was present at all times.

Takanori was smiling wide when Yuu finally claimed the seat on the opposite side of the table. His glee was so vivid and sickening that Kouyou’s anger and jealousy reignited within him. It distracted him briefly and he managed to concentrate on the blond prince, instead of his other thoughts that kept swirling at the back of his mind.

“Good morning, Yuu,” he said with a sweet voice, that made Kouyou’s insides stir unpleasantly again.

The soldier noticed the entire royal family was watching them now. A surprise was written on their faces, obviously shocked by Yuu’s sudden appearance in the room. As far as Kouyou remembered, Yuu never had breakfast in this hall. He was either in his own chambers or spending his mornings with the empress while her servants fixed him up. 

His royal uniform was a big contrast to the clothes he used to wear for the other prince, but Kouyou liked and prefered Yuu like this a lot more. The uniform always hugged Yuu’s frame in the most pleasant ways, showing his beautiful build and small waist, which Kouyou loved to admire from afar. Yuu was such a beautiful man, the soldier couldn’t help but admire every one of his features.

“Did you sleep well, my little brother?” Die spoke all of a sudden, his casual words quickly softening the tension that had filled the room.

Yuu quickly glanced at him and nodded with his trademark smile before lowering his gaze and letting that same smile slowly fade away.

“You look beautiful, Yuu” Takanori commented and there was another smile and another nod from Yuu.

Kouyou couldn’t believe how difficult it had suddenly become for him to put up with it all. His hands balled into fists in response and he was forced to hide them behind his back while maintaining a stoic face and suppressing his jealousy once again.

It was then the door behind him opened and the soldier heard very familiar steps approaching. When he saw the Empress appear, she was staring at her son with the most heated glare Kouyou had seen on her face. She was fast to reach her chair next to the emperor and even then, her gaze didn’t soften up. Yuu, however, was avoiding looking at his mother at all cost, staring at the cup of tea in front of him and not lifting his gaze even once.

Kouyou was becoming anxious as he waited for a scene to take place, or for the empress to show her rage on her son… but it didn’t happen.

“I am sorry for my son’s insolence, your highness.” she turned to Takanori, but that only made the blond prince smile wider. “Yuu probably forgot that he shouldn’t appear in such formal clothing in front of such an important guest...”

“He’s stunning,” Takanori exclaimed and it quickly shut the empress, as she opened her mouth to voice her objection, but no sound escaped her lips. She looked startled, confused, and angry and that made Kouyou feel strangely satisfied with the scene in front of him. Unfortunately, that satisfaction didn’t last very long.

“I love your hair like this Yuu,” Takanori spoke turning his attention back on the raven prince. “You should wear it like this, falling freely, more often.”

And there they were, the hateful smile and the nod that Kouyou had seen so many times in response to the blond prince’s compliments.

This was getting harder to handle with each moment that passed.

There were a few more comments made afterwards, discussing the morning and the weather outside until the servants appeared in the room and brought huge plates with food for the Royals’ breakfast. Kouyou watched from afar, simply observing and taking a few quick glances at Akira who stood next to his prince and seemed just as concentrated on every move or sound in the room, as Kourou was.

Kouyou didn’t notice any threats and remained in his spot, but was quick to furrow his eyebrows, when he saw that no food was served to his prince. It made him slightly irritated, especially when everyone prepared to eat and the servants seemed to be withdrawing from the table as the breakfast appeared to be served.

Kouyou didn’t remain in his spot and slowly approached the servants to fetch a plate for Yuu. The soldier felt everyone’s eyes on him, penetrating his back, as he carefully picked the prince’s favorites, gathering them in the small dish and walking back.

As soon as he placed the plate in front of Yuu, there was a snort to the side and Kouyou quickly straightened up and glanced at Takanori, who seemed to be quite amused and entertained by what was happening before him.

“You’ve been here for a while, but you aren’t very clever, are you?” Takanori mocked the blond soldier, and Kouyou’s face heated up. “Yuu doesn’t eat breakf— ”

His words were cut short, the moment Yuu lifted his fork and slowly took a bite from his food. Kouyou watched how the blond prince froze and tensed up, his eyes void of his previous glee and fixed on the raven prince, who chewed in silence, before taking another bite….and another…

With each second that passed, Takanori seemed to be more and more confused by what he was seeing. He seemed startled and shocked, helpless even— irritated by his own confusion as he failed to understand how this was possible. Everyone at the table seemed to share the same feelings and Kouyou noticed how shocked they all were, watching their prince eat so peacefully with grace and without hesitation.

Kouyou felt proud at that moment of what he and Yuu had become… without the familiar regret or guilt eating him inside.

“I’m impressed.” the cold voice of the emperor echoed throughout the silent room, and the empress quickly rose up from her chair, rather abruptly and sending it screeching against the floor. She angrily turned around and left the room soon after, not even sparing a glance in Kouyou’s direction, who couldn't help but watch her leave with piqued interest.

When his gaze returned to Takanori again, the soldier saw the blond prince was staring back. There was so much anger in the prince’s eyes, Kouyou was certain he saw sparks of hate. He didn’t mind it though, as he knew that whatever the guest prince was going through was well deserved.

Kouyou claimed his victory over this battle, but the war was yet to be won.

**********

It was no surprise for Kouyou when Takanori insisted on a walk later that day. He seemed to be too entranced by Yuu in his formal clothing, stealing touches and being more suggestive in his advances than ever. Kouyou had to bite his lips several times that day, almost bruising them to a point where an iron taste broke into his mouth. 

The blond prince was too enchanted by the idea of them. He’d suggested having a horse ride in the woods and Yuu agreed as soon as the idea was brought up. Takanori didn’t miss the chance to shower Yuu with compliments throughout their ride. His chatterbox kept pouring more and more of the annoying stories of places he had visited abroad. Kouyou noticed Yuu wasn’t paying attention like he used to. It made him feel cautious and slightly nervous, wondering what exactly was going on. The prince was more focused on their surroundings, instead of his guest, and the soldier saw him stealing glances of himself, more than once throughout their horse ride. When they got fairly deep inside the forest, Kouyou began to notice their surroundings seemed quite familiar to him. The ground was mushy and he felt like he had been here before. The moment they passed a broken tree and a meadow to the side, Kouyou realised where they were and his breath halted in his chest.

He was quick to throw a worried look at Yuu, but the boy seemed calm, throwing him a stern gaze back that spoke of nothing but a determination to the blond. When the raven prince slowed down his horse, Kouyou saw him slowly disappearing behind him. He didn’t dare to look back, nor made a sound to alert Takanori and Akira, that something was wrong. Takanori was still talking, completely oblivious to the fact that his companion was no longer by his side. Kouyou felt slightly giddy and so evil, watching it from where he was at the back, but Somehow he knew that he had to keep his mouth shut. He knew what Yuu’s looks meant and he almost felt suffocated as a realization hit him soon after. The game that seemed to unfold before him excited him greatly and yet no matter how conflicted he felt, Kouyou was gonna play his role, whatever it was.

“What do you think, Yuu?” Takanori asked all of a sudden and when he looked back and didn’t find Yuu, his sickening smile was wiped off and replaced by worry. Kouyou almost felt guilty for liking Takanori’s change of state.

“Where is he?” Takanori’s voice was full of distress and all three of them began to look around, while Kouyou gave his best efforts into faking a worried expression as well.

“He was right behind me,” he spoke low and that made Takanori glare at him.

“You don't’ seem to be worried about your master. Isn’t your job to watch him?”

Kouyou was indeed a bad liar and he knew that faking distress and worry would do him no good. Hence a lie was necessary and he quickly came up with the one that seemed the most harmless in his mind.

“His Highness has done this before. We should split up and find him.” Kouyou simply stated and for a moment he thought that Takanori would punch him.

The blond prince, however, didn’t dare to do anything, but simply bit his lip and took a final look around them. It was pointless nonetheless because Kouyou already knew where the prince had gone.

It took a moment for the blond prince to finally decide what he wanted to do, and when he looked at Kouyou again, his eyes were fairly suspicious and full of apprehension.

“Any idea, where he might’ve gone?”

“No.”

That was the fastest lie Kouyou had ever mustered in his life, but strangely to him, he felt no regrets, only satisfaction when Takanori didn’t dare to retort back.

“So be it then,” he said and nodded in Akira’s direction. “Whoever finds him, should go back to the castle. It’ll get late soon and we shouldn’t stay in the forests after dark.”

After they exchanged looks of silent agreement, Kouyou waited for them to split from him first. When he was sure they were headed in the wrong direction, Kouyou found the small path, that was supposed to lead him to another meadow in the forest. He silently followed the sounds, that were imprinted in his memory by now and it didn’t take him long to reach the place he was searching for. After passing a few more broken trees, he was able to catch the faint sounds of running water in the distance. 

Kouyu followed the sound faithfully and soon after he ended up at another meadow, one that he remembered quite vividly in his mind. There was a small river passing on his right and a small incline on his left. Seeing it for a second time after so long sent chills down Kouyou’s spine. A faint sting spread at the back of his head, one that reminded him of a bruise he once had, of the time when he could’ve ended up dead if it wasn’t for the prince who saved his life. It was then he noticed Yuu’s horse standing in the middle of the colorful grass, but his master was nowhere to be seen.

It gave Kouyou a small pang in his chest and he quickly jumped off his horse, taking a few steps and nervously searching for his prince with worried eyes.

The place was just as calm and beautiful as he remembered it to be, the sounds of the running water easing up the tension in his mind. He didn’t know that the place would mean so much to him eventually and he felt submerged by his memories and enticed by the emotions that awoke in him.

He didn’t have a chance to delve into these feelings for too long because he felt another bout of familiar tinges run down his spine. Someone was watching him again, and the soldier didn’t have to guess who it was.

“Why are we here?” he asked with a tired voice, as he slowly turned around and spotted Yuu’s figure standing next to the horses this time.

Kouyou felt instantly intimidated by Yuu’s scrutinizing gaze and yet he didn’t avert his eyes, nor dared to make another sound. He opted to observe the prince instead, study him, observe his expressions and gestures, hoping that it would tell him more about what was happening and why the soldier was lured here in the first place.

He felt oddly pressured by his memories, and also cornered in the way Yuu was watching him, so unreadable and not giving away any signs of what was forming in his mind.

Kouyou felt somewhat intimidated by it, but he couldn’t just get back on the horse and leave. Not until he found the real reason why they were here and what stood behind Yuu’s cryptic behavior.

“We should go back.” the soldier said in a lame attempt to avoid staying here for longer than they should. He was too afraid of the influence Yuu already had on him, and the place alone seemed to drain most of the confidence Kouyou had. He felt helpless in an odd and unfamiliar way, which sent him into panic once Yuu moved and approached him with slow steps.

The fact the prince’s eyes remained focused on him, made the soldier too cautious and his instincts made him take a step back.

It was uncharacteristic of Kouyou to act so vulnerable and the soldier felt amused by his own actions. Yuu seemed to be puzzled himself and the young man halted in his tracks, frowning at his guardian and throwing him a questioning look.

And at that moment Kouyou felt like he was losing his grip, too afraid to move and too frightened by the fact that Yuu was already affecting him in the worst ways.

He shouldn’t have allowed this in the first place. He shouldn't have followed the prince.

When Yuu moved again and finally got close enough, he tried to reach for Kouyou’s face, but the soldier quickly withdrew back.

“Stop it.” he breathed and it made Yuu frееze, confusion written in his dark orbs. His eyes locked on the soldier as Kouyou stood still, unsure of what to do and patiently waiting for the prince’s next move.

When Yuu tried to reach for his face again, Kouyou’s body tensed up and anger boiled inside his chest.

“I was quite clear last night, why are u so stubborn all the time?” he spat and Yuu froze in his tracks yet again, only this time, there was hurt and apprehension in his orbs. “I am done with this don’t you understand?”

Another pause.

Despite that Kouyou didn’t expect anything but silence from the prince, something in him almost broke when Yuu didn’t even react to his words. His eyes seemed so confused as if the prince himself wasn’t prepared for their secret meeting in the woods.

And by the way that his eyes kept staring back full of confusion and expectations, a hurtful realization hit Kouyou as his breathing halted yet again.

“Did you think...that bringing me here will erase our titles? It won’t matter where I stand and who I am back in the castle?”

Yuu’s eyes widened while he took a sharp breath and Kouyou saw that his words were indeed true and he was right.

Here was the place, when Kouyou spoke to the prince as if they were equal for the first time. It was the same place where they made their first sacrifices for one another. Here, they shared the same obstacles and fears when there was only them and nature that tried to bring them down. They were just humans fighting for survival, ready to do anything to keep the other alive.

The thought alone made Kouyou so angry and he began to realise how helpless he really was. He felt tricked and oddly betrayed by the prince, who brought him here to weaken him and maybe even force him into submission, despite that he already had made up his mind.

It was even worse for the blond to realise that the prince’s plan was working.

“You have my body already.” he rose his voice and took a step forward. “I will gladly give my life for you. Stop being greedy and try to claim my soul as well.”

And just like that time, Kouyou felt free of their titles once again, ignoring the painful throbbing in his chest as well as the liquid pooling at the corners of the younger’s eyes.

“I despise myself for allowing that kiss, don’t make me hate you for it too.”

As soon as those words spilt from his mouth, Kouyou averted his gaze and quickly walked back to their horses. His steps were heavy and full of dread, but the soldier tried to appear as strong and nonchalant as possible. It was a mistake to come here, but it was also a decision he made on his own accord. Yuu may have tempted him, but it was he who allowed himself into being tricked. He knew that meeting the prince outside the castle wouldn’t have a good end, but he did not know that it would bring him that much pain. Despite trying to hide his emotions, Kouyou couldn’t ease his heart. Not even when he climbed back on his horse and took a glance at the prince, who hadn’t moved an inch.

“It’s time to go back,” he said coldly, and Yuu flinched.

It made Kouyou feel so guilty for his words and actions, it almost ruined his facade as he watched the prince turn around and walk back to his horse.

The silence surrounding them was oddly loud, as Kouyou was able to hear every move of Yuu’s. Every time he made a step closer and every time his clothes shifted as he prepared to climb on the saddle. 

Kouyou expected a silent tantrum or at least an angry look to be thrown at him and yet, when Yuu froze in his spot again, the blond realised that a line had just been crossed.

One of Yuu’s hands was on the horse’s neck, the silky strands of hair captured in his fist, while his knuckles kept turning white.

It didn’t puzzle Kouyou, as the soldier knew the same tension that was breaking the prince, was now breaking him too.

And if Yuu was hurting, Kouyou was hurting as well.

He couldn’t deny how unfair it was, and maybe his words were a bit harsher than he expected them to come off, but Kouyou knew it was their only truth. They couldn’t exist in the way they both probably wanted and wished for. They couldn’t allow it to grow further than what it already was. It was dangerous enough as it was.

And for the hundredth time, as they stood in that same aching silence, Kouyou tried to convince himself that staying away from the prince was their only escape.

Until...Yuu’s frame flinched again and Kouyou’s ears caught on a silent cry.

The soldier was fast as lightning, as he jumped off his horse. His heart was beating fast as if it was on a race. All of his previous worries were wiped out as only Yuu’s feelings mattered and nothing else.

“Yuu...” he called for the prince and it was then, he found himself caught in a tight embrace. It happened so fast, he almost got dizzy, by everything his body felt. Yuu’s hair tickled the side of his jaw, as the prince buried his face in the soldier’s neck. The scents that filled Kouyou’s lungs were delicious and so enticing, just like Yuu himself. It made the soldier tighten his grip around the younger’s waist, while the prince simply remained close, his body flush against Kouyou’s own. The warmth that engulfed the soldier was so familiar and he found that he missed it greatly— craved it despite saying the opposite at the same time.

They were like two broken souls, standing on two different shores as a sea of secrets and intrigues separated them. It was a big ocean, in fact, made of all the things that were wrong and so impossible to chase. Even if their feelings were pure, their worlds were different shades of black. Kouyou knew they should never collide as destruction would follow and neither he or Yuu would survive it all.

“I don’t hate you…” Kouyou breathed and he closed his eyes. His heart quickly fell into rhythm with Yuu’s own and the soldier felt submerged by the waves of intense emotions that quickly washed away all of his fears and replaced them with raw truth and honesty.

Then another whisper left his lips.

“I love you, Yuu.”

The prince’s body trembled against Kouyou’s and the soldier opened his eyes.

As soon as he realised what he had said, his breathing halted and his heart sank. There was fear that spread throughout his body, but then Yuu pulled away and looked at him with the same distress.

He seemed troubled like he was fighting a battle inside his own mind that he himself couldn’t understand. The prince parted his lips as if he was about to speak, but a quick frown took over his face and Yuu was once again out of breath.

It happened again, but no sound left Yuu’s lips and Kouyou was startled yet again. He was able to read through everything that Yuu was showing him right now, and Kouyou knew that the prince wanted to speak, but there were far too many complications that would never allow him to make a sound.

It was their truth once again, of wanting to exist, but not meant to be.

“See….you’ll never be able to answer back, I will never hear what you feel or think. Letting me read your journal, won’t change where I stand either. I was desperate to know what’s inside your head before, but I am not sure I want to know anymore.”

When Kouyou’s last words left his lips, Yuu’s eyes were sad and full of hurt. The prince understood, but his emotions were vivid and tormenting nonetheless. It hurt Kouyou to watch his prince like this and his own emotions reached their peak soon after.

Yuu had always been so pretty, with his deep eyes, and full lips— features of the prince, that he had treasured since the first time they met. A face that held so much emotion and nobility in its beauty, that left Kouyou out of breath each time he had the chance to explore it all from up close. 

He was unable to escape that captivating beauty even now as their faces remained close and only inches apart.

It sent cold waves of forbidden want throughout Kouyou’s entire body, little before the prince leaned in and their noses touched.

“No,” Kouyou whispered and it was enough to stop Yuu, before claiming the soldier’s lips.

Neither of them moved, as seconds passed and hot breaths were exchanged between their parted lips. Kouyou was ready to lose it right then, but their proximity was enough of a trigger for his insecurities to kick in. He didn't believe in  _ them _ , and he couldn’t lie to either of them.

“YUU.”

A call from the woods reached them and the prince was quick to pull away. Their bodies parted so fast, Kouyou’s body almost lost balance as it took a step back. He was breathing fast again, but he was also in panic and so much fear.

Takanori’s voice reached them yet again, and Kouyou managed to take a quick glance at Yuu before the prince turned around and climbed his horse. Kouyou didn’t waste any time and rushed to his horse to do the same, but then he froze in his spot midway as he saw a silhouette in the trees at the back.

The woods were getting darker and the soldier’s vision wasn’t at it’s best, and yet he managed to recognise the masked face of a certain guardian he didn’t expect.

When Kouyou got on his horse and tried to take a better glance at the trees, the silhouette was nowhere to be seen anymore. The soldier tried to call for Yuu, but the prince was already on his way back into the woods and Kouyou had no choice but to suck up the panic rising in his chest and follow him out too.

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sooooooooooooooo, pls guys leave me some feedback I was sweating while writing this chtfro9i;ljk  
> MY BETA IS THE BEST BTW I LOVE HER SO MUCH OMG THANK YOU AGAIN FOR EVERYTHING @IdiocyxAngst  
> Things are going well with editing and all so I really really hope you guys are enjoying the development ah  
> *runs*


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi hi hi!  
> I am back with another update.  
> Enjoy cutie pies.

Chapter 13

Kouyou felt out of breath when he looked up and met the prince’s eyes. They were back in Yuu’s room, the soldier had just finished his check on the premises and he couldn’t wait any longer as the fears clouding his judgement for the past hours, had become unbearable.

“I think someone saw us in the woods.” he breathed and Yuu’s face quickly distorted into worry.

Fear pooled inside the younger’s eyes and it was then the soldier realised he was just as scared, if not even more than the prince.

“I think I saw...Suzuki watching us, behind some trees.” Kouyou kept talking and when his words came to an end, he tried to take a deep breath, but couldn’t.

The distress he was experiencing was more than he could handle, as his mind was chaos he hadn’t felt in years. It was destructive and so uncontrollable, Kouyou feared that he wouldn’t be able to stop himself from falling into panic.

The past few hours had been agonizing, as the masked guardian hadn’t said a word. There wasn’t even a cryptic comment made about what he supposedly saw in the woods. Kouyou expected some revealing remarks to be delivered at any time, but such never came from the other guardian. It all left the soldier in even bigger distress. It was noticed not only by Yuu but the guest prince as well, prompting a few nasty comments to be thrown at Kouyou and shaming him for his lack of attention throughout the rest of their evening that day.

It left Kouyou wondering if he really saw the masked man lurking in the woods. It was even more disturbing to see Akira remain silent for the rest of the evening. He hadn’t given any looks to the distressed soldier and it made it even harder for Kouyou to remain calm.

The torture in his thoughts came to a peak as soon as the soldier and the prince were back in the safety of their chambers. Kouyou couldn’t help it when his walls crumbled and left him vulnerable, scared and confused by the fresh new threats looming over his life.

He couldn’t think straight anymore, only theories of possible outcomes filled his head. Some thoughts were darker than others and it was quickly picked up by the prince, as the young man slowly approached him with soft steps.

When their bodies became flush and Yuu’s hands cradled Kouyou’s face, the soldier didn’t back away and remained frozen in his spot, as a soothing warmth seeped through his skin and calmed his heart.

Just like that, Yuu had managed to put him into submission once again, diminishing all that wrecked the soldier and made him feel safe instead.

When Kouyou looked at the prince again and his eyes bore into Yuu’s, he read an entirely different mix of emotions in the younger’s dark orbs.

It wasn’t fear that Yuu felt right now. It was sympathy and worry for the soldier himself.

“Why are you not scared?”

Yuu smiled at that and his fingers moved slowly against Kouyou’s face. It was a soothing touch that kept the soldier captivated and trapped in Yuu’s arms and warmth.

Kouyou almost cursed the day he showed Yuu his weakness, as the prince had been using it against him ever since, calming him and taming him in ways he couldn’t help but appreciate and love.

And then, just like many times before, the guilt was suddenly back to erase every good feeling in Kouyou’s heart, reminding him of his past and how unworthy he was of everything that Yuu was granting him so freely and generously.

“It’s unfair.” He simply stated and it made Yuu frown a little as the prince threw a questioning look at his guardian. “You know I can’t fight this and you keep using it against me.”

Yuu’s smile grew and the younger simply stared at his guardian with a fondness and appreciation that hypnotised him.

The soldier didn’t even realise when he lost control over his body because in the next moment Yuu slowly leaned in, and despite the voices screaming of danger in Kouyou’s mind, the soldier remained still until his lips were claimed by Yuu’s own.

The heat that spread all around his body, was like a wildfire, burning him from the inside out with a passion that he had been suppressing for a while. The sweet lock of lips unlocked so many emotions in the troubled blond, his skin was set ablaze and his entire body trembled with desire.

Despite how pure and soothing Yuu’s lips felt against Kouyou’s own, the soldier knew he didn’t deserve any of it.

At that moment his desire turned into guilt again and it slowly began to eat at Kouyou until the pain in his chest became unbearable and the soldier was forced to pull away from their sweet kiss.

“I have to confess something.” He whispered and that evoked another questioning look from the prince.

Kouyou took a better look at the young man. He knew that it was inevitable and his conscience would never be at peace until he came clean. And yet he wasn’t sure if he was ready to spill the truth. There were far too many complications surrounding them, far too many threats to be aware of and Kouyou hoped that the prince would still find it in him to forgive the soldier for what he had done. He was already failing his attempts to stay away from the prince and keep his feelings under control. The things the prince did today and his small rebellion towards the empress told Kouyou that Yuu had already made his choice and was conveying it to the soldier in his own ways.

If Kouyou owed him anything it was indeed the truth.

“After the incident in the forest when I hurt my head… you stayed in my room for days.” The soldier began and made a small pause to take a deep breath. Yuu’s eyes were focused on him now, and their stern gaze made it even more difficult for Kouyou to speak his next words aloud. “I saw your journal in my room, you were asleep on my couch and...I couldn’t restrain my urges and I took a peek at a few pages.”

Kouyou watched as Yuu’s eyes slowly turned wide. There were many emotions written on his face now, but the soldier couldn't tell them apart. It frightened him and worry began to nag at his heart. It suffocated him and his mind turned blank soon after, as the soldier remained silent and simply waited for the younger’s reaction to his words.

It hurt Kouyou deeply when Yuu moved again and slowly took a step back, withdrawing from the soldier’s touch. The prince’s eyes were still wide and focused on Kouyou’s own, but the anger and disappointment written on his face were immense and frightening.

Kouyou had never felt worse in his life before— never had hurt someone as much.

He would never forgive himself either as the person he betrayed was none other than the one he held inside his heart.

“I'm sorry.” He choked out as fear seeped through and he realized how much he despised himself over this little mistake. He didn't deserve Yuu's trust and it hurt to see the same realization hit the prince as well. “I was still so new to this place. Didn't understand anything and I made a mistake…”

Kouyou's words were cut short as a shove came to his chest. Yuu's hands hit him with such force that it sent the soldier into the wall behind him. Despite that Kouyou's back was almost healed, it didn't make the pain less or more bearable.

Yet, it couldn't compare to the heartache in Kouyou's chest as it quickly intensified once their eyes met.

This time, the regret in Yuu's eyes was different. It was the opposite to the one Kouyou saw him express in the past after a similar push had been delivered to the soldier in the very same room.

Yuu was furious and there was humiliation written in his face. It was devastating. Kouyou remained frozen in his spot even when the prince raised his fist and prepared to punish his protector for his insolent lies.

And yet a hit was never delivered to Kouyou's face.

Yuu remained unmoving, frozen in time, just like his protector as their stare continued and their emotions battled with one another. While their inner turmoils kept wrecking them from the inside out.

The prince couldn't hurt him, couldn't even punish him properly for his betrayal and Kouyou found that he despised himself even more.

He didn't deserve Yuu's sudden mercy to his unworthy soul even one bit.

A sudden bell made both of them flinch and it took a moment for both of them to come back to their senses.

Another ring echoed throughout their chambers soon after and Kouyou slowly blinked the tears pooling in his eyes away. When he realized what was the source of their interruption, a wave of genuine confusion washed through his entire body and he was suddenly able to move again.

The bell at the front door was strictly used by the servants only. It was something Kouyou answered only whenever a cleaning or other chore was to be done inside of their rooms. The only other person who would dare to visit them would be Die, but the prince also had a key and never used the bell.

It was too late for any servants to bother them right now, and Kouyou was surprised but also worried as he wondered who could have been and why were they here at such hour.

The only other person that came to mind was Takanori and Kouyou had to suppress a grimace as it threatened to break on his face as soon as the idea popped on his mind.

Whoever it was, was very impatient because another toll made itself known and Kouyou didn't waste any more time delving into his thoughts.

He quickly straightened up and threw one last glance at the stunned prince, before speaking his next words and leaving the room with fast steps.

“Wait here.”

Once he was out in the lobby, he quickly reached for the front door and after taking a deep breath, he opened it cautiously, ready to react no matter who was on the other side.

When he saw who the intruder was, Kouyou was stunned.

A familiar cold sweat broke on the side of his forehead and the soldier tried to swallow the lump in his throat as soon as it formed and threatened to suffocate him.

“Let us in.” The Empress’ voice was stern and cold. Her dark eyes scrutinized the soldier from head to toe.

Kouyou didn't move an inch, however.

The soldier didn't have the intention to back away— not today or ever. Despite having opened the door even wider, he didn't move or make room for the empress to enter either.

He simply took a careful look at her guard instead and made a mental note of his large build and lack of weapons. His face was distorted in some sort of anger and Kouyou knew very well who he was. The man had followed the empress around on several occasions in the past and she seemed to trust him a lot. If his presence right now was a fear tactic of some sort, it definitely didn't have an effect on Kouyou. He was rather amused by the encounter and pondered about the reason behind their visit, wondering what made them think that Kouyou would let them in in the first place.

“I said move away, soldier.” The empress hissed and Kouyou moved his attention back towards her. “I have to speak to my son.”

The threat in her voice was rather noticeable, but Kouyou knew better than allowing them any access to the prince. He knew exactly what the empress wanted from her son and he knew the punishment for Yuu's little rebellion would be delivered sooner or later. 

But Kouyou wouldn't allow the woman to humiliate her son again. Not in this lifetime or the next.

“I am afraid I can’t do that, your majesty.” Kouyou retorted without hesitation and that made the woman widen her eyes while her lips parted and she hissed.

“Do you realise who you are talking to?” Her angry tone would be enough to intimidate some, but Kouyou’s determination was unshakable.

There was no fear left in him for this woman, nor her threats, and the soldier felt stronger than ever— determined to stand his ground and protect Yuu no matter the consequences.

He was already lost in the young prince and had nothing to lose at this point, even if the empress had the power to take everything from him… including his life.

It was the least he could do to repay his debt, after breaking the trust of the one person he had grown to love.

“My vow is to the crown prince, your majesty. Only he can make me break it.”

Kouyou spoke his last words in a low tone. His voice was deep and it made the empress glare at him with hate. It was obvious for the woman at this point that the soldier had no intentions of letting them in and she did the one thing that was left for her to do. A futile attempt to go over Kouyou and have her way.

“Make him move.” She ordered and Kouyou saw a smirk on the man’s face.

When he moved next and took a step closer, Kouyou was prepared for the blow that followed. The man tried to reach him, but the blond was faster. A fist came from his left, and it was easy for Kouyou to block it. His movements were fast and graceful as he managed to spin the man with ease. A hit in the man’s ribs and a lock on his wrist was all that it took for the blond guardian to pin the man against the wall and completely restrain him. Seconds passed and Kouyou kept holding him by the wrist as he twisted it against his back, humiliating him all the same.

“What the hell?!” The woman screamed, but Kouyou kept his focus on the man. His chest was flush with the wall and a growl escaped his lips as soon as Kouyou twisted his wrist further, causing him pain.

It’d been a while since the soldier had an actual opponent like this and he relished at the moment, feeling powerful while his hate and anger increased.

That was until a soft touch graced his shoulder and Kouyou’s entire body trembled.

When he searched for the source with his peripheral, Kouyou saw Yuu standing next to him. His face was full of worry and it communicated to the soldier through their silent stare. He eased up slowly, while the storm of emotions in his chest began to subside.

It took only a few seconds more until Kouyou was back into submission and his breathing eased, telling his prince that he was ready to obey his orders.

When Yuu nodded at him, the guardian knew that it was enough.

He released the man and watched him groan in pain as he retreated back to the empress and outside of their chambers. The woman looked down on him with such disdain and disappointment that Kouyou knew that the other guard would not go unpunished that night.

When she looked at him, however, Kouyou saw the hate in her eyes had changed. The threat in them was more prominent now, and it was full of darkness— scary, vicious cruelty he had never seen in her eyes before.

And for the first time in a while, Kouyou almost felt...intimidated.

Their stare lasted only a few seconds more. When the empress turned around and left with her guard trailing behind her, Kouyou felt his heart tremble in his chest.

He watched them leave and disappear in silence, breathing heavily and listening to Yuu’s own breaths next to him. He was overwhelmed by what had happened and his mind couldn’t comprehend what it all meant. It was too stressful at this point, Kouyou was almost losing his grip.

But when he turned to face the man who never failed to heal his mind and searched for his soothing eyes, Kouyou didn't find him.

Yuu had left him silently and had already returned to his room, so close and yet so far... yet again.

Kouyou knew that he had to wait, but his mind and heart were hungry for the prince. He couldn’t help it when regret invaded his thoughts and the self-loathing had begun to eat him from the inside once more.

When he returned to his own room, Kouyou couldn’t sleep. When he silently removed his uniform and changed into his night clothes, the soldier found that his mind was blank and all that remained in his head was Yuu only.

He couldn’t forgive himself no matter how hard he tried. The hope he had for forgiveness had begun to vanish from his head. With each minute that passed and each hour that rolled, that agony inside the soldier’s chest continued to intensify.

He thought of every moment of contentment he and Yuu had shared and tried to count the smiles the younger had granted him since the day he had arrived in this place.

It was an escape room of his own. A place in his mind that was all his— where he felt safe to think of Yuu in all the forbidden ways his heart desired, but couldn’t have.

In that state of mind, Kouyou wasn’t a soldier anymore and Yuu wasn’t a prince. They were two people, imperfect in their desires and so alike in the cravings of their hearts.

There, Yuu never frowned and only smiled. His voice was present, caressing Kouyou’s ears in the most pleasant ways. The prince’s hair was messy and his eyes full of glee, while his frame was small but considerably heavy as he laid on top of Kouyou’s chest. The warmth that the soldier loved so much was gentle as it eased his heart and he felt loved...as he loved Yuu back.

And for the hundredth time, Kouyou was ready to fall into that dream once again, but then a sudden movement in his room made him flinch.

Kouyou hadn’t realised when he had closed his eyes, but when he opened them, he saw the candles on his nightstand still burning and casting warm dim light to everything around him. For some reason his senses were calm, and the soldier didn’t feel threatened, but he also knew that he wasn’t alone.

And he knew exactly who was there with him right now.

Kouyou didn’t dare move at first, as he wasn’t sure what it meant or why Yuu had returned at all. The soldier thought that he had hurt the prince enough for them to not communicate or look at each other for days. And yet….Yuu was back in Kouyou’s room on his own accord and Kouyou was beginning to panic once again.

He moved, alerting the prince that he had noticed his presence and rose on his bed as he sat up from the sheets. He noticed Yuu sitting on the edge of the bed and the silence in the room became so heavy that Kouyou was able to hear their breathing once again. The moment their breathing synched, Kouyou felt ready to part his lips and talk, voicing his biggest fears out loud, eager to get an answer from the prince— no matter if it was bad or good.

“Do you hate me?”

A long pause followed and the prince didn’t give any reaction to ease Kouyou’s mind. The prince remained still and unreadable.

Eventually, the young man looked at him, and when he did, Kouyou’s breath halted in his chest. Yuu’s eyes were hollow and unreadable, Kouyou didn’t know what to think. He felt guilty and low, his heart sank and he felt like crumbling right there.

It was then when Yuu shook his head and Kouyou let out the breath he had been holding. Yuu didn’t hate him after all.

“But you don’t trust me anymore,” Kouyou stated with a whisper and Yuu lowered his gaze for a moment as he placed a small piece of paper on the sheets between them.

It confused Kouyou at first and he didn’t dare to reach out and take it immediately. When he finally took the paper in his hands, he noticed the words on it and his entire body shivered.

_ “What do you know?” _

Kouyou was stunned and his eyes widened in shock. His fingers began to tremble while his emotions swirled harder than they ever did before. He couldn’t believe what he held in his hands and his heart didn’t know if it was breaking or being rebuilt all over again.

Yuu was communicating with him and Kouyou almost choked as the realisation hit him. It was a blow that almost brought tears to his eyes. He was out of breath, as his mind tried to understand what was going on and how did he deserve this in the first place. Why was Yuu granting him this? 

“I…” he tried to speak, but a sob left his lips and when Kouyou searched for Yuu’s eyes, he saw the young man staring at him with those wide expectant eyes. He looked frightened. It almost mirrored Kouyou’s own emotions as he felt a tear roll down his cheek. His vision became blurry. “I...I only read a couple of sentences…” he choked out as his body began to tremble in rhythm with the aching heart in his chest. “You were worried about me…..but that was all. I saw something... about someone wanting to kill you... but nothing more, I swear.”

By the time his last words left his lips, Kouyou was breaking, and there was nothing the soldier could do to stop himself from crumbling in front of the prince. He couldn’t see Yuu clearly anymore, nor could he speak without choking and spilling more embarrassing sounds as he wept. The humiliation he felt was well deserved. Kouyou’s pride was hurt more than anything. It was then that something in Kouyou broke completely for the first time, as he felt helpless and so unworthy, he cried and begged for forgiveness that he knew he didn’t deserve.

“I am so sorry…” he choked out and lowered his head, completely defeated by his emotions and mistakes. “Forgive me, Yuu. Please….I love you, don’t hate me. I’ll do whatever you want. I will be yours. Just don’t hate me.”

As soon as his last words were spoken, Kouyou felt a familiar gentle touch in his hair. Yuu’s fingers laced with the blond locks and Kouyou was quickly pulled close and into a warm embrace. His face landed on Yuu’s chest, the prince’s soft shirt wiping away the tears staining his face, and Kouyou was once again submerged by the warmth and kindness he craved but didn’t dare want for his own.

They remained like this for several minutes, Yuu gently holding Kouyou as the soldier spilt tears of guilt and regret, staining the younger’s shirt even more until his eyes went dry and his body eased into the prince’s arms. He remained in Yuu’s embrace even after they laid on the sheets, the exhaustion making Kouyou slowly close his eyes as he relished in the prince’s scent and gentle touch.

The blond wasn’t scared anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well.....I had to break him, the guy was so stubborn. It had to be done. I am sorry, idk why but this fic is a lot more angsty than I thought it would be, when all was planned, omg.  
> At least they are on the same page now, it’s time to reveal the secrets one by one.  
> I noticed the number of kudos tho....and i feel so overwhelmed all over again... idk why but it almost made me cry haha, and I love reading your reactions guys, it’s all so precious. It motivates me to no end, and it brings so much joy to my heart. It’s so frustrating and time consuming for me to write and edit in english. If it wasn’t for @idiocyxangst ‘s help I wouldn’t be able to do this. Thank you once again dear for the hard work and for believing in this story ah.
> 
> Lol when did I get so sappy Ew, ok bye  
> See ya with the next update, lovelies.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok sorry for the long delay but....I really hope the content of this chap will be worth it

Kouyou took a deep breath and relished in the silence of his room. It was calming and the soldier felt blessed as soon as he stirred awake. His gaze landed on the sheets next to him and his heart fluttered madly in his chest as the sight of his prince seemed too magical and still so surreal for his heart and mind. His eyes traced the curve of Yuu’s lips, that slightly parted now while the prince breathed softly as he slept. They looked so inviting with their tint of crimson youth. A blush crept on Yuu’s cheekbones and his long eyelashes trembled while he dreamt. Seconds passed, Kouyou couldn’t help but hover over the young man, simply observing his every feature.

Kouyou felt giddy inside, realizing how lucky he was to have the prince and his warmth so close. His own body felt submerged in heat, as a flurry of emotions rose inside his chest. It was like a ball of fire, exploding. The more Kouyou stared at him, the more beauty his eyes feasted on. It overwhelmed him more than once and Kouyou’s own face began to heat up. 

Yuu looked so vulnerable in this state of bliss. His sleep seemed calm and the image of him curled in Kouyou’s sheets felt sacred to the blond now. He felt overawed by the sight of it all— too unreal. 

But Yuu was there. He’d stayed through the night, wiped Kouyou’s tears away and kept him safe from the darkness in his warm embrace. Kouyou had never been so hurt or even embarrassed by his own actions until now. But the prince had managed to heal him with affection that no one else had granted him before.

His mind was still against it and alarms rang in his head at all times. It all spoke of danger as everything Kouyou felt right now was forbidden by law. Yet his heart was strong and its desires were even stronger. Kouyou was torn, but he knew the battle was already lost.

He kept resisting, but if Yuu wanted him, then Kouyou would simply follow and comply.

He couldn’t watch the prince struggle and be hurt time and time again, as he’d been through a lot and Kouyou would rather give him happiness and all that he desired. He simply couldn’t say no to the prince. Not anymore.

Hence the soldier remained unmoving, hovering over Yuu and observing him as minutes passed. Kouyou didn’t even check the time as he found himself in a trance, not being able to tear his eyes away from the sleeping prince. If he could he would stay like this forever. Kouyou would give everything just to have Yuu safe and happy in his arms. Not locked in a cage and fearing the tomorrows as they brought the same danger that threatened the prince’s life.

As soon as that thought crossed his mind, Kouyou’s face was taken over by a frown. The ideas that formed in his head next almost scared him, but they also gave him hope. Yuu’s silence was still unshakable, but the soldier knew that the prince’s voice was the only truth he needed to hear. Kouyou wasn’t stupid and had figured quite a handful of things on his own, but he needed guidance or else he couldn’t help his prince. And he was almost sure at this point that he could.

If only Yuu would answer the questions still lingering in the soldier’s mind. If only he could convince the prince, that everything would be alright.

A sudden movement kicked Kouyou out of his trance. Yuu stirred slightly and his eyes parted, sending a tired glance at the blond still observing him from above. When their gazes met, Yuu’s lips pursed in a small smile, and Kouyou saw a glimpse of bliss in the younger’s eyes. The prince looked so serene and so calm, so beautiful and pure in his morning haze, Kouyou could swear his breath halted right then and he simply forgot to breathe.

“Good morning, my prince.” He whispered and that made Yuu stir again, one of his hands lifting and resting on Kouyou’s shoulder, squeezing it lightly, while his smile grew wider.

Their silence continued for about a minute more and Kouyou observed the prince further, taking note of how soft and perfect Yuu’s skin was-- how it covered the forms of his neck and dove between his collarbones, the unbuttoned collar of his shirt gaping open and allowing Kouyou’s eyes to feast on it all. He almost felt like ravishing it with his hands and lips right then, and yet the blond didn’t dare act on these thoughts. He was still unsure of what he was allowed to do or not, and he remained motionless, silently waiting for a sign.

The longer they remained like this, the more Kouyou began to wonder about their day, and with a sigh he allowed himself to ask a question that was already pestering his mind.

“Are we missing the morning routine with the empress again?”

Yuu’s smile instantly fell at that, but the prince didn’t seem intimidated and rather calm when he nodded in response to the blond.

Kouyou licked his lips and felt hesitant but that feeling dissipated soon after. The soldier knew what this meant for both of them and he was ready to face the consequences whatever they were. If Yuu wanted this freedom, Kouyou would help him get it no matter the cost. He had survived that woman’s whims long enough.

“Are we heading straight to your breakfast then?” he asked next and Yuu nodded a second time, his hand moving to rest on Kouyou’s cheek, cradling it and caressing it in the kindest ways.

Kouyou didn’t say anything more and relished in the touch, the skin on his face heating up once more and sending his feelings into overdrive.

It was then Yuu slowly rose from the sheets and left a quick peck on Kouyou’s lips. The touch was brief and lasted only a second before the prince pulled away, but Kouyou felt it linger on his skin even after Yuu had left the bed and headed for the exit.

The prince took a last glance at the stunned blond and a sly smirk appeared on his face, before disappearing behind the door. It took a while for Kouyou to calm his senses and wake up from his bliss, but once he did and noticed the clock was nearing ten, he was fast as lightning as he headed to the shower and did his routine.

He had to be exceptionally careful once he got to dressing, as his heart was racing in his chest and his fingers tangled with the buttons on his collar shirt. His nervousness was getting the best of him and quickly turned him into a clumsy mess. He was overwhelmed with joy he’d never felt before. It was a newfound euphoria that made him feel light and happy for the first time in months. He felt content and there was no trace of regret left in his mind.

Kouyou was trying to focus on buttoning his shirt when he felt chills down his spine and the hair at the back of his head stood on end. When he turned around, he wasn’t surprised to see Yuu standing by the door, watching him with a warm gaze and a gentle smile. And for a moment, Kouyou just stared back, unable to move or breathe, as the image of the prince before him was radiating with beauty his heart craved and loved.

Yuu’s uniform covered his frame in the most perfect ways, accentuating his silhouette and letting the blond memorize every curve. His hair was different today however and it was something Kouyou hadn’t seen before. It was done up in a half ponytail and the strands fell freely and wild, all over the prince’s shoulders and chest.

Kouyou kept watching Yuu as if in a trance even after the young man stirred and closed in on him with small steps. The soldier was speechless, shamelessly staring back, completely stunned by the gorgeous Yuu, who was now smirking and eyeing his protector in an expectant way.

It took only a couple seconds more until a realization dawned on the blond, and his skin was set ablaze by the memory he recalled in his head.

“You remember.” he smiled, and Yuu snorted, rolling his eyes at the dumb protector, who was still in shock and frozen in his spot. “You remember that time in the forest...when I told you that I prefer your hair like this.” Yuu nodded then and cradled Kouyou’s face in his hands, sending another bout of tingles down the soldier’s spine. “It reveals your face.”

The look he received from Yuu was soft, the prince’s eyes slowly fell close and Kouyou was granted another kiss. When their lips locked together, the blond didn’t dare move for a while and Yuu didn’t pull away but didn’t deepen the kiss either. The touch of lips was sweet and full of emotion and the flames heat up Kouyou’s skin to a dangerous degree in no time. He forgot to breathe, and his mind was void of any thought. Only Yuu and his warmth existed and only they mattered to the blond. And then, Yuu’s lips moved against his, sending Kouyou into another passionate mess. His entire being trembled and their bodies became flush, as the soldier allowed himself to pull the prince even closer to himself.

He wasn’t thinking when his lips parted and he begged for entrance in the younger’s mouth. He was granted access almost immediately after and his tongue found Yuu’s, as their kiss deepened and was once again full of passion, Kouyou unleashed on the prince without regret.

Kouyou felt submerged by his own feelings soon after, feeling Yuu’s body against his in the way he craved, their kiss growing rough as soon as Kouyou took over the younger’s mouth. He was gentle yet so passionate in the way he nibbled at Yuu’s lower lip, only to push his tongue back inside a moment later, exploring the prince’s hot mouth with a hunger he didn’t know he possessed. Yuu wasn’t fighting either, letting his guardian take control and have his way. He didn’t pull back even after his oxygen was gone and they took a mouthful of air, before indulging in the same hot mess that was their kiss right now. Kouyou just couldn’t get enough of everything that Yuu was, as he belonged to him only and no one else.

But then, the moment was gone in a blink of an eye, as an abrupt shove to his chest made Kouyou pull away. His heart was beating like a racehorse, and his breathing was fast, while Yuu lowered his head and gasped for air. Despite Kouyou’s mind still feeling dizzy, his ears caught on a noise that came from the lobby outside. A door clicked and he quickly released the prince from his grip, letting him take a couple of steps back. Yuu’s face was flushed pink and he quickly wiped on his moist lips, reminding Kouyou to do the same.

When the door to his room clicked open, Kouyou saw Die take a step inside. The blond prince wore the same dark gaze he always had, but today it seemed full of worry and distress. His figure remained at the door, staring at them with suspicion and Kouyou tried to remain calm.

“What is Yuu doing here?” he asked with a low and irritated voice, that made Yuu slowly turn and face his brother, sending him an angry look back.

“I am sorry, your highness.” Kouyou was quick to blurt out, as his brain conjured up a proper explanation for the situation. It appeared he was already getting better at lying because the idea popped up in his head only a second later.” I wasn’t feeling well and I overslept. His highness was checking on me.”

Die’s eyes narrowed and turned into slits. It was too obvious that something was going on, and Kouyou worried that the prince would ask more questions, and yet Die simply continued to study them in silence.

He sighed when he finally spoke up. It was obvious to the blond, that the prince was avoiding the matter on purpose.

“Bad mistake Takashima, We are having important guests arriving today.” he scolded the guardian instead and shifted his attention to Yuu, who was still staring back at his brother with a serious unreadable face. It was shocking to Kouyou every time, to see Yuu mask his emotions so well to a point of making them vanish from the surface completely and in no time. “I am taking Yuu with me. The celebrations in the gardens already started… and Takanori is growing impatient and worried. Head straight there after you’re done with dressing...make it fast.”

Die turned on his heels and left the room, obviously irritated at the situation and growing impatient himself. Yuu was able to read his brother instantly and he didn’t hesitate to follow him, however a little hesitant and at a slow pace, giving Kouyou one last look before also exiting the room.

Once he was all alone again, Kouyou finally took a deep breath, as the soldier hadn’t even realized how suffocated he felt.

That was close indeed and they almost got caught for a second time, but Kouyou didn’t feel frightened one bit. He wouldn't back down now, especially after having Yuu so close to himself. His mind was already set and he was going to let this be a lesson to become better at keeping this a secret next time.

******

When Kouyou arrived in the gardens, he didn’t expect to see the general he dreaded the most in his life, sitting next to the emperor and laughing at his jokes.

General Yutaka was one of the best warriors in the country and quite a famous one in fact. His victories had brought him and the royal family glory, so they kept him close and cherished him as a friend. His looks were charming and his smile warm, but his eyes held darkness that gave Kouyou a chill many times in the past. The general had a long brown hair, that he always wore tied high on his head, the ponytail of which was almost reaching his waist. He looked fearsome and yet so gentle and kind, as his voice was cheery and calm, never raising to angry tones. But the general had lost all respect that Kouyou used to the harbour for him in his chest. 

It took only one fateful night and one mistake for Kouyou to look beyond the charming facade of the man. Yutaka never apologized for his mistakes and instead punished the soldier and condemned him to a sad fate. He was the reason Kouyou ended up in the castle a few months back and the soldier despised his existence ever since.

As the celebrations continued for the rest of the day, Kouyou was able to distract himself with the one thing that mattered to him the most right now. Yuu seemed calm and his smile remained intact. Nobles approached him many times, but Kouyou kept his distance as he watched him from afar.

They all seemed harmless nonetheless. All of the advisors had returned to the castle that day, as the negotiations kept taking turns that no one predicted or would expect. Takanori appeared to be a tough nut to crack, and he seemed to be giving the royal family a hard time with the contracts.

Kouyou had heard before those sort of negotiations could take months to solve, and yet he didn’t expect it to be that hard for the two sides to find a peaceful solution to their needs. Matsumoto's family was a close friend, but Kouyou couldn’t deny how pretentious their prince was. He often seemed to be led on by his emotions, not his rational mind, and the blond was beginning to understand the desperate need for the royal family to use their youngest son in the way they did.

It didn’t make it right though, and Kouyou still despised the idea whenever it resurfaced in his mind.

The day went on in a peaceful atmosphere, however, and to Kouyou’s surprise, Takanori didn’t approach Yuu as many times as he usually would. Kouyou guessed it was because he was surrounded by royals himself, probably advisors who needed his opinion on different points of the politics at hand. Kouyou didn’t have to suffer his usual fits of jealousy, and it kind of gave him time to focus on Yuu alone. He remembered every face, memorized every person in the gardens. He kept an eye on every corner and every servant that came in and out. When evening approached them, Kouyou’s senses heightened and he became even more careful than before. Yuu was now talking with a tall man in red robes and he seemed to be enjoying his company quite a lot. The man was the emperor’s right hand and as far as Kouyou remembered, he was no longer residing in the castle for the past years. The situation at the southern borders had been quite rough and complicated, hence the emperor had sent his most trusted man to rule and observe.

Yuu seemed quite fond of the man and it surprised Kouyou for a moment as he watched them interact. They seemed to be very close, and the soldier didn’t miss how Yuu smiled at the man as he reached out and caressed the head of the kitten in the prince’s hands. The cat had always been hesitant to let anyone but the prince close. Therefore, the fact that she let the man pet her gave Kouyou a warm feeling in his chest. And somehow the guardian knew...that he could trust the man.

A sudden noise to his left, made him jolt in his place as it came too close for Kouyou’s liking. When he turned to face the person, he saw the face of the man he’d been avoiding the whole day with success. Yutaka’s face was serious and emotionless- a state that the general had mastered well throughout the years. It gave Kouyou a weird feeling in the gut and the soldier was quick to shift his attention back on the prince. He couldn’t stand watching the general for long either way.

“I see, you still resent me Takashima.” the man spoke and Kouyou had to fight his urges to send a glare his way. He wasn't sure why the general had approached him in the first place. He couldn’t trust him and the alarms in his head rang louder than ever before.

Yutaka seemed to catch on to Kouyou’s hesitation.

“Relax.” Yutaka’s tone was low and commanding, which elicited a small chuckle out of Kouyou and he refused to look at him again.

“What do you want?” Kouyou asked with eyes still focused on Yuu across the garden, hoping that the image of the smiling prince would be enough to help the soldier keep himself under control.

“It’s a great honor you’ve received,” Yutaka said and took a step closer.

Kouyou let out a breath he’d been holding in, but didn’t speak back.

“If you still hate me this much..” the general began, with a voice even lower than before, and the soldier was able to sense of tinge of sadness in it “why didn’t you tell them the truth?”

Kouyou’s answer was instant when it came.

“I can’t.”

The silence that followed was full of tension and Kouyou couldn’t stand it one bit. The general wasn’t replying and the blond figured that he was probably confused.

“The people love you. You are a symbol and that symbol keeps them together at their darkest times.” Kouyou explained in a monotone voice, despite his kind words, his voice was full of hurt and disappointment. “Thanks to you our army is the force that it is. Nothing will change that.”

Another silence rang between them and Kouyou guessed that the general needed time to comprehend what was said. They hadn’t talked so openly about what went wrong between them until now and it brought the soldier a lot of emotions that he still couldn’t tell apart.

“I came to apologize,” Yutaka whispered and Kouyou couldn’t help it as he snorted in response. He couldn’t believe this man and his facade anymore.

When the blond responded, his voice was full of hurt, and he didn’t hesitate to unleash it all with his next words.

”It’s a bit too late to apologize, don’t you think. You’ve always been the worst with me anyway. My training was hell thanks to you. You’ve never acknowledged me. No matter what I did, it wasn’t good enough.”

“That’s because I saw potential in you.” the general tried to retort back, but Kouyou had enough of his lies. 

“Or you were trying to break me…” The soldier turned to face his superior this time, as the emotions building up inside of him were almost breaking him, making him lose control. “You were trying to break me so that you could make me accept your offerings later on.”

“My feelings developed much later, Kouyou…” Yutaka sounded defeated when he spoke and Kouyou didn’t dare bark back. He had never seen so much emotion showing on the man’s face before. It startled him and left him speechless as he waited for the man to speak again. 

When Yutaka did, his words sounded genuine and full of hurt.

“I never asked for this to happen. I never thought I’d fall in love.”

Kouyou had never heard those words before, never had the general admitted any of this, until now. And for some reason, his heart was breaking, as the unfairness of the situation that had been eating him alive for the longest time.

“Is that why you punished me?” he asked, keeping his voice low, despite the feelings burning him inside out “Because I didn’t feel the same and you couldn’t handle rejection?”

“Yes… and I regret how I dealt with it now.” Yutaka’s answer was instant once again and it occurred to Kouyou that the general had thought about this many times before. “What I felt for you wasn’t a whim of my heart. I was hurt and I had no idea how to deal with the pain. When you left the camp I had time to think and cool down. I can see my mistakes now and I want to fix them…if I can...”

“I don’t need your help.” Kouyou cut him short and straightened up once more, fixing his gaze back on the prince and not sparing the general another glance. The soldier didn’t feel the slightest regret, as he gave Yutaka another form of rejection— one he felt he had the full right to give. He didn’t want anything from this man, much less his help. He trusted Die, but the general was someone that Kouyou would rather stay away from for as long as he could.

“Prince Die confided me with your deal and I want to help,” Yutaka spoke again, but Kouyou refused to look at him again. The general’s words shocked him, but not enough for him to feel cautious in any way. “When the time comes, I’ll be on your side.”

When the general spoke his last words, he didn’t wait for Kouyou to reply and simply turned and left.

It left Kouyou feeling unsettled and his insides stirred in an unpleasant way. The feeling was soon dissipated though, as Kouyou focused his attention on the young prince again. Despite how angry and hurt he still felt, nothing was able to overshadow the feelings he harboured for the prince. They were all so strong and fulfilling, Kouyou felt the warmth inside him intensify even more as their eyes finally met.

When Yuu gestured for him to come closer, Kouyou hesitated only for a brief moment. It was unlikely for the prince to call for him like that, especially when he was in the middle of a conversation with another noble, no matter their rank. He quickly moved and walked over to where they were seated near the trees at the back. The closer he got the better look Kouyou was able to take at the advisor and he was surprised to see how soft his eyes were as they watched him with a wide smile.

“So this is Kouyou.” the man spoke and the guardian quickly bowed in a show of respect.

Yuu was watching him with a smirk and seemed to be quite interested in their interaction, which only made the blond even more nervous than before. “Thank you for taking care of our prince.” 

When Kouyou heard him speak again, he was surprised at how kind the man’s voice was. He seemed very gentle in his mannerisms as well and the soldier couldn’t help but feel like it reminded him of someone. It was then Kouyou was able to notice a sheet of paper in the advisor’s hands and it didn’t take long for him to recognize the writing on it too.

Kouyou's breath halted in his chest right then.

“I am glad to see you this happy again, your highness.” the advisor turned to Yuu and caressed the kitten in his hands once more. “Oki has grown up quite a lot since the last time I saw her. She was barely a ball of fur when I gave her to you.”

Yuu smiled at the man again, his face radiated with contentment and warmth. Kouyou was drawn back by the news just a bit, as he didn’t expect for them to have formed such a bond. The man probably used to spend time with the princes when they were young and also cherished them as sons for the time he was still present in the castle. Maybe Yuu missed the man and had awaited his return. It would explain the letter in his hands-something Kouyou couldn’t help but feel jealous about.

“Have a good evening, your highness.” the man spoke again and bowed. But before the man left, Kouyou noticed a look in his eyes that sent chills down his spine.

It almost felt like Kouyou was being observed and scrutinized for reasons he wasn’t able to understand.

When they were finally alone, Yuu walked towards the woods and Kouyou obediently followed after him. The trees looked magical now, basking in the soft light of the candles splayed around. It made everything seem to calm Kouyou’s troubled-heart. As soon as they reached the fountain at the back, the soldier realized he couldn’t hear the chatter or even the busy noise of the celebrations still ongoing in the background. 

It was only them now, the serenity of nature around and their beating hearts. Kouyou couldn’t help but wonder if the prince could feel how nervous his protector was. He never rested when Yuu was around. Not his heart or his mind. They were always busy following the prince, studying him, existing and beating for him as he was their only purpose now. Kouyou had never felt so content with his goals until he met the young man. Yuu had shown him so much light and an equal portion of darkness in such a short time, the soldier learned so much about himself without even realizing half of it existed within him.

He never thought he would feel so close to someone, never wished to have someone so special in his life. Kouyou had always thought such a person would be his weakness, but the tables had turned and Yuu was his strength now.

When the prince reached the fountain and turned around, the soft look in his eyes, almost made Kouyou feel weak in his knees.

“I love this look on your face.” Kouyou blurted out without thinking and Yuu frowned. “I am sorry...you are so stunning when you smile.”

The soldier almost choked, realizing what he had just said, but something about Yuu had always seemed to bring his honesty out with ease.

The prince seemed to enjoy that quality of Kouyou too because his smile grew even wider and he closed the distance between them with small steps. Kouyou was able to hear the kitten purring in Yuu’s hands and when he took a glance at her, she seemed tired and ready to fall asleep.

“I was surprised that she let that advisor touch her.” Kouyou chuckled and lifted his face to take another glance at the smiling Yuu. “I knew I could trust him thanks to that.”

When Kouyou saw the smirk on the prince’s face, he felt intimidated immediately but didn’t have time to react. The next thing Yuu did was to push the kitten into his hands. 

The soldier took a step back, too stunned and unsure of what to do. The kitten’s nails latched onto his uniform and he found himself hugging her in front of his chest. When she rested her head near his neck, he heard her purring again, and he froze.

Kouyou must’ve looked too hilarious then because Yuu covered his mouth as he laughed silently at the stunned blond.

“What..” he blurted out, still frozen and too scared to move, as if the animal in his hands was made of glass and would break if he stirred. Yuu watched him with that same warm smile on his face and for a moment, Kouyou fell into another trance. He just couldn't stop admiring the prince and his calm beauty, as he did every time he had the chance.

Yuu’s charms were yet again so inviting, that Kouyou acted on his urges instead of his mind, once again. He slowly leaned in, in an attempt to claim Yuu’s lips for a short kiss, but then a hiss reached his ears and a stinging pain pierced through the fingers of his hand.

Kouyou growled as he took a step back, while the cat kept squirming and moving in his hands. He didn’t try to keep her in his embrace and simply let the animal drop on the ground and stalk away. The feline looked triumphant as she stepped into the flowers nearby, throwing a suspicious look at the soldier, before beginning to lick at her paw ignoring their existence once again.

Kouyou smiled at her and looked down at his hand, feeling bitter and awkward as he seemed to have failed Yuu’s small test.

“I guess I am not allowed to have her trust then,” he said and took a better look at the scratches on his palm. His fingers were bleeding mildly, but despite it being such insignificant scratches, it seemed to have a strong effect on the prince, as he quickly grabbed Kouyou’s palm and observed it from up close.

Yuu’s fingers were gentle as they held Kouyou’s with the greatest care. His eyes filled with worry that made him feel giddy inside.

“It’s alright,” he whispered, but Yuu seemed to be in a trance of his own, as he didn’t listen to the blond at all and instead held Kouyou’s fingers close to his lips. The moment they moved past them and were engulfed by the warmth of Yuu’s mouth, Kouyou’s breathing halted and his heart stopped. His eyes focused on the prince as he sucked on them carefully, cleaning the wounds. Kouyou couldn't think about the pain. He couldn’t think about anything at all as he felt frozen in time.

Yuu’s eyes were closed, as his tongue moved against Kouyou’s thumb in his mouth, and the soldier felt hot, as fire reignited in his chest, spreading all across his body, making him tremble with emotion. When those same eyes finally opened and looked at the blond, he almost felt like attacking the boy and unleashing all of his passion right then.

His fingers left Yuu’s mouth a few seconds later and when the prince looked up again a sly smirk appeared on his face. It was then Kouyou’s body came back from its frozen state, realizing that he had just been tricked.

“God…” he growled again, his face flushed red as he withdrew his hand from the prince’s grip. “You love doing this to me don’t you?”

He tried to throw an angry look at the prince, but he failed and that made Yuu silently laugh at him even more.

Kouyou couldn’t deny that he was beginning to love this side of the prince more and more, and maybe...he enjoyed it just a bit more than he should or was ready to admit. He prepared to throw another scolding remark at the young man and continue on their new game, but his attention was quickly drawn by the figure of a woman, that slowly emerged from behind the trees nearby.

Kouyou quickly turned to face her and his suspicious eyes scanned her clothes immediately, noting that she wore a servant’s attire and was also one of the women he saw come and go from the celebration throughout the day. 

His face quickly eased, but his body and senses remained on edge.

“Can I help you?” he asked with low and stoic voice, as he waited for an answer but wasn’t granted one.

The woman remained in her spot near the trees and simply watched them and observed them with her calm stare. Her eyes were deep and her face serious. Her eyes remained focused on them and the silence engulfing them began to turn heavy, full of something dreadful that set Kouyou’s skin ablaze.

Another movement drew his attention, and Kouyou saw a woman emerge from the trees behind Yuu, looking similar to the one that interrupted them first. When a third one appeared on their left, the soldier began to realize the nature of their visit and what it really meant. His blood froze in his veins and slight panic made him sweat, while his mind worked on the possibilities of what could happen next. One thing he was sure of was that Yuu had to comply with whatever Kouyou said. He knew the prince was stubborn, but the soldier tried to show him all that he felt as soon as their gazes locked on each other once again.

Yuu was already panicking. All of his previous happiness was wiped off his face, replaced by fright as he stared at his protector wide-eyed and with lips parted for quick heavy breaths. It almost broke the soldier to watch his prince like this, but he couldn’t let anything affect his judgment now. He had to remain focused as their time was running out. 

When he heard another figure emerge from behind him, Kouyou knew he had only seconds left.

“When I tell you to” he began with a soft voice, knowing that it wasn’t enough to appease the prince’s fear, but maybe it had the power to convince him of the lie that everything would be alright. “I want you to run.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> pls don't kill me, I promise I am back on track, and we will do our best to edit and update weekly again. I am ahead with the chapters too.  
> This chapter was getting too long, I had to put that certain scene in the next chap, and honestly, considering how that scene ends, I think you'd prefer this cliffhanger compared to the other one omg  
> once again THANK YOU MY DEAR LOVELY BETA MY BABY YOU @Idiocyangst  
> she is amazing ;w;  
> ps: god I really hope this chap made you smile guys, all of it poured straight from my heart, much luv for everyone kekeke lemme know what you think cuties :3


End file.
